Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

God i love my hair!!!!

Oh my god, i am never having my hair white again! It is going to be all the cray cray colours of the rainbow from now on When i was MUCH younger, probably more than ten years ago, i asked if i could dye my hair blue - or pink. I was told, well you will have to peroxide your hair about five times and then your hair could take the dye. I was never going to bring peroxide near my hair, so i said, no thank you. Every now and then, i would ask to see if the tech had changed and every now and then i would be told nope. So as the years rolled on my hair got greyer and greyer. I still hennaed it, but it was not blue. I mean it made my hair look LOVELY, but not blue. So over the last two years i began growing out my hair. It really began last year - so last one year - and my hair got very very long and i stopped colouring it - so it also got really really grey. Most of the hair in the front of my head was grey and there was the badger look for a bit. Also school was sooo busy, so i n...

Ghin sketches the boats in Nendrum It has been a long week. But long in a good way. The holidays did not zoom past at all. They went mercifully slowly and i was grateful for every single one of those days i was able to recover and feel better and recognise that my eternal exhaustion during term time was entirely due to doing too much. So i don't know how this will be solved. But solved it must be because it is unsustainable. I cannot continue like this. Quite simply put, my astral and etheric bodies are completely exhausted. This has a negative impact on my physical body and the result is that the ego finds everything difficult to hold together. I need to ensure that everyone gets enough rest and respite. So i am going to have to rethink a lot of what i do and certainly how i do it. I am speaking to people about this because it just can't continue. Beauty, i now know is very important for me, as is having a clean, well ordered house. If i do not have this i become v...

Nendrum Watercolour So these have been wonderful holidays. I have resisted the temptation to go anywhere and instead just stayed home, cleaned the house, did the laundry and hung out with the boys. The best part of the staycation was just drawing with Ghin. Ghin loves drawing and will sketch anywhere. To encourage him I have also started doing the same in public. Instead of taking photographs we draw. Drawing is a great way of really looking at the world... of trying to really see things which are there. I am now MUCH less tired and pissed off. I had a star chart reading done by Linda McKeown and it was very interesting. There were LOADS of things which she said to me. But the thing i take away from it the most is that we are all born with a set of circumstances which we have chosen or not chosen into this world and they are the set of tools which we go out to the world to work with. Sometimes they are apparent and are really useful and easy - and sometimes, they are actually t...

So i began the detox yesterday. The detox begins with lots of water and tea and some juice. Unfortunately i wandered into a cafe and before long i was having some soup and a smoothie and some salad. I did resist the chips though and then last night i had some goat's cheese and a krisproll. Well. Then this morning i thought, i will start all over again and managed to eat some cinnamon rolls which i made for breakfast. Well, one. But it was one too many. So i am back on the lemon water and tea. The thing about the being an a semi fast or a juice fast is how good you feel. I feel great anyway. I never suffer as such. About 9 last night i did tell myself that it was rather foolish that i had caved into the smoothies but what the heck. It was not an awful lot compared to the shit i shovel into myself everyday. So back on the detox wagon again. So, recently i have read Joni Seager's essay The Ecology Establishment. It articulated EXACTLY the problems i found with the RSPB and o...

Today, after i cleaned the toilet and sorted the house out, i was able to then think more about myself. I think that is how it works. The house must be clean before i feel i can take myself and my health seriously. One symptom of this is finally taking my skin in hand again and looking after it after months and months of neglect. So i did get a face mask thing from TK Maxx on Saturday to jump start the process. And since then i have been using stuff i find around the house. The sweet almond oil goes on first and then i nip off some aloe vera and rub that sweet almond oil into my skin with it. The aloe vera i then rub into my face so that after that my skin has no residue left on it. This is edible so it is safe for the skin and it is really good - using first ingredients which are organic and in their no preserved primary state and finally it is very cheap. I paid £5 for the mask which has five packs in it, but after this week, i probably will not need to use it anymore. I put the oi...

For days and days and weeks i beat myself up for not doing more and now, two days into the holidays i have mastered the laundry, cleaned the house, hoovered and feel like a regular human being again. It would appear that i do not do too little. but i do too much. And i need to give myself a break. I thought i was being depressed but really it was just the period blahness. I thought i was being pessimistic and miserable, but really i was just very tired. I am allowed to be these things. Tired and exhausted and worn out because I AM!!!!! What kind of society do we live in where being tired and fed up and overwhelmed is not allowed? And it is not ok to feel weepy and that we can't cope? What is that about? And after two days of not being stretched out like taffy i am feeling much better and can now cope with the house. I really don't know what i am supposed to do about this. It can't continue forever. But i don't know what to do about it. Hmmmm.... I need to ...

I had a consultation with a friend last Wednesday. She made me realised many things about myself. She said, things which used to work for you when you were in your 20s and 30s will no longer work for you. You have to think about what works now. This is true. It is true that i am no longer motivated in the same manner. Over the past few months i have been feeling a bit lost. A bit lost because my usual way of getting myself going no longer works. To put it simply, i do not have the energy that it requires and i also do not feel as strongly as i used to feel about many things. Life is more meh, but in a good way you know. However, because i have always been this sort of intense person intensity is the only way i know of motivating myself. And when i don't feel this intensity i feel a bit fed up. It is more like putting one foot in front of another more, all the time and it feels sort of blah. But it isn't blah. It is just regular and normal. It is not about the highs anymor...

Sometimes when things have completely bottomed out, all you have is yourself and who you really are. It is a pure place to be. You look directly at your soul and go - well, this is what i am, and no one, nothing is ever going to take that from me. And then you look at the distance you have fallen, the stars are still shining up above, you dust yourself off, and you look around. You realise that actually, it is not a pit you have fallen into. There is a path. There is a path which leads out. You KNOW it leads out, and you know you can trust it because you know what, that path is who you really are. And you thank the angels for leaving that path for you, for helping you make that path all those years, all through the years, and you take a deep breath, you dust yourself off, you smile, you hear the song of your heart and then you start walking towards the music because it is always, always there. Whatever happens, it will always be there. The music of the heart. And that is how i feel r...

By the end of this week we will be halfway through the school academic year. I can't quite believe that. It is a bit mad. I have been going full tilt at school but pretty much every part of my life has come to a stand still. It is not ideal. So this weekend, i am going to get the house in order and we can take it from there. The curriculum is now getting more demanding. Thankfully there are SOME things which i have in my back pocket already. Most of them the mythological curriculum, which means that i can concentrate on other things. However, there is never enough to be doing, and of course the children are all sprouting. It is hard to believe how small they all once were. February is already turning out to be wetter than December and January combined. Every day since the start of Feb it has been raining or it has been freezing. That cold cold rain that drips down your scalp and trickles onto your face eventually. I hate that feeling. That feeling of cold rain on you. I do ...

So now in America, the following institutions are on Trump's shopping list - academics and the media. The judiciary. The civil service. ACTORS. It is interesting then watching these various people start getting very upset and going hey, this is unfair, shooting the middle classes. The comfortable and well off. What are you doing? An alliance of the superrich and the very poor against the middle classes. What is going on? Well what is? Well what has the middle class done in the past twenty years really in terms of questioning the status quo? Precisely zero. And why should they have done that? Because it keeps the wheels of democracy turning. Because their function was to keep balance, not be sucked in a seduced by money. It is interesting this kind of middle class you know. It is hey we want the same kind of life you superrich have, but we reserve the right to sneer at you and the poor white trash. We are BETTER than you because we have some kind of education, we have read a f...