Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

(You know the one!) Well my weight loss journey took a detour due to the half term. It was ok... I did manage to shed a minuscule amount but nowhere near the previous weeks'. I think I was getting cocky. It has been a ridiculously busy holiday though. I managed to write the main corpus of the report and then three reports. I should have finished them all by this weekend. The class is mostly untroubled and the children who have joined it have completely benefited from the n tests and exams of the Steiner model. On the whole it is working. I am pleased. What about my beloved wardrobe. I am still about three weeks off I think of my wardrobe goal. So I said two months and I was right. Two months it is. I just have to grit my teeth and get on with it. Two months of 21:3 Intermittent Fasting. Once again the algorithms torture me, but I am able to ignore them. It is not so bad. It is galling to know though that they are mining my blog for information about me to sell me back to myself. I ...

Well I did it, I cleaned the entire house. I caught up with laundry AND I sorted all the fores school stuff out. The garage is tidy, the house is tidy and hoovered. Bins are sorted. I went to A Nice Sip with Ghin yesterday and I said, the last time I was in Belfast it was for the marathon. That was just over a month ago. Since then... let's see. I got financial settlement sorted and woop woop! Yes I did it! It was awesome. I have since sorted myself financially and know my budget and what I want to do with the money. It will be done when Oisin gets back. My very own financial advisor! I of course ran part of the marathon, BUT I also have lost so much weight... as you know, dear reader... and I am on course for a really healthy start to my crone years. I am delighted. I know I can control my eating (which I did yesterday as well, no food till 6 pm and then very healthy eating), I know I will be running for the rest of my life. I will always, for as long as I can help it, be fit and ...

I am finally going to start cleaning the house. And I am not stopping till 3 pm. Sure, it is hard work, but I more or less do that all day everyday. Except house cleaning is a LOT MORE dull. But I know once I begin, I'm in it. And I will emerge 4 hours later, victorious. I tried saying I would clean it everyday, but it hasn't really worked out. Now I am just gathering all the cleaning into one day. One exhausting, glorious 4 hour cleaning session. After that I WILL deep clean each area everyday, until we arrive at the end of June and I am ready to leave the house for the summer. So, here goes NOTHING...

... if you have the energy. Which often I do not. However, I MUST acknowledge what I have managed to do in the past 4 days since school broke for half term. Thursday: Staff Development Day. Did blackboard drawing - was disaster. But ok. It was ok. I would do it difference the next time. Came back, hung out with Ghin, went to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 Friday: Went for run. Went to Resource Centre to get Class Supplies. Did finances. Personal and forest school. Paid bills. Booked ferry to Liverpool. AND started tidying. Did list of things to do, clarified stuff.  Saturday: Cleaned up garage. Did Forest School n Glasswater. Returned at 6 pm. Fell asleep. Sunday: Lay on sofa and binge watched Once Upon a Time. Kept falling asleep. Had to watch some episodes 3 times because of this. I need to remind myself of the STUFF I do. I am totes amazing. Monday: Now. Shitposting on Facebook. Trying to figure out what I am doing next (about 20,000 things competing for my time). Planning to...

Yesterday was a whoops day. I need to stay on track with the 21:3 Intermittent Fast to get to where I want to be - in the next 1.5 weeks. But since I was off for the first time in weeks - yes, really, yesterday was my first time in weeks since I had nothing to do for the day, as it were, cos I still have reports, etc I just ended up crashing on the sofa binge watching Once Upon a Time. It was very interesting - if it was just the fairytales, it would have been cheesy. If it was just the contemporary take on it, it would have been a mediocre soap. But because it was an very interesting contemporary exploration of the archetypes through the lens of early 21st century American culture, it was very interesting. Also WASP culture, and very much WASP. A TV series could never be made like that today - it was SO WHITE. Like unself-awaredly so. However, coupled with that, my old eating habits returned for one day. It goes something like this: I felt peckish - not hungry mind you, cos I have not...

FOOD DELIVERY SERVICES - A TRUE STORY (probably not what you think) I know that a small, well not small, industry has grown up around food deliveries. I understand sometimes food deliveries are necessary. Like when you can't go and get it yourself because you are incapacitated. Or maybe you can't cook your own food because... I don't know why a functional adult OR EVEN YOUNG ADULT, can't cook a simple meal, even if it is boiled rice and some veg, or even RAMEN, BUT i think this food delivery culture is one of the things I think about when I think about decadence. In Talking Head's film, True Stories, there is an American woman who sits all day in her bed and gets everything delivered to her. She never leaves her house and watches TV all day. It was an extreme parody back then, it is now a not uncommon reality. It is the dark side of 'progress'. Yesterday, Ghin turned up unannounced having not told me he was calling over. It was already 8 pm and I was, as usu...

Well that was 4 incredibly productive hours - sorted finances, booked ferry to Liverpool, booked MOT for car, put dates in diaries... it was incredible really. I have discovered my spend each month and my earnings. And I am v excited about everything we are doing now. After this I am going to sort out the garage. I am now officially on a roll. Changing trousers to start doing garage. By 11 pm it should be sorted :) You know one of the nicest things about the money thing is that I managed to buy those flights and put myself through those last two years ENTIRELY ON MY OWN STEAM. I am very proud of myself!

It has been such a start to the half term. Yesterday I managed to go for a run, tidy - not clean! - the house, apart from Ghin's room - and most importantly, do the accounts! That was amazing. I can now breathe more easily and I feel so proud of myself. Ghin said to me, mom you are such an inspiration, managing to run a successful business on your own. It is true. It is a successful business. I have decided from June onwards to do the accounts everyday. It will be my evening meditation before I head to bed.  I need to do the website and FB page updates for the Goddess. I feel incredibly competent. Honestly - it is really something else... After feeling so crap for ages. So today - after planning today's session I will clear out the garage - organise it - and do laundry.  Tomorrow and Monday I will be writing reports - possibly on Tuesday as well. Then on Tuesday I must write the play. We finish off Columcille this week.  Running yesterday was the best. Also, being on my o...

The next five days is going to be downtime and busy - all at the same time... I am going to have to do clean the house, do the finances and sort the reports. And I am going off line to plan this...

Probably the one time you want to see it working is when you are losing weight - yes I know what it really means.... Had another good day yesterday. Clearly I do not want to write everything in this public blog, but yesterday was a very good day. I must get all my finances together.  I have finally licked the fly problem. All food scraps are now stored in the fridge until it is time to bin them. And the food containers are the same. As a result no flies because no smell. It's great. We are approaching the height of summer... it will soon be the solstice.I have forgotten when I have put my phone. I went out with it yesterday and it is now gone. That is REALLY annoying. Honestly, I have no idea where it is. I looked again. I was talking to Emma about the hooks that people send out. The barbed comments they make when they what to be mealy mouthed and ungenerous. When they cannot bear that you may be even considered an authority about a thing which they are good at - good in. But thank...

More of my wardrobe is opening up for me! It is difficult to put into words the sheers delight I felt when I put on this pair of trousers and it was actually loose. The weight loss has now entered the I can see it everyday - bit by bit phase. I am so glad I recorded this journey. It made it real. It is now Week 5 and a bit. I did not weigh myself because that was a fool's errand and instead just decided to go off photos. I am so glad that I did. But continuing to IF now at this rate, I will be at my target weight so that I can start running daily once more. PLUS I will be able to wear all my active wear again... which is just awesome. But so many lessons about the human body along the way. Exercising does not lead to weight loss - exercising like education is an intrinsic good. I love exercising for the sake of it. But I realise this now means I will be able to start doing other kinds of exercise. Other kinds of amazing work soon... That there is enough energy stored (...

Hard to believe... that this... only took.... four weeks!!!! Well once again I am in awe of the human body. I think I will need another 4 weeks to get where I am hoping to get - which is a dress I totally have in mind. I feel happier, more with it, more everything really - not the first week the first week - wekk two weeks in contrst to this last week was not great. I can see that now. But here I am at the age of 52 walking back all that weight. It is really something to be amazed about. In the process I discovered that If I eat one good meal a day, I have at least 4 weeks worth of survival in me. 4 weeks is huge. I suppose if the body had to, and had no food at all, I would have 3 weeks. But then add another 3 weeks - that 6 to 8 weeks worth of energy to keep me going. I could have lost more weight if I moved more when I got home to do things like, I don't know deep clean the house, or just CLEAN the house, but nah - I was most horizontal. In th...

Well, I finally tried on clothes which I had not put on since 2019. Literally. And... I still can't fit my Harapan trouser prooerly - BUT I am getting there. I said two months and two months is what I will give myself. BUT I have lost a bit more tummy and also realised that really, really, really, The fat I had, that stored fat would have done me for at least a month and a half before I keeled over and died. In the meantime though, I am fitting into clothes which I have not been able to fit into for ages. I bought this fleecy top and for the first time I am able to wear it. It is a small too! And some of my OTHER trousers are fitting. I know that by the end of these two months I will be back to 2011 / 2013.  And weirdly I did not feel hungry at all. The most difficult part really was not snacking - but once the whole you cannot eat between this time and this time was instituted that was great.  Yesterday I came home after Forest School and I had a beef patty and half a plant b...

Took this on Wednesday... the bump is even smaller now! Completely mad! I now have the formula for weight loss... I do not know how overweight I was but as you can see it was not great. I knew that if I did not do something about it, I would end up being extremely unhealthy and it would end up impacting on my health. Having the menopause also meant that I put weight on really quickly. My metabolism has slowed down and the monthly cycle of making a nest when I could rely the water and whatever calories it took to do this - that was no longer in play. So... I decided to so something about it. I decided I was not going to exercise my way out of it. Instead I was going to get to the size I wanted to be and then start exercising again. I knew that exercise had nothing to do with weight loss because of my month long stay in Harapan. I barely moved in that month. We were not allowed to leave the compound. But I had this crazy restricted meals. Y...

The throat is getting better but the cough not so much. It is a nightmare. It feels like it hasn't moved or not gotten any better. I am completely knackered. Today is Macha day. I feel excited but also nervous. The last session went so well I don't want to mess it up. It is strange trying new things really. New things... Anyway. It has been a truly depressing time. Out in the world. The war continues and I have friends who somehow have managed to lose their ability to think. Between Covid and Ukraine, the cost of living crisis and the decimation of the poorest of the poor - just the unceasing hatred for ordinary people. I really find it utterly reprehensible. Sure those of us who have developed a sense of independence, sure we are ok, but those who are just canon fodder to the class wars, the migrant debate, the mess which these assholes have made with the economy. How can you count it? Let me tell you the ways. I cannot bear the arrogance, the belief th...

Over the last few days I have been completely run down and exhausted. Between the coughing and the full moon - the sore throat which means I have to whisper very loudly - it has been a nightmare. What is freedom? I was recently reading a article about this. About 12 years ago, I was introduced to Steiner's idea of freedom. Unsurprisingly, Steiner used the human being as a metaphor for this very tricky idea. Steiner said, the best example of freedom - best concrete example of it - is when the child develops the ability to walk without falling down. Many strange and incredible calculations go into the process of movement, pulling yourself upright, waddling on two legs and finally mastering the ability to walk without falling over - for a reliable amount of time. When you are able to do this, you are able to counteract the influence of gravity, the downward force, momentum, the forces which pull us sideways, and motion. The ability to stop and start. When we walk with are in freedom -...

Back to the eating thing again. I do not stick to it religiously but it does help when I am feeling bored and wondering, maybe I could sneak a few mouthfuls of mozzarella and then go, nope, it is 9 pm. I CANNOT. The excesses of last Sunday have slowed the roll. But it is still going... I keep telling myself I am now halfway, in 2 weeks time, well 10 days time, I will be very close to the weight I had hoped I could be for a very long time. It is only 10 more days and when I get there I will be able to wear most of my wardrobe again. And then after another 2 weeks, so mid June I will be able to wear all of it. That's nothing. That's 24 days. In the grand scheme of things a month and a half of disciplined eating is nothing to get rid of the weight I have carried around now for what? Well certainly since last year. I kept all that in check by the crazy amount of walking I did round Singapore. By the time Singapore arrives I will be swimming and running everyday with my new weight w...

So of course I will mostly dedicate this blog post to my 'weight loss' journey which seems like cheating because guess what the greatest tool you could have in weight loss is not eating. When I was around 15 years old, I developed a touch of the anorexia. This was typical of girls around this age and around the late 80s. It was everywhere. I was told that it was about the control of the body - till today I still do not understand that. But I do think it was a bit linked to girls that age and having religious experiences. There is something about mortification and the teenager. Perhaps it is the canker in the flower of youth - or bud - or whatever. I am now 52 and it is back...  Truth be told, as I have also written before I was starting to lose track of what I had eaten. Through the day. The idea that I can only eat from this time to this time is helpful. 4 hours a day. Sometimes 3. And then only a slightly largish meal. Yesterday I had LOTS of veg. One pork rib. 2 after eight ...

So I am going to have to book these flights now. But over the past three weeks I have been astonished by my wight loss. Well two weeks really. That is literally the only thing I can think of. Week 1 had ben go down by a third and week two it has been half of that. But I believe that in week 4 or 5 at the very lastest I will be where I would like to be and after that a couple more weeks and i'll be back to where I used to be in 2013. Which means that the entire wardrobe I have will be open to me again. It was not special. No magic formula. Just not eating. No breakfast and not eating until 3 - then not eating after 7 pm. And when I do eat very simple, tasty but simple foods. Like salads and soups. But good tasty ones. Fruit has been pineapple or dried mango. And  have not exercised once - apart from that 8 km marathon run.  It has been crazy actually. The past few days. I have been sleeping a lot and doing lots of work. Today I am going to clear out the car and start setting up...

Yes I know that does not add up to 24, but I had some lentil crisps in school and then came home and had two chicken thighs, half a pineapple, the usual... and then after that, after 6 I stopped eating - well I had the rest of the pineapple at 8 pm - as in the rest of the half. The start of the weight loss journey is always dispiriting and the first two weeks in the worst. Not only does nothing seem to be happening, but the discipline to not eat is a bummer. However as I said this method is great because you are not thinking of the next meal - you are going, the time to eat is between this and this. If the window is time is small so much the better. And eat only the portion of one meal and the best of that one portion. As in high protein, lots of fibre, fruit, etc.  I am astonished how quickly it is now. I really only got started last Wednesday and I was doing it absent-mindedly two weeks before that... but it is now rapid. I just need to keep it up. Today is the coronation of Char...

I seem to have settled into this nice eat at 3 pm and stop at 5 pm rhythm. I think the stomach does shrink. Or at least you feel full quickly. It is a nice feeling. A good feeling. And again, weirdly I do not feel hungry. It is a mystery. I am not running at this stage, just waiting to get to my right weight and then exercising to tone myself. Yesterday I had some belly pork very crispy, half a pineapple, a bowl of crisps, dried mango and pate. I think that intake is still too high. I need to cut it down.  Oh yes, three squares of dark chocolate. But I would have eaten twice that amount previously.  I did calorie count and it was still about the same amount a single person needed. No that should be fine. I'm in the ballpark. I can literally see the weight coming off daily which is always encouraging.  I used to blog about this, then I stopped because of the stupid ads which would pop up on google and facebook. Now I just ignore them. Some of them are pure clickbait. I don...

I have now settled into a nice rhythm of fasting and eating. The fast takes place between 6 pm and 3 pm. I say 20:4 because sometimes to goes into 7 pm. Sometimes I only eat at 4 pm. It feels great though. Fasting is great because you don't think about the next meal, unlike dieting. You are either or you are not eating. And you can only eat so much when you DO eat. I do not feel hungry, It is strange. I don't feel like I am starving. It just shows you how little we need to live. After doing this for more or less three weeks, I know that the first two weeks are the turning round of the ship. The third week is when the results start to take place and then the next three to four weeks is when it all occurs. I have seen this happen many times before. I think that I will most certainly be where I would like to be by the middle of June. It feels wonderful.  I drink black coffee because it feels good to drink black coffee. I don't understand it. I also feel more alert, more awake ...

Partly inspired by Harapan and how I did not exercise there and still lost so much weight through not over eating, I have decided this is the new strategy. I know for a fact now that I can just start running - for anything up to 10 km without stopping without any training. If you have been running since you are 15 regularly there are things that happen to your body. For a start you know how to breathe. Your body goes, yeah I got this. Then you know how to pace yourself. Pacing is everything. You know how to pace yourself running with other people, up hills, down hills. Also your muscles are ready for this. Start some kind of endurance sport in your teens, late teens, and keep going through your 20s and 30s. And for the rest of your life, you will be ok. Also at the age of 50 running is therapy and toning, not weight loss. Also running does not help you lose weight. It helps you to stay tone and also to keep your mind clear. But it can be counterproductive apparently to weight loss whic...

Well, what did I do the past two days? Let me see... I did watch too much of the Last Kingdom. But I also did a leg in the marathon and I did the maypole dancing - it was just wonderful. We managed to do a successful single weaving and I now know what the secret of it is. Not just following a rhythm and going right left right left right left, but ALSO doing it slowly - not rushing ahead and not panicking. You see this especially when people do plays. They speak their lines so quickly that no one understands them. You see this when people make rash impetuous decisions. You see this when someone has to act in haste... and will repent at leisure. When you do single weaving - you have to do this slowly because everyone is doing it as well. And also looking after your own ribbon is very important. You cannot get the line to slack - the moment it slacks it catches the head of the person you have passed and you have to stop.  But anyway... I had met a friend in Camphill Cafe and she said ...

Today I was thinking about the maypole and about society and about Temasek and thinking about the elites and thinking about how delided and pathetic they were when the word homeostatsis appeared in my brain. And i knew something about what homeostasis is - hoe a living organism balances itself out - and I know something of what a perfect ecological system looks like - having been in a primary rainforest. And I know how children and people can be brainwashed into doing things against their self interest - and it struck me that... The problem with the world - well the neoliberal model is that everything has to be biggered. If you are not biggered then you are not winning. I was talking to an ex-colleague the other day and she said she thought that environmental charities had lost their way trying to also scrmable to the top of the pile - and we both agreed with not a lot to show for it. And this biggering has been the drive of human beings for some reason, since people were able to climb...