Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I was thinking about hypocrisy. Having both been inflicted and practised it a lot in my life. Sometimes hypocrisy is a good thing, when it saves someone being hurt by the 'truth'. At other times it is extremely corrosive, like when you say one thing and do something completely different. Like treat people so differently. And it becomes intensely frustrating and damaging when people who are on the 'outside' don't realise what a shit you are being to the people who are closest to you. I find that kind of hypocrisy vile actually. It is the vilest because it affects people directly. So someone could be saying all the right things about mindfullness and all that, but then the people whom they have to live with an a daily basis suffer from the complete opposite of the principles they profess. Which is probably why i don't do religion. Or meditation. Self awareness, actualisation and recognition in the real world with real people, bringing that practise into real lif...

So i did find my camera... and i took these photos... Skinners! Ghin at SKinners having some lasagne... All for me, none for ye Ghin is getting this He is so cute thing from lots of people now... its amazing to think he was such a muppet when he was born. As in not very nice looking, as in actually quite awful. But he's alright luking now. So thank god. York!!! I could live in York. There was something so strangely familiar about it. I can't tell what. It was as if i had been there before, as if i had walked there.. the river, the buildings, the history. I instantly felt at home. The last time i had such a immediate reaction to a place was Kinnegoe Bay. It was as if i was meant to have been there... Duttons I got knitting things from Duttons. They have this amazing room at the top called the medieval room. It's hard to believe that building has been there now since the 1300s... Saggy buildings, my favourite... How can you not love it? The ...

Have left Peter with the monks downstairs and have told the kids that i will be taking them from their playstation and that sort of Friday night techno binge soon. The monks are from Plum Village and they are fairly right now. They remind me of the Jesuits we used to hang out with in Barry Street. The ones who used to hang out with Martin Sheen when he was in Derry, or when they were in California. Anyway they are really lovely. Plum Village is this wee Bhuddist community started by Thich Nat Hanh, who is always rather annoyingly described as a nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize, nominated by MLK. I do think that he rather exceeds the status of the prizew, especially when you think that is has been won by some right eejits before. Thay as they call him, has done so much for real people, and has attempted to bring real peace into people's lives. Having lived through a terrible war himself, his real application of Bhuddism for society sends a strong message to everyone, especially...

It is the end of a busy busy week. Was in York, photos to follow shortly and how many things were crappish last week, they are good, really good, this week. Yet another bead on the necklace of life... everything, but everything changes. I won't pretend that things were difficult - and most of the time it never makes any sense, but i think that for me it is important to remember what a tremendous magical world there is out there and to hold on to that. And York reminded me of that. It was really interesting as well, i was in the airport and realised that i was getting fed up with people for no reason at all. And then i caught myself on and went, ah ha i'm picking things off people. I will not do this now. And so began smiling at the staff and all those other sour faced individuals. And you know what, people smiled back. They actually became much happier. It was an experiment that for me, worked. On our fridge is a quote from Thich Nat Hanh that goes "Sometimes your jo...

It's been a busy weekend. I think that the highlight was the hoover was working. Yes. There was the baking of cakes and buns and the pre Haloween thing at John McCormick's but really the hoover working was the highlight because it has not been used properly by me since the five months that we have had it and now that it is working well, it was magic getting the house done properly. A friend sent me an email later by Stanford types who are saying that conservation is not working because the conservationists are doing it like, wrong. They are not talking to local communities and working well with them, as a result land is damaged at an alarming rate. This is not rocket science. In fact i think that rocket science is useless. Anyone who is a rocket scientist is lovely and great, but really you have wasted your life. Much better to apply your skills and knowledge on staying on earth and trying to make the best of life here... anyway, i digress. Just my humble opinion. Anyway, i...

I've misplaced my camera. This means that i couldn't take the amazing paintings i saw yesterday by Anita and a young painter who also works in her attic whose name i've forgotten, such is old age. And i won't be able to take photos from the party at John's today. Shitey shite shite. Buns are baking away in the oven and we made cupcakes earlier today. The hoovering and the laundrying have been done and i'm now relaxing. Listening to Belfast Child which made me cry... because my children are Belfast children, and then now Killing Moon cos it was on the youtube playlist for this sort of song genre which i think is 80s, melancholic, self absorption rock. Ghin is crying...

There is this great series (btw the file tranfers continues a pace and i thought i'd put down a few thoughts while this was happening) Life Scientist or something on Tuesday morning just after the Morning News thingy. Anyway. The interviewee was Steven Pinker, who despite his 'celeb status' i had never heard of before. He wrote these books saying that it wasn't just nuture, it was nature as well, and a very strong propoent of Darwinism. We don't have an immortal soul of course, he declared. We are just a function of our biology. Also immortality means that people just think this is a phase. And they don't really take any responsibility for their lives. ... Last night we read the Little Mermaid, in the original HC Andersen English translation. It does not have the happy ending. Oisin was hilarious. He said that the prince had static in his brain and said that the Little Mermaid really was 'dumb' for sacrificing everything for the prince. In fact at on...

OK. For a very long time, i used to think that astral travel was something that new age nuts believed in. The idea was introduced to me, not by a new age nut, but by this Chinese guy who used to study maths in Exeter. Perhaps that should have given me a clue. My interest in the astral and all things connected with it sort of toodled along, mostly quite incidentally, until, i had to take it more seriously for the course. 'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy', says the astonished prince. And i think that is what has made this course so fascinating. Steiner attempts to explain in very precise terms the bits of heaven and earth that don't fit. That have spawned the current explosion in quantum physics, ethics and even interest in Bhuddist philosophy/psychotherapy and spirituality. Why am i also so surprised then that it sound kooky and ridiculous? After all, let's face it, all of the disciplines associated with it are ...

Today I watched as you appeared as Confused - as I was - about the sonic intrusions into your dark perfect world How I giggled as you Jiggled, white pixilated flesh pulsing hotly on the tiny rectangular screen in a warm sleepy ocean See, there's the heart, Beating, said Dr Moohan. Where? we both wanted to know (My heart? I could feel you say. Me, have I a heart?) An inch long, no more Maybe slightly less - already Dreaming of leonoid showers and Somersaults in space And now, tonight, I can just about make out your face - That opens and shuts like a soft flower A face that a mother could love 17 November 2000

There was something about today. Today i felt powerful. But not like corporation powerful. Like something was humming in the generator, quietly powerful. Personally. It's been a gradual transition. Somehow i'm no longer in hock to the slings and arrows. Somehow... somehow... i don't know what it is. I walked past the room today and i didn't bother looking in. These people appeared shrunken. Like somehow they had diminished in their size and effect. A line was crossed yesterday. I won't be going back. I think, vaguely, i am not afraid anymore. And it isn't this youthful innocence unafraid. It's a tried and tested unafraid. I know i make too big a deal of it. But there and things in my life that most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at which have scared me so much and today, for some reason, it seems diminshed. It's not like it has gone away. If it can be described, it is as if it has marginalised itself by being so in your face. Like Toto has pulled th...

Bedroom bliss... My bedroom has become mission control. From here i put the kids to bed, reading them stories, write my essays, upload my FB and think about everything i can possibly think about. It is just quite simply, the best place in the world and i totally and utterly adore it.  We went for an outing to Seapark and Ghin insisted on bring the Ghinny Pig along.  Pineapple buff.... Move ova snoop Then we had lunch in Made in Belfast Oisin gives feedback. I strongly suspect it's a royalist made hip venue. Can't wait to see what a West Belfast decor would entail The Halloween platter with a knife through the toffee apple. Thought it was suitably horrific. Today i did everything i said i would. I repotted plants, did all the laundry, washed dishes, changed the sawdust in the guinea pig's cage, took the boys for a walk because it was such a beautiful day, and then FINISHED MY ESSAY!!! Yes. I kid you not. Yesterday's mushroom picking...

Yesterday we went on a fungal foray. I think if i have a biodiversity fetish, it would have to be for the fungi. Really. I think it is because i relate to their liminal state. I also love the fact that they are rude, reckless, so different, they seem to make up their own rules, and completely and utterly underestimated. Also they are exceedingly poisonous. And dangerous. Despite being so small. They are also found everywhere. They are the 99 per cent of the plant world. Without fungi there would be no life on earth. Really. Ghin has taken to wearing buffs. Here is Oisin helping him with it. What are older brothers for eh? We found a giant shroom... It was bigger than Ghin Loughmacrory is a very beautiful place in the middle of the Sperrins. Think Castlewellan without the annoying human beings Sheep everywhere Tell me you can't love them They were mostly all rotten because it was so wet. In fact two more inches and we would have been taking a boat...

On Thursday, Damian was in town and we had a party to celebrate. Now when i say party, it was  very grown up affair, considering that when Damian left town three years ago clothes were exchanged and i think i got home at 8 am. I then went home, realised that i had a pink sparkly number on which i never remembered buying or indeed putting on, and then went back to his place to get my own clothes back. So it was tres grown up this time round.  Here are some photos... the Food Not Bombs team. Say peas... or peace.... I met Damian, Tom and Miriam.... at the grassroots gathering. This was nearly seven years ago. Lisa was highly pregnant and i had volunteered to work the kitchen. It is safe to say that no one had any idea about cooking at this stage and the food was very late and some of it was uncooked and some of it was burnt. I had spent most of that time peeling spuds and Oisin who was three at that time spent most of the time playing with the spuds in the...