Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I wrote this entry and then accidentally deleted it. It was really quite ludicrous. But I want to rewrite this important part of it. That yesterday during the Act of Consecration I saw this image of a flame - it was inspired by the readings I have been doing on Zoroastrianism. And what I understood was that I would always make my heart a hearth. The warmth of a beautifully welcome fire would always burn in my heart. That I would radiate my love and it wouldn't not matter - it would be unconditional. And now matter how much the world tried to blow it out, I would call upon Archangel Michael to help me maintain it. He will protect and guard my fire and help me to keep it burning, for everyone. It did not matter good nor bad. That fire would be there. It did not mean I condoned stupid evil things, but it did meant that I would not withdraw. That I would not, as I used to do, take all my toys from the table and storm off. What I discovered was that I withdrew when two things too...

Who is this angel or archangel? These cards are so interesting, in that they seem to be paralleled with my life. I just want to talk about Melchizedek for a bit. Having always been fascinated, even attracted to Melchidezek since I ever heard his name mentioned, seeing this being, I have a deep sense that it is the Risen Being after Death. Death has now given way to Temperance. Now, after we have lost everything, now when we have surrendered, we find balance, we find peace within ourselves. The feeling in the card is one of complete tranquility. It is one of peace - the calm after the storm, the treasure after the surrender. When we surrender and give up things we once fought so hard to cling on to, we discover what is left is EXACTLY what is it we needed. That all of that gathering, that journey has been good and important, and useful, but now, we cannot take everything with us. We must essentialise - reduce the thing into what is left for us and then, from the essence we can...

My island - Ireland I have had great innings, there is no doubt. Great innings. This week was really important - I made two decisions. The first decision was that no matter what I think about people I will never EVER let them get under by skin. This was impossible in the past, mostly because I was a shallow, annoying person. But now that I have made this decision, probably the most difficult quirk in my personality, or should I say terrible flaw, it is like being set free from a prison. I am ecstatic. You can't piss me off any more, and YOU can't piss me off any more, and I like you, and I LOVE you, and I really do feel compassion for you. It doesn't mean I condone anything you say, or will stick around forever, but I am FREE OF YOU. It is true. My friend told me this, and partly it was... if I break it down... it was... the annoyance of someone else not seeing what they were doing that was wrong (this could be on both the macro OR micro scale), other people t...

Four years ago, I started watercolour class. I kept it up intermittently and now I am ok with watercolours. Especially since coming back from Singapore. I did watercolour because the school uses so much watercolour. Watercolour is good for the child's etheric. The moving colours are therapeutic and very satisfying. It also dries so forgivingly. So, that chicken has come home to roost. I am now doing watercolour maps with the class. And they look stunning. This is how we rock in a Steiner School Detailed map making from scratch I was able to use the blackboard to write the names of geographical features... honestly how is a computer better than this? Just delighted with the maps this week My map After that we singed the maps so that they had some burned edges and smoke damage A student said, I really like it the parts where they don't burn Each map, no matter how accurate or inaccurate was just stunning The combination of colours and the layers in...

William Morris Well, things have gone back the way they were. I feel much better now. It is almost certainly the busy weekend. But I recaptured that. It was good yesterday finally getting back into the routine. Cooking in the evening is an important part of that for me. It's like a bellweather to tell me how I'm feeling. When I cook, no matter how simple, I am back from whatever mess I've been in. I was telling a friend that there is a tail after a storm for me, an emotional outburst. The tail is like a hangover - this feeling of being shite. Of a heaviness. Of feeling the ghost of the outburst. Of course having been insulted so roundly is awful. This is why I have limited my interactions to the messenger. There is a witness then. When it is off Messenger, it is so much much worse because there are no witnesses. I am never EVER going to make that mistake again. Everything is to be done via Messenger.The thing that gets me about him is that people think he is so...

Rosetti's The Bride Today I made a breakthrough. As I was lamenting my wonderful life, I decided that I am going to be overwhelming positive, and nice, and sweet, and kind, and GENUINELY so, to people, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. Because I would much rather die a good person than a bitter fuck up. Resentful of all the shitstirrers in my life. This does not mean that I become a doormat, but that I become a lighthouse - who sees it, it does not matter. What matters most is that I am strong, I am resilient, I am a force for good. I recognise all the good things about myself and harness that. To unleash the Christ. And that means just allowing the person to come through. Persona means the note that sounds through - so the persona is the spirit that comes through. That makes so much sense. I also made a partial recovery. After whining on about being so tired, I cooked a meal - rosti with chorizo - , folded the laundry, washed a new load and hung it out, chatted to Oisin, sorted th...

I do not know why I am so tired. No idea. t may well be because of the weekend with Prem, probably is, but I am so fecking tired it isn't funny. But I AM up and that's what counts. I am here. I am standing. Last night we were talking about Melchizedek. Who was he? It seems that he prefigures Christ. I have never ever given this any thought at all. I am discovering so many things about the Old Testament. It is so interesting given that we are also doing Ancient Mesopotamia in school. Fascinating stuff. So the Elohim were a Trinity, a multiplicity of gods. They were three men, very clearly, it says so in the passage and they were there right at the start. Yahweh, or God, or Lord, was a lesser God - part of the Trinity - there was God Most High - higher than Yahweh - and then there are the Elohim who made the Cosmos. It seems so strange that I only come to this now. Melchizedek prefigures Christ - in fact he IS Christ. Christ who has superseded Yahweh. Christ who ...

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever know anyone. It seems impossible. Today Oisin was mildly rude and arrogant to me, in a petty way, and instead of just letting it slide, I took it really thick. I seldom fight with my sons, so that when it happens it is awful. I know that there are parents and children who have the worst relationship with their kids, but I don't. And I think that this diffidence and ingratitude, mild though it was, just caught me off guard. I told him, even if you ARE tired, you cannot talk to people like that. Sure you talk to us like that blah blah blah. I was so angry with him and it was much worse that it occurred in the presence of Peter who was probably so happy that for once it was me who was pissing off the boys - so that made it worse. I don't care if HE treats me like shit, I told him, but I care if you do. You are not to speak to me like that. And I stormed out of the house. I think that Oisin is becoming a bit of an asshole though. But I also su...

Mornings are about being here, alone. Reconnecting to intent. Having faith is a wonderful thing. That is the reconnecting to the intent. To say yes to the everyday. I didn't do lesson prep last night. I mostly spent the time I had doing weekly prep, cooking very simple food and then going to bed early. I had strange dreams then woke at 4.15. I am really, REALLY tired. I may have also caught Ghin's cold - and he has a cough. So I must lesson prep now. Which is not ideal. I did read stuff on Sumerians. It was a strange week last week though. Very disrupted. The class isn't doing great in terms of ability. I must think about how I cater to everyone. I am also worried that they seem very young in terms of their ability to do maths and in their literacy as well. I suppose the first month was trying to see where they were with their abilities to write and numeracy. Right, it is time to do lesson prep.

Magritte - Empire of Light (1967) I am now 10 entries in credit for my blog. My promise to write one post every day has come through. My promise to listen to new music also has come through. My promise to write a short story - one short story every month is also panning out. I am writing three entries on average a week. It is the autumnal equinox - equal day and night. From now on, the darkness begins to overpower the light until my birthday - so it is, in a sense, a countdown to my birthday, the winter solstice. Everything is exactly the way it should be, the way it should always be. Always. I had such great conversations with Prema, we talked about Hindu philosophy and ancient literature and we talked about the journeys we made. Prem was so candid about her regrets and so honest about her learnings. She is sort of my older sister really. When I think about it, I don't really have an older sister. I suppose I used to in the past, but these have fallen by the wayside....

Making pooris Yesterday was something else. We drove to the Mournes, had a short walk around Spelga, ate at Castlewellan and then went for a walk around town. The weather ... well... the weather was the best weather which Ireland had to offer. Sunny and clear and cool - the perfect autumnal evening. Then we got the boys and headed back to the house to make pooris - which was so delicious. I now know how to make pooris!!!!! Also, the best raita with Clandyboye yoghurt, and delicious potato and pepper curry made with nothing but mustard seeds and ginger and onions. I must start making the Hari Krishna food again. It just resuscitated my longing and love for that. Then the conversations with Prema and Emma - it was so lovely and flowing and it was so interesting that Prema and myself were really not approving at all of the new hijab covering movement which has taken place in Kerala and Singapore. I did say though that I did ask a friend, did Singaporean women cover up now because...

Friends for 24 years - Prem and I It has been SUCH a busy week. I don't know why I was so tired though. I think the onset of the bloat before whatever is coming, although it doesn't feel like its coming anymore, the full moon, the busy week in class... whatever it is, it has been very very busy. How I would have coped with teaching till 3 pm is hard to know, but once again, remember you are not indispensable, life is too short, one day you are up and one day you are down, and you need to look after yourself. All those things. And I am also a better teacher for that. I am a better person for that. I don't feel ground down. Yesterday Prem came to visit and it was so nice to see her again. We went to the Dirty Duck, a real Irish pub, and then went for a walk along the Holywood Shore Line. She made me see the place differently - it helped that it was very sunny and gorgeous. Why would you want to leave this place? she asked me. I know Prem. I honestly cannot think ...

Veil painting from teacher training course in Hawthorn Valley Nothing like this had ever been in the entire existence of the Cosmoses. The Chosen Planet, its interplay of ceruleans, teal, sapphire, viridian, snow white, shimmering shores, corals that waved, beetles that were burnished by moonlight. Not in within or without the spans of Time, when the Darkness had been made and remade, had the Angels conceived on the possibility of this the Earth. The Earth and its many many names. Bumi, Mother, Gaia, Di. now pulsed and glowed and brimmed with the structures for Life made from Love and then inhabited by Love. Love made everything possible. Then, for the first time, across the impossible reaches of contemplation, a tendril of this Love touched God and a part of this being promised to look after the Earth. It would come under God's protection - just because nothing like it had ever existed. And nothing like it would ever exist again. Come, you will watch over the Earth, said ...

The card that needs no introduction Death is a knight on a white horse. It may be pure coincidence, but the last avatar of Vishnu was supposed to be a man on a white horse. He would come to end Kali Yurga, the age of suffering we live in. How did we end up in the state we are in? Where the littlest suffer, as they do in this card. It is almost as if this card foretold the horrors we see now with the Church with that Pope begging for mercy (which he won't get) and the king being trampled beneath the horse's hooves. The child is about to be trampled, while the mother looks away. She cannot bear seeing this. Behind the sun is about to rise - or perhaps it is setting - it seems like nothing can possibly be worse - but it will be worse. Having submitted, Death is now inevitable.  It is also well known that the card does not literally mean Death. It means Change. Change comes to us all and during change something dies. Something must give way. The black flag with the...

Wee Long-tailed tit - it isn't that pink - neither the bird nor the painting So the formula, I know now is, bed by 9, no iPad. Which is what I knew, but previously I was too stressed and too exhausted to carry it out. I swear now, my angels are waking me up. I got up with a start, like someone had called out. Come on, it's past 4. We're waiting. So here I am. The days are simply filled. I do have to have a short kip in the afternoon though. But apart from that, it's all working out. The only piece in the puzzle is the garden. That's not getting done. I don't know why we have to work all day. There should be job shares really. More people get to work, everyone gets more time - it is irrational this full day working now that I've tried out the part-time working. It's mental. I know that eventually I'll be doing Forest School for two hours in the afternoon and it will be hard work, but it is nowhere near the same level of responsibility in terms ...

Kristin Lee Hager - Mountains of Home The Angels cannot see that which they have made, they can only sense it. Having no eyes, this Cosmos was invisible to them - this Cosmos with its starry beauty, its sunwashed dawns, its feathery edged nebulas and groaning planets could only be guessed at and the Angels had a longing. It was a longing that became yearning and the yearning made them sacrifice a part of themselves to be able to be a part of this Cosmos - but there was a price. It was only here, on Earth, that this would happen, and so the Angels Yearned a yes and part of themselves sheared off, the way a glacier calves its calf, and fell to Love. And here, in the wonder of Love, these given parts dreamed, just as used to dream, of the real possibilities of Love. Love spoke to them and they saw - Paradise. Make Paradise, commanded Love. Entranced, seduced, captivated, they began their task, painstakingly atom upon atom, through Time, now, now they moved, through the depths o...

Half way through a Corncrake Oisin told me recently, why don't you take more time with the paintings and you can sell them for more? I was like, yeah that's a good idea. Anyway, I am getting better and more confident with the paintings... so I can take more time with them. In the past I was amazed that I produced anything at all. Now I'm like, yeah I got this. I sit down and when I get up I have a bird. I am really good at drawing birds. Who knew? Who knew this? So strange.  Food was simple yesterday. But Oisin LOVED the chicken which I fried with a wee bit of flour and some salt and pepper.  I met an ex-parent in the school and we caught up. It was really nice. She is on a different trajectory. We exchanged news about the life of teaching - she is homeschooling. I suppose it is good if you can do it yourself. I wonder if I would have ended up home schooling Ghin if the school closed... I now have the formula for bed time. Sleep at 9. NO IPAD!!!!. Get up at...

Kirstin Hager - Peace What was the Cosmos that Love made? This was the Cosmos that Love made. In another Time, Pure Power made another kind of Cosmos. In another Time, Pure Reason made another Cosmos. In another Time, Pure Pride created another Cosmos. But in ours, it was Love. Fashioned from the Dark, and the Dream and the Singing and the Light, this Cosmos was the result of Love. Unbound by the fringes of Possibility, stretching into the furthest reaches. A Cosmos that appears to have no boundary. The middle, being everywhere, so this might as well be the middle. The Earth, in this iteration, is the middle. And in the Middle of this planet, there arose, after aeons so that it seemed like no Time at all, Lemuria. Lemuria is both place and no place. It is our Dreamtime. It is the first memories of us as Humans, before we were Humans. It has been spun into our DNA, our soul's longings. The place that we had started out with. Lemuria. There the Angel song c...

A Blue Tit Yesterday... made steak pie from scratch. Well I bought the puff pastry and worried the steak pieces would be too rich for the boys. No, they loved it, especially Oisin. He ate half of the pie. Ghin had 1/3 of it. I ate one slice. I had already eaten in Ardmore. Today I'll post letters and things. I also need to hoover Ma's house. It is amazing how dusty a house can get even if no one lives in it.  So strange how things are passing. I was watching a short documentary on the Matrix and Baudrillard, and then yesterday I picked up a 5 Euro note. How strange they seemed, like a time in my life when everything was so innocent. When it was possible for there to be ideals. Possible for us to dare to dream of a better world instead of trying to make do with the broken one we have now. Piecing it together again and making compromises which you don't even realise exist. I think, they broke us - they won, they did win. But it is a Phyrric victory. In the process of...

Our geese return It has been a beautiful start to the week. Lots of bird paintings were touched up by way of cheating, I played the piano, I went for my run, cooked, did the weekly shop. The one thing I DIDN'T do was hoover the house and garden, BUT it seems the weather is going to be good all this week and I did go out to the garden today to survey the wreckage. what has to be done. The nice thing is that I know what to do. I'm not feeling overwhelmed or anything. Bright and beautiful - Bullfinch I REALLY must wake at 4 am Which means going to bed at 9 pm and NOT taking the iPad with me. If I do, I end up doing crap on it for two hours and then falling asleep at 2 pm which means that I wake up at 6 which is too late really because I LOVE getting up at 4 am, writing for two hours, having the day ahead of me, running and then moving into the wonderful day. A Little Bit Blue - Blue Tit Only Robins are left singing now on the Comber Greenway. They click and sing -...

Veil Painting - unknown artist From the vast Void came Darkness. Lost in the Darkness, from the Darkness was made the Invisible and then, the Light shone and made the Invisible possible so that now, there was Possibility Into Possibility the Angels, in awe of the Light began to sing - and they have not stopped singing ever since. It is from their singing that every scintilla, every particle, every spark, every matter and not matter and every process in between has been brought into being. It is from their voices, so fine, that the entire universe and cosmos was made. It was into their voices that God could dream. And right at the very beginning, God dreamt of all time. All time was created at that moment. The Past, Present and Future was seen in a single moment and it was this single moment that reverberates still, resonating all the time. It is that single moment which we are listening to - and we call it Eternity. When we are able to step into Eternity, to step into its ...

Flying Brent by Carl Peregrine Hey Sunday, how are ya? What a gentle lovely day yesterday was. How lucky I am to have had such a gorgeous day. Such a sweet day. A day filled with sunshine and the lingerings of the full moon. The bustle of an autumnal weekend, the scent of coffee in cafes and the clean cool air that tells the geese to return home. (I saw the geese flying, heavy in the sky, as they made their way back.) I cleaned the classroom, delighted to be able to sweep the floor just as I swept my mind. The dirt accumulated over the week of mud and grass, chalk ground beneath heels, desks which had the scatterings of the week. I have discovered, the better prepared you are, the more the class is able to respond. I felt the threads of beauty twine about as the rays of the sun shifted into the classroom and I shook out the cardigans and sweat shirts which had been lying on the floor and draped them over chairs. As I swept the piles of dust and dried grass, trapped hair, I deli...