Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Today Camino takes me to old Singapore... old as in this is where it started spreading out... the CDB Central Business District which is truly an amazing feat of engineering and which tbh terrifies me with its reach n ambition has some of the most unphotographicable architecture... only because nothing can convey the magnitude of the glass, concrete n steel. Interwoven with it, in pockets are old shop houses, now dwarfed like ants by the massive footprint of these skyscrapers.  I studied on Victoria Street, a walk away from the Padang, City Hall and Raffles everything, so returning here, because it has all changed, I feel disembodied. Like a dead person wandering around a house which has been changed beyond all recognition. I suppose it is fitting for the start of the 7th month.

The thing that has changed most since my last time here is the somewhat terrifying scale of building. Overbuilding was always a problem here. It was already off the scale when I left. Villages and coastlines were replaced with flats and shopping malls. Places like Chinatown were thoroughly  sanitised. Little colonial gems were almost flattened,  like the nuns quarters and Chapel at CHIJ. If u could not prove your commercial worth, then it was off with your head.  It was a lot. In fact it was already too much. And I think most Singaporeans thought, it will stop soon. It turns out the developers were not done with the place... the era of the superstructure and Ultimate Fantasy Vandalism would arrive after I left. Resorts World and Marina Bay Sands would usher in an age of bewilderment and bafflement. Biggering and buggering, the juggernaut rolled on, mostly without the involvement of Singaporeans... Labour was foreign and slave, investment was government and foreign... a sm...

Sentosa Walk Chia Thye Poh Sentosa in the 70s and 80s and 90s...  before it was trashed by developers Ghin yesterday The boys make sushi Gary <3 Holiday reading Well here I am... half way through. I spent the first week in Jac's house - I did loads. Drew, wrote, played the piano, class prep. Then week 2 was incessant walking all over the place. Anywhere but inside. I tried to understand Singapore in a way I never could. I walked to walk the pain off of not being with my sons. I walked to try and understand what had happened to this place after I woke up 25 years later. I walked to try and grasp what this was all about. I walked in hutan, bukit, city, streets, highways... I walked in the sun and walked in the shade. I walked. I walked to get fit again. I walked to see how large this place was... I walked. Singapore is not as small as people say it is. It is not.  That is my first conclusion. ...

So here's the progress of this drawing which is much nicer than the Gemini drawing I think. When this is all done I may have to go back to Gemini... I wonder if I will make Leo Sekhmet - or the Sphinx?  After I discovered that the constellation could also be a lobster which makes the most sense to me, I decided that I would use the lobster and the moon which is the planet of Cancer - and take inspiration from the Moon Tarot. Except that I also used the leaves of the Peepul tree. It has only taken a day-ish to do it and I feel great. But that's all I did today. Just the drawing and I guess that's good enough. Tomorrow I'll return to the routine again. Oh yes!!! I am now free to leave the house and see Ma and Pa. I have no Covid according the the PCR test. It is so stupid the way the thing works. The guy who invented PCR never meant for it to be used thi...

After I searched Cayce yesterday I was led to this series of lectures about Atlantis which links them to the megaliths whose construction is still a mystery.  So I had a deep dive into that and briefly this guy's hypothesis is that according to Cayce, there was a cataclysm around the 10,000 BC and during that time, the Atlanteans migrated to the Americas and to Egypt - traces of the knowledge transfer took place and then was lost. I mean something was DEFINITELY lost. He then says that the Atlanteans were most probably giants and had 6 fingers on one hand and six toes on one foot - and they were the so called gods. There were other notes which I had made... it was interesting. The other thing which we said was that they were androgynous. That they had the ability to procreate by themselves. The split took place according to Greek myth, which I already knew, because Zeus thought that this made human beings too powerful. Our splitting was us becoming human. Interestingly he mentions ...

It did that heavy tropical rain this morning - half an hour of heat relieving drops cascading down from the skies, as if we were standing beneath a waterfall. Oh how I love this rain. Immediate. Purposeful. Determined.  I have not had any booze now for four days - well, five... and I do not miss it at all. I keep busy - mornings are about writing and doing class prep. I have a nap after lunch and then play the piano. After that I try and find out whats happening to the flights. Then I work on the goddess workshop and I am now putting together the sign of cancer which is going to be based on the Moon Tarot. It is almost certainly one of the most cryptic cards in the Tarot and I must try and look up what I said about it.  But these are peaceful days - apart from the intrusion of the ICA from time to time, and the lack of my sons, but it has been a relief. A relief I did not know I needed. It has been so long since I have been released to do my own thing. I cannot remember when t...

I have cut and paste the entire story sans notes and now I am starting to write new material. It is terrifying and exciting. But I am also taking it off line. So i'm not doing it here anymore because it will be too difficult to keep track of, as I have discovered.  But I am now entering the present time, which means that for now it is going to be multi-time lined... and this will bring us up to date with the world which we have and know now. These crazy times... I must remember that the best writing comes as we write though the pain, as we write through the doubt. As we write through the shaky horrible failed prose. And just keep on writing.

After compiling all the writings, I have discovered I have around 80 pages, 1.5 spaced writing, of material. The next step is reading the entire thing through to refamiliarse myself with it more and then get started again. It feels good and strong and excellent. I think that maybe Ma's printer will get a workout this year if it is still working that is... God the rain!!! How miraculous. It is supposed to rain daily and then start to shine again. The last time I was here there was no rain for more than a month. It was strange and unsettling. I remember this because when I went walking in MacRitchie which I did A LOT OF I would ask for rain and once there was a smattering. In fact there was one rainstorm at the start of the holidays and thereafter it was bone dry. There is nothing more unsettling than no rain. The Earth is in perfect balance I don't know why human beings feel the need to 'improve' nature... there is no improvement. The planet has been here for 4 billion y...

Well yesterday I received a visit from the ICA. Ut was no biggie, except that they filmed their 'interview' with me - while i was wearing a sarong and only a sarong. And they weren't wearing a uniform. Nor did they officially identify themselves. And they asked me for my sister's phone number. And they WhatsApped me on my mobile with a personal number... it was completely inconsistent, in fact the exact opposite of a professional interaction.  I don't know - I mean that ... I have been hemming and hawing about the jab - aaaannnnnd - I was talking to Jac about how the vaccines were about to be mandated in the UK for all health workers in April when the doctor spoke up and said he wasn't going to take the jab and he was willing to lose his job for that. and when that took place the whole idea of vaccine mandates were knocked on the head. My mistake was not not taking the jab, but instead not preparing enough for it. Assuming that things were as lax in Northern Ire...

WEll I am now uptodate with all the writing on Atlantis. It has taken me only 3 days! I know where I am now. I am amazed that I wrote all that. Towards the end the story just came... I saw things... it was so clear... the whole point in know now is just to finish the first draft and I will do that over the next six weeks.  I am sleepy now.  I will go upstairs after lunch, do some sketching and writing and then think about where I am going with this. But yes, Atlantis... the whole Sirius thing threw me... but I just cannot let too much fact get in the way of a good story. I know that there was a faction in the Annunaki which comes over to the side of the Atlanteans. Inanna, Enki and 

Well it is done and I am DELIGHTED WITH IT So here we are.. Gemini - I think there is enough colour really. I am delighted with it. It first perfectly in the zodiac collection. I am absolutely pleased with it. It is perfect.

It has been such a productive past four days now... I really have to keep this up when I get to Ma's. Honestly, I have to thanks Covid for this enforced retreat and not having bloody Netflix has been such a boon. And also not having access to Tescos to buy cider has also been great. But also to just cut off from everything - cleaning the house, shopping, cooking - it is a testament to the artist's retreat. I am so enjoying myself. So what have I done exactly? I have started looking at Atlantis again. And rereading my writing on it so far and decided the course of action - which is to just continue writing Sangita's story. So far it has been really good. I have a good strong introduction - I have have realised that I have done enough groundwork to keep going. And to take a workman like approach to the writing. Just showing up everyday no matter what. Of course this is MUCH easier if I am being looked after and all energies and being direc...

I have been systematically going back through the work I have done on Atlantis and have discovered how I got to where I have and it now feels like it has come together. Tomorrow will be more going through the rest of the writing and making more painstaking notes. This hasn't been so much of a holiday as a retreat. I joke about it but that is EXACTLY what it has been. Well... It is good. The ideas are good. They are there. The building blocks are there. I am quite pleased with it.  I will just continue then, one foot in front of the other. And take a very workmanlike attitude to it. Exactly the same attitude I have towards my job as a teacher. Discipline is everything.

As soon as she thought this, the mists lifted and there it was, The Harbour. The Harbour and its little village or town, with the houses stacked upon each other, each scrubbed clean and shining in the gentle setting of the sun. Lights were winking on, greeting her as she began to get ever closer. Here, I have longed and looked for this place forever, she said softly. I have sought this place all over the world and here I have finally found it. She sailed close to the jetty and threw the rope over the post, pulling herself in. She then tied the boat up and when she turned around, it had disappeared. This was now her land, she was now here - we cannot swim back against the tides, as Fitzgerald observed once upon a time on another jetty in a very real place.  She turned back to the houses. Further, beyond the town, was a mountain with a single pine tree edging out over a promontory. There is where I am headed first, she said. There first, and then, back again. Smells of evening meals ...

Yesterday was tremendously productive. I jump started loads of things and managed to retrieve my thoughts about Atlantis. I just need to approach it like a workman - the same amount of graft which I put into going to school - getting up and getting it done. There are so many good things about what I have done so far. I should believe in myself more. Covid is now becoming a completely nonsensical construct. I don't know what is wrong with saying that they overreacted. But now Jac is saying that Chona's overreaction has to do with them not having a good infrastructure. The sounds of a Singaporean morning are all around me. Birdsong which is now refamiliarising and today I saw a hornbill flying past. Burung Rangkok. An onomatopoetic name... So I got loads done and I got the image for Gemini. It is going to be a Janus-like figure - but one a man and another woman. The tree is oak and the planet mercury. The only picture I have is a black and white putline but I'd really like it...

I am revisiting what I have written. What I have written with Sangita - that is not awful. In fact I am happy to continue with it and I also rediscovered the directory of incredible objects - something like Jorge Luis Borges Mythological Beings. Which is a cool writing exercise anyway. I will continue with the story of Sangita and Darshan which now reads like a YA novel. Do I want it to be a YA thing? I don't know. How does one make a work about Atlantis not a YA thing huh? Do I want to write about not Atlantis and try to make it something more serious or do I need to get Atlantis out of my system? I think I know the answer to that one. I think I'm just gonna have to write what I know the heart wants and needs and that has to be Atlantis. So, here we go. A year and a half after I began this journey...  Here we go. I think I have enough now to continue... I am now trying to start the quill flowing.  To write with no inhibitions - to allow the words to fall as they once did. The...

When I first undertook my shamanic work, I did not understand how more than twenty years later I would circle round back to it to start using it to work with others. Journeying with trees, these incredible beings has been a gift and privilege of being a human being. Trees have long been a part of our culture, forming the central axis literally of our imaginings as inhabitants of this incredible planet. In every culture, trees have been conduits to other forms of consciousness and it takes a very small shift in our way of seeing and understanding to develop this relationship with trees. Trees are rooted in the soil, they grow and are bountiful on the land and their branches reach up into the skies, diminishing, spiritualising as they disappear into the space around them. They are able to travel through time, vast tracts of it, thousands of years in some cases, and they can support us on that journey. Working with trees therefore is about working with all of human consciousness and being...

It was only recently -  like three weeks ago - I finally understood, viscerally got the picture understood it like it hit me like a thunderbolt, the meaning of now. I was listening to the Roe v Wade overturning and just thought, wonderful here we go again, this shit and again - we thought we had that sorted, but we had not. And that's when I realised... well all we have is now. Literally. All we have is now. There are no victories, no successes, no defeats, no triumphs - all we have is the present moment and the past and present flow through it seamlessly, like current - we distill all that there is in the now. The now is distilled, pure life. If we can bring ourselves to be present... I must really practise it more.  If I had maybe I would have made more of an effort to find out what Ghin needed... I so blame myself for all this. The restrictions and crazy on the travel are far worse than I thought it could ever be. But I moved through that and now - here we are with Now. Now...

Triple Goddess by Byrant Design My journey with the Goddess began... I think... at the Silver Moon bookshop in London. There I picked up a little organiser with the bronze head of a goddess - it was part Medusa and part Athena, part Artemis. I have always loved the Goddess - her association to the Moon, to my own body, periods - it was an important part of reclaiming myself as I discovered a new language through feminism. My next memory was reading Gimbutas' the Myth of the Goddess. Taking us from the Neolithic to the present day, Gimbutas showed how the cycle of bios and zoe were embedded not just in the planet, but our perception of it - and how in the past 1000 years women were either written out of the picture or actively turned into caricatures of what the feminine could be.  For me it was a revelation that the triple goddess could be so hidden, so obliterated from our present that women who should at least have the image and language to rely on were cut off from this powerful...

Nephew... how he has grown! The boys at Little Wing We had a lot of great fun... The wonder of children Well, here I am. Travelling has definitely become worse for the regular person. The disparity of income has become so wide that life has become worse for people who were middle class or are... I don't know what that means anymore. And then obscene for people who have become the superrich. I don't care anyway. I am happy where I am and with who I am... but anyone a little less well off than I am - how are they going to cope? I have decided to make this lockdown work for me. I will organise, draw, play the piano and do class prep. So here is how it is going to work. Thursday Morning Get up and stretch Journaling Writing: Review Atlantis Class Prep: Read Yellow Book and other guidance texts Break Play Piano Insurance and flights Goddess workshop: Triple Goddess outline Drawing: Gemini Stretch Break Organise emails: Sort and dele...