25.3.26 - 87 - Adventure!

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Yesterday Ma and I took the new wheelchair out for a spin - twice! - and the trip was an unqualified success. Despite her misgivings, Ma saw that there was nothing to be worried about and did, in fact, enjoy herself. We went to the market hawker centre for breakfast and then we went to the park in the evening - slightly earlier than I would have preferred. I managed a run and the swim and the glass of wine after the swim, so that was a good day. 

The loss of Pa comes in waves - one minute everything is bearable, the next minute, it is filled with the unbearable loss of his presence. It does not matter how much you loved someone or were with them when they were alive, it is still awful. 

Jac came over in the evening to visit after dinner and brought her children with her. It is always comical when they visit. Aurelia has a new found independence and confidence and it is amusing to watch her. 

I washed and moisturised Ma's feet. I said I would do this every morning and every evening. 

I am just taking the time to sit in this space - the after Pa space - to... I wouldn't exactly say grieve him. Or even mourn him. I don't know if I have put that on hold, but now it is all about supporting Ma and her own mourning and grief. I cannot even begin to imagine it. I cannot. 

It is all the smallest things really. So I am supporting Ma and by supporting her I am also managing my grief. My own sense of loss. I am also running and swimming and trying to do useful things.





This morning I'll head for the run and then I'll do Ma's legs and then her back. She also needs to exercise, so we will do that exercising before she goes to the market. After that we'll come home and then have a rest. While she rests, I'll go for my swim. I'll get back and have a short rest myself. Do some writing or drawing. Something artistic. Then after that, at around 5.30 pm we will exercise and we'll go to the park. After that we will have dinner, after we get back from the park. I'll do her feet after that. That will be today. Two outings, two sets of exercises, do her feet twice. I get my run and my swim. I get to do some art and some writing. Today will be a good day.

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