Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Yesterday i finished clearing the front of the house. I put all the leaves where they should be - either mulching or against the hedges, and i lightly pruned an old, very woody shrub. It may well be the shrub's last year. Today i will sort out the backyard. The DynoRod people have left it a complete mess. I did feel very angry, but then i brought it to the universe. It was amazing how anger disappears when you do this. You can do things, sort out solutions without being angry or emotional. I don't know what it has taken me so long to understand this. Today's weather i think will be like yesterday's weather. It will be dull at the start and then it will lighten up. It was a quiet satisfying day of doing things. When i think of how i am soooo much better at gardening. For a start, i have all the right tools and i know when i should use them. I am sure there are a million other tools i have no idea about, but these do for now. And i know what i am doing as well. Pr...

From a single point To the furthest reach Everything is sacred Yesterday, i did lots of gardening and cooking. I made lasagne, roasted aubergines and then in the evening in made a roast chicken. Oisin bought me the rest of my Christmas present. which was this kick ass rake, a climbing rose bush and finally, a pot to put it in. It was very nice. All through the day i thought of my wounded pride. The reason, i had realised that i had held on to many many of these hurts was because my wounded pride had never been salved. Somehow, it had never been resolved. Possibly because it had never been identified. I had identified this in a million different ways, but never, it was my pride which had been hurt. That last bit. And so this morning i began journaling about it. My wounded pride. And the more i journaled, the more uncomfortable i felt. I had to hold on to mantras and to remember that the universe would take the pain and transform it. It was alright to hand it over. And then i tho...

The days between Christmas and the New Year always pass very slowly. Partly because of the weather, and partly because you are FORCED to take a holiday, rather than choosing to take one. However, i am not complaining. Oisin said, when i made this observation, i really like that he said. You just really enjoy each day and it goes slowly. I like that. We spent two days in Donegal, at Rossknowlagh. Peter and I spent a night there when we got married. The boys wee amazed. You mean you had a one night honeymoon? I thought it should last one week. I think my sons are going to get a rude awakening when they start dating women. I did ask Oisin, would you go out with a girl who likes hair and make up and clothes and all that? NO! He said. That would be sooooo boring. If she couldn't do things for herself. Again, No. So, yes, all you mothers raising feminists out there, maybe Oisin is the boy for them. Sacredness 101: Give all your burdens to the spirit So continuing with my interest...

Painting of a photograph of a robin by Anthony McGeehan the painting was later given to Anthony!

The light of the world Today i got up and began thinking about the spirit once again. To remember, to make it a habit, the going to the source at all times. This can be very difficult. But i think it needs to happen most when i experience negative emotions. I notice there is a hardening inside me when this occurs, and the first step perhaps is to not feel hardness, but softness. Of course, i experience negative emotions quite often. I think most people do. A memory alights, or perhaps an interaction. A feeling of inadequacy. The knowledge that something has been left undone. And then, then, it is time for the kindness and gentleness to begin. For forgiveness to happen. It feels like literally lifting something from your heart and placing it to one side. It feels stroking a cat. It isn't burying a feeling, but rather, saying there, there, it will be alright. And it will be alright, even if it is not really alright. It will be alright because we are all part of this universal m...

Last night, something quite important happened to me. As usual i was agonising in my journal about the state of the world and what the hell i should do about it. Well, i suppose how i should be in the world. What i had failed to recognise was that really, what i was doing was praying. I was praying to the spirit to find a way. In my own way. And as i was writing suddenly, it dawned upon me, in a very deep and real way, that everything was sacred. Everything. That the spirit moved around us and as a result everything changed. What was done with that spirit and how we acted determined that change and that was why freedom was important, that was why free choice was important. That is the very condition of man. And the more i understood this, the more blessed i felt. It was as if i was now gazing into the very heart of the truth of our being - it was really a deep realisation. In fact, just writing about it does it no justice at all. I felt very grateful that the thing which i was lo...

Well, i did it! I cleaned the house. It was the laundry and i did the laundry. Now the machine is whirring away and will be doing so for another four more rounds. Because we are in all day the heat is on so the clothes are getting dried and this time tomorrow i would have caught up on all the laundry. That is laundry not done for the last two and a half weeks. For dinner i have converted the veg spag bol we had this afternoon into a soup and the boys are having veg sausages with some mash. A simple meal. I am actually sickened with all the food and advice about consuming this Christmas. It began two months ago and never let up. Just growing into a crescendo until i could not bear it any more and it has actually turned me off celebrating Christmas. Ghin this year found out there was no Santa. So there is no need to get a few presents. They ask me now for one or two big things, like he got cats this year, and that's it. It is no longer about having to constantly give people thing...

Why do people complain about the weather? It is not like they can do anything about it. I hate complaining, i never complain. I just do something about it if i don't like it and if i can't do anything about it, then i either lump it, or if i can't lump it, i just get on with it. Complaining is a futile exercise. It is irrational and a waste of time. Also i have learnt, as the years go by, people have stopped taking responsibility for anything, so there is no point complaining about anything at all. This is why i hate interfacing with the real world. My experience with SMW Volvo taught me that. Singaporeans are the number one complainers on the planet. They will complain about things which don't even need complaining about. And then they will happily vote in the government even though they have complained long and bitterly about it. Singaporeans are without doubt the biggest cry babies i have ever known. However, they are not as big as the DNC which seems to have manag...

I never really cared much about holidays - until i began teaching. Let us face it. Most of the time, in white collar jobs, you sort of do something which is quite unpressurerised and you get paid quite a goodly sum of money for it. If you didn't turn up for work tomorrow, the world would not end. IF you were off on stress for two weeks, that would not matter. But that is not the case with teaching. With teaching, your relationship with your class really counts. Especially in Steiner teaching and if you don't turn up for three days, then your class will feel quite sad. It is true. I don't have any illusions that say if i dropped dead tomorrow, they will be fine in the long run. I don't have those illusions, but also, at the same time, if you don't turn up for work there will be repercussions, there will be real consequences. So i turn up for work even if i am very very very tired. I turn up. And TEACHING itself is not an easy gig. I know i am very lucky i h...

Today i had one tiny sip of coffee. It was an accident. And now i can't sleep. My entire back is very sore, which may mean that i am going to be sick. I can't tell. So instead of trying to sleep, i now am here, trying to think about what i need to be doing over the next few days. The task is, as usual, an enormous one. Why i don't take the easy life i do not know. I could have taught a main lesson and have been done with it. But no, i had to do a play. I also had to agree to teach children how to make gingerbread houses. Anyone who has made a gingerbread house will know that it is not something you try and teach ten eleven year olds. It is just insanity. I don't know how far i am going to get with it, I think it will have to be a very simple gingerbread house. And now i am very cold and shivery and sneezy. So anyway, when i look back on this year, i have to say that this was the year where a cycle seemed to come to an end. A cycle which began, i suppo...

I have spent a lot of time trying to get both sides of the picture regarding Syria. What is beginning to emerge is the following. Of course the situation is complicated. When two people get divorced, the situation is complicated, let alone a conflict like war. But here is what i am discovering. Firstly, that Assad is a dictator. Sort of like a dictator like LKY. If you think that LKY is bad, then you probably think Assad is worse. So i would say Assad is worse. HOWEVER, Assad is also a moderniser. He believes in a very secularist take on Islam. Women in Damascus walk around without the hijab and they are sleeves. They study. They can move around accompanied. They speak many languages. The Syria which Assad wants is prosperous and tolerant.  However, Assad has two enemies. The Americans, because Syria has a long standing position of completely disdain for the West, and well it might, and the fundamentalists. As a result, there has now been an unholy alliance between the neocons a...

Yeah,,,, how cool am i? It has been an awful day. Well, there was SMW Volvo. Honestly. those people. They make me think interfacing with the real world is something i'd rather not do. Take the BLUE BLUE Pill. Please, make me take the blue pill. I had to wait for an hour and a half, nay, two hours, before the entire issue re my headights was sorted. And even then.... who fecking knows. I fucking hate them. I am currently trying to find another Volvo certified mechanic so that i never have to see the fake insides of their showroom again. With their weird dime store Daily Mail aesthetics. Honestly. The manager had the temerity to suggest that i had pulled off the wire off my headlights by myself. Eh, why and how would i do that you eejit? Two weeks ago one of your ficked my headlights for the third time - and now, after two weeks the thing has blown and that is because you think someone has pulled out the wires. And you think that is me? Me.... do you know how it got disconnecte...

Today i went for my run around a quarter past seven. The weather wasn't great. It was rainy and cold. Not windy. But actually also not cold. But i went for my run. I can hear the wind outside now. We have run out of oil. Our drains are blocked and the headlights on the car don't work. It has been a cold soggy start to the Christmas season. However, i don't really feel like celebrating. Not in the way i have been told to celebrate. Get the electric lights out. Put up the tree. Get the wreaths out. I don't want to celebrate it like that. I want to celebrate it by listening to the slow, deep heartbeat of the Earth. By silently welcoming back the return of the light. By going on long walks. But watching the sea come in and out. That is how i want to celebrate it. I want to spent all that money which people say i must spend on crap on making the house a little more comfortable. I want to spend more time with the children. I want to go running a bit more. Soak a ...

I think i will dye my hair blue and rock the mermaid look So some people want to be unicorns or fairies or butterflies or eagles but i have always, always, always known that if i had to leave reality and enter different reality i would be a mermaid. ALWAYS. Since i was six years old, playing on the beaches of Singapore, draping seaweed over my head and my legs, swimming like a guppy, i always, always, always knew that i was a mermaid. So i think that maybe i rock that look finally now that my hair is white and dye it  blue. Here is the test, i think it looks awesome. If i am taking selfies, you also know that i am running again. I never quite feel human when i haven't had the blood and the sweat close to the surface of my skin. So yesterday, i made burritos for dinner, did the laundry, cleaned the house and now i have gone running no less than TWO times. I love running. I don't know why i ever fucking stop running. It makes me very sad when i don't run. I don...

Like most people, i imagine, we spent most of 2016 depressed. I mean there was a lot to be depressed about. Mostly the state of the world. But i also know that lots of people were also depressed about how their lives had gone. Many changes took place in lives. I think it was all capped by Trump's triumph in the US. This is not to say that Hilary would have been a better choice. The entire election was utterly depressing. The Earth itself went through some terrible shit. 2016 was the year that scientists essentially told us that we had passed the point of no return. Our addiction to cheap travel and a throw away culture had effectively resulted in the collapse of our climatic systems. We had passed the point of no return. The situation in the Middle East, was not aided by the swing to the right in Europe either. The brotherhood of man is unraveling before our very eyes. The worse part? The people who had set it all in motion, for their own selfish ends, have now overreached ...

Tiamat and Marduk - Assyrian Seal It's been ages since i posted. Not because it has been ages, but because I have been deleting everything I've posted. It has been tough. Mostly because, you know, i am like quite old, well, ok, not really, but OLDER than i used to be, and also because i am facing the menopause. I mean, why the heck shouldn't i talk about it? The menopause now means that i get my periods like once every three weeks. Well, it feels like that, instead of what used to pass a menopause, once every six weeks. I mean, i don't mind having the menopause. Only that my womb feels like a bloated sponge and it feels like i have perma flu for about three days. All my bones ache and my head hurts. The alternative is that i could have the flu as well... in any case, my body feels like a wet sack of potatoes which i am forced to lug around and by god, my mood is something else. Everything, like when i have the flu, is like supersharp and at the same time sup...