Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

After i picked Oisin up we headed off to Camphill for lunch. Judith had invited us and there was fantastic soup on offer. Oisin had his almond milk - I had to leave lunch prematurely because a passport pix with Ghin was required. At the chemists, Oisin turned on the waterworks to get a new truck - which i said, no to. But i had just spent £12 on a transformer and i'm of the opinion that you can spoil a child. Then it was back home, just to change Ghin and spend a few minutes, before we scooted off to circus school in downtown Belfast. While Oisin somersaulted, Ghin and myself traipsed the aisles of Iceland - for my very first time - to glean what they had for a dinner with Lisa. I managed to call into Blackbox for a read of the Times with a glass of sparkling water before picking Oisin up - and then fought my way down the Ravenhill Road to Lisa's. Came home, cooked a chicken stir fry. The rice was Uncle Ben's microwave and the starters came out of cryogenics, courtesy of Ic...

The largesse of my garden - Welsh poppies - blossom all about. The ancient Nemo - the goldfish with the flouncy tail. Oisin and Jago at Crawfordsburn pose with a benchmark overlooking Belfast Lough. Flag irises wave gaily in the boggy foreground of Helen's Bay.

Summer rain is the rain of contemplation. A critical moment of respite and reverie in the frantic heat of activity. So that is why, when it rained today, i sat back in the car and welcomed it. As i pulled into the drive, i turned off the engine and listened to the drops run down the windscreen, watching Ghin as he slept his baby sleep, breathing his contented heavy baby snores. His face was bathed in a watery glow, like Lancelot's in his faery watery world, when he was a child, i imagine. He is so beautiful i thought. What a blessing to be so alive. Breakfast this morning was an unhurried, levity filled affair. Oisin and i laughing at nothing in particular. We watched little Nemo swim with some difficulty and discussed the probability of his passing. It's been almost a year he's been with us, i said to Oisin. It's probably time for him to go. He looked quite matter of factly at me and nodded wisely, as he ate his nutella and toast. We'll give him a proper send off i...

From my mantlepiece - Quietly - Encircled by Love. Cow parsley or Queen Anne's Lace adorns the altar of our lives. My very own angel Poem #657 I dwell in Possibility -- A fairer House than Prose -- More numerous of Windows -- Superior -- for Doors -- Of Chambers as the Cedars -- Impregnable of Eye -- And for an Everlasting Roof The Gambrels of the Sky -- Of Visitors -- the fairest -- For Occupation -- This -- The spreading wide my narrow Hands To gather Paradise -- Emily Dickinson Oisin, Ghin and myself took the photograph today. After an hour of posing as if we were in America's Next Top Model, the session was drawing to a close, when suddenly, there was an almighty BANG! and the gigantic standing uplighter exploded - along with all the other equipment in the room. This being Northern Ireland, we all thought - that is the photographer and myself - that the IRA had resumed it's bombing campaign. It was akin to the window falling shut several years ago in the office in Derry...

Today we attended a talk by a Steiner educationist about the way children learn - and it was so beautiful and touching - and truthful so that it made me cry. She said that the first three ages of children were thus. When children were born into this world, it was as if they had arrived at this amazing palace. In the palace there were three rooms which they had to pass. They spent approximately seven years, if they were lucky, in each room. The first room, they were in, was filled with magical gold objects and they could take these objects and put them into their pockets. It would become very small and then after seven years, they would leave the first room. The doors would then be shut and they could never return. In the second room, all the objects were silver. And the same thing would happen. Whatever they saw they could take if they chose and it would shrink and fit their pockets and then they would pass the doors of this second room and they would shut, never to return. And finally...

Peter and Oisin and filming the next episode of Dr Who. Oisin is under the table controlling the Daleks and K-9. Peter is director and DOP. We've just received a call from Eventure studios to say that we're getting a free hour of photography and a £75 voucher for a picture if we want. It will be the first time we have our family portriat done and for some reason i feel very wobbly and all teary inside. I think it's because we just rush around never really taking notice of ourselves or giving time to the sentimental. The normal. And now this is our opportunity to exist, for a moment in a family drama made by Steve Martin. It's wobbly making. Ghin now does a full roll over - on his front and then on his back again. It's funny to watch him. He goes, here we go! and then whoopsadaisy!! We're back again! Ma said that Jacq was a bit worried that Aurelia wasn't doing the baby rolly thing. The really difficult lesson i had to learn about babies is that they will do ...

Ghin is now beginning to sample food. Today he tried keema nan, which was alright, then a cookie, which he didn't like at all, a malt loaf, which he sucked on continuously, even taking out a raisin, roast lamb, laughing cow cheese - couldn't get enough of that, apple - he loved that too, and finally a banana. Oh no, i lie, finally a smoked tofu - oh he nearly ate that one all up! It's not bad going when it was only yesterday that he realised that he could waylay food on the way to my mouth and had a banana milk shake and a pizza. He sucks on it, just getting the taste. It's a great way to get children to start eating. I remember when we first fed Oisin. He was 4 months and we gave him a taste of egg yolk. Just one spoon. It was a plastic spoon and it was done with great ceremony. And then we bought carton loads of bottled food. I was planning to puree my own food, but Ghin seems to have jumped one step. And it feels far more natural and right. Ma and Pa called today an...

Oisin and Peter and playing swingball outside. It's all very giggly in the late afternoon sun that's finally decided to come out today. I don't think i'll get to the Balmoral Show this year - it's a massive agricultural show in the King's Hall - and that'll be my first time not going in five years. The RSPB will be there in full force, but there must be some upside to not working!! Last year the Health and Safety person did a risk assessment and said that everything was fine, except that maybe i should get UV proof tents. UV proof tents. Dear Steve...i don't know how he does it. I couldn't. Ghin is sleeping beside me. It's hard to say how long he'll go down for. We went to view a house today in Holywood. It was going for £375,000. Peter said, it's nearly half a million pounds. Well £500K is half a million...that said this house is supposed to be £350,000 now. It's insane considering it was bought for £117K five years ago. I think the ...

Castlewellan picnic Peter and Ghin pretend to be Daleks for the Dr Who picture (see below) Ghin smiles

Ghin asleep looks just like my dad. It's weird. He does nominally have Peter's eyes, but everything else is me. His snubby nose, his lips, and the shape of his face. However, when he's awake, he looks far more Irish than Oisin does. So perhaps in the same way Oisin is an Asian version of Peter, Ghin will be an Irish version of me. Our children...i was reading Soul Economy and Waldorf Education - a series of lectures delivered by Steiner and it was striking how at the start of the modern age, Steiner had already identified the problems we would be facing today. High Modernism, which began with industrialisation and reached it's highest expression just before WWII, and has really attained victory in our present day, was something which was still activity and creativly resisted by people then. However, we have bought into it full time now and only pockets of resistence remain. For instance, the environmentalist movement, the activist scene, now only dabbles at the edges. W...

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Jacq has finally sent updates of Aurelia. Here she is, the sweetie!!! What a day, Ghin cried and cried at the Glendraig open day. I finally had to relent and get home. And he slept for three hours, which is something of a record. I did think i felt his teeth today, but it must have been my imagination. All the same, something was really annoying him and it's been ages since he's cried so bitterly. Really too tired to continue blog. Yesterday Peter's friend Michelle came over for dinner and we finished off three bottles of wine. I was rather squiffy at the end of it. Woke at 7 this morning feeling too good to be true. At about noon the night began to tell on me and by 3 pm today i was ready to be buried. Anyway, i finally took some paracetemol. Will now lie down.

These are the photos of Ghin's first successful attempt to roll over on his tummy. We were in the grounds of the school. I had spread out under the cherry tree, which was now looking rather greener than pinker, and we had been playing with a spray of lilacs. I turned around to get something from the bag, and when i turned over, he had done the same. I quickly reached from the camera and viola! And we also attempted our first family exercise regime today. I harried everyone out of the house at 6.30 pm, for a predinner walk. It's summer after all and Stormont park is one of the loveliest as far as parks go. Of course i'd much rather be walking in a proper nature park, like Crawfordsburn, but imagine if Michael Stone could walk up to the gates of Stormont, what sort of activity they'd have if they made the place more like a jungle. We'd have training camps set up in the forest. The mile up to Stormont is lined with beech trees - i think. They're beech trees, must c...

I could be facetious, sardonic and blase, all in one go and compare the restoration of devolution to the Fall of Icarus that very clever painting by Brueghel. For people in Stormont and the media it was all very exciting. For about 99 per cent of the population, it was just another day. No one i met today talked about the restoration, except for Kelly, the co-leader of the Green Party, and you'd expect her to say something. Even Peter didn't say a word. But Breughal aside, it was pretty amazing. Paisley and McGuiness side by side, even though they weren't shaking hands - whatever - but it had taken such a long time in coming that i think most people were throughly bored when it finally happened. Which is a sinful thing to say of course. Think of all the lives which have been lost, all the people killed, maimed, wounded, destroyed. And even if you weren't cut up outside, you were certainly cut up inside. Now and then you come into contact with this very obviously. The vi...

Bathtime babies. Ghin and Oisin as they go through the morning ablutions. The red bath holder is a fab invention. It holds Ghin perfectly and he just works away!!! Waffle sales at Steiner. Oisin and Finn contribute to Judith's class fund. Was my first day at a Mothers' and Toddlers' group. It was at Holywood and that's where the picture of Ghin intently playing with said colourful stuffed thing comes from. The first thing i noticed was it was noisy. A general, mind numbing din that was made even louder by the walls of the church hall. Where there are children, there must be noise - but does the noise have to be amplified so that all talk and thought is chased into oblivion? I dream of a place which is outdoors, that children can run around safely in and parents can sit, with their tea and friends, watching. Being activists. Enjoying oursevles. The weather has broken and the relief of the rain and cold is not to be underestimated. I love the heat as much as the next pers...

Here are pixes of Ghin and the rest of the weekend...Ghin has now taken to grabbing things out of my hand and scooping them towards his mouth. The list includes, tablespoons of icecream, fudge sticks, chicken stock cubes and noodles. His most favourite places are outdoors, under trees, where he holds long and involved conversations with the trees and grasses about him. He detests being in doors, unless its under his mobile or if he's about to have a bath. The other pictures are of Keith and his new bride and Peter with Keith and Ghin. Finally surely you can't work in a video store and not know Raiders of the Lost Ark. They show it every bank holiday on TV. Well this happened at the HMV store today. I went in looking for the DVD and the bloke behind the counter pulled a blank stare when i said, Raiders of the Lost Ark. First, he couldn't spell Raiders. Then he couldn't spell Ark. Then he didn't seem to know who Harrison Ford or Steven Speilberg was. I was pretty much...

What a start to May! It's been hell trying to remember what we've done. I know that Ma reads this - and Jacq too - so i try and keep up to date. Plus it's a great aid to my own memory - inaccuracies aside...what are memories but edited versions of reality. Sure we all need stories to tell ourselves... The Steiner school celebrates its seasons in a big way - which is one of the reasons i am such a big fan. All week we have been watching Judith and the schools rehearsing around the maypole, so on Friday it was our school's turn to do our own May Day. All the little ones - up till Class 2 - go around the maypole, and as the years increase, so does the complexity. Oisin's class were decked out in their crepe paper finery, and they all looked so adorable. The pictures are of them bowing to the May Queen. As they danced about the pole. Their ribbons made intricate, fractal like designs, inscribing the air with a colourful, impermanent tracery. I thought, it was the best o...

Duke of York Thursday was one of those surreal city days which only Belfast could serve up. We all headed home, where Peter was talking to Mr Conservatory about a new extension. I had decided to take the bus to town, because of Ghin's mad crying and after some persuasion, Peter took the bus with us too. Hot - it was frying. I sat on the shady side of the bus while Oisin and Peter whittered away on the front, sunny side. We dropped off of the Donegall Sq bus exchange and walked to Lifecycles, the bicycle shop where Peter had left his bike to get stabilisers. Oisin of course wanted to cycle to circus school then. So off he went, with me trying my best to keep up. Peter set off to university - and to collect his car. Because i had not driven, i indulged in a glass of wine at Pothouse. It was after circus school that it began. Despite having my camera in my bag, i didn't take a single snap. The opening of the Festival saw three acts, including walking tables, exploding fish, Indian...

Read this really shocking article on a list i belong to. It's how the government are doing its level best to recruit from poor, dispossessed teenagers. It appeared in the New Statesman first. Oisin - my little warrior - loves all things army, but said he wouldn't want t join it. Why? Don't want to be killed mom. Simple, its so simple. They're Britain's child soldiers - 16 year olds joining the British Armed Services without being really clear (or having it explained to them) that they could find themselves in the 'six year trap'. This is when 16-18 year olds join up, change their minds after a while & decide to leave. If they don't get it together to apply to leave within a particular 6-month period then thay HAVE to serve a 6-year stretch. There's no other option, no buying themselves out, no appeals. Many go AWOL & find themselves homeless. The MoD's /Camouflage Club/ is focussing on 13-14 year olds in deprived areas & using glossy ...

Crawfordsburn. What i loved about running everyday - when i could run - in the forests of Belvoir was how no two days were the same. You'd set off and after awhile you'd be lost in the naturally drug induced state with the trees, river, vegetation, birds, etc surrounding you. It was the same with Crawfordsburn today. The picture shows the waterfall, but it does not show the fairy infested glen that leads up to it. It does not show the grand station of forest that is lit like a lantern, under which the dry leaves rustle and hiss, so that you'd believe you were in some magical painting. I brought Nathan, Oisin and Ghin there today. You'd think it would be a straightforward operation. At first it was. The walk to the waterfall was everything simple and exciting, which boys' childhoods are supposed to be. The football, the stones being chucked in the stream of the ravine, the sharp bright shadows, sampling ramsons along the way. Then at the waterfall, which was a tiny t...

More updates from our lives. There was one of Oisin and Finn, but it has Oisin mooning, oh yes, my son loves baring it all in public. One has to try to create moments which break out of the everyday, so that there are times when we look back and remember that it was different. I organised a picnic at Redburn, but by the time Peter fought the traffic and came home, it was a little too late. So we just did it in our garden. We had spent the better part of an hour there anyway, under the beech tree, with our own bluebells, mostly because Ghin has refused to staying indoors. So there we were, enjoying the tail end of this blisteringly hot day...i got a bottle of fizzy white wine, and summery type stuff like strawberries and cream, raspberries, we dipped homous, etc. Life can't be always perfect, but we can fine moments which we can try and make it so. Ghin gurgled with glee - most of the time - and of course, Oisin wanted to play his racing car game...which is what he's doing one t...