Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I wonder, how much burnout is too much? I mean, how much burnout means that you don't recover from it at all? Hmmmm.... Chronic exhaustion. Who cares? I am going to be in Singapore in six weeks, I don't have to worry about all that shite. I have been in front of the laptop loads because of the UK elections. For the first time EVER, there is someone whom i can say yes! I totally agree with his policies. Well, not all of them, but mostly yes. And there is someone who has strength of character and real integrity. Who wants to serve for others, not for himself. Someone who says, actually what i have is enough, i think others should have some too. Someone who is unburdened by the worry of how he looks like, how he comes across. Just someone who is genuine. Who is a million miles from Tony Lair. Whom i hated from the start, just for the record. It is wonderful to feel myself back again. To feel rejuvenated and positive about life. I will complete doing the house today for...

Well, i think i am well and truly on the road to menopausing. It sort of began a few years ago, just the occasional missed period. Then, two years ago i had the hot flushes. Then, this year, after a spell of irregular periods, i am now back to the hot flushes, here i am sweating away for no apparent reason, and i have missed my period for May. I am not pregnant, but here we are, the start of the change. I think this goes on for a few years now. I am 46 after all. After years and years of complaining about my periods, i feel a bit sad now that they will be going away. The thing is that they never announce it do they? Like their arrival, it is mysterious, sudden. A puzzle. One day you are a child, the next, you are ready to have children. Now. one day I was fertile, now I am about to end this phase of my life. It IS something to be sad and grieve about, even if you did complain about it all the time it was here. Women who have gone through it and have come out the other side tell m...

Tis I So, here is a bit about suicide. For as long as I can remember, I was told that my grandfather, when he was very young killed himself. He was about 24. He killed himself by drinking iodine.... i was told in The Padang, in Singapore, but this was also a figment of my imagination. He died because, I was told, again, his relatives cheated him. I don't know if this is true. This is just a story I was told. He was a coward. That is what I was told. His wife, my grandmother, had three children. My dad, is elder brother, and his younger brother. My dad and his brother were fostered out. His youngest brother was put up for adoption. And was adopted by the family who ran the Hotel New World. My dad does not know who his youngest brother is.  Anyway. - years passed. My dad became the dad of dads. Because he had no dad, he was the best father in the world. My sister and I were the centre and front of everything he did. Whatever decision he made, he made it wit...

So... over the past two weeks I have been to London and back with my class. It was good. I learnt a lot about taking children on class trips and i came back completely exhausted. I need to do a thousand things, but somehow, for some unknown reason i can't seem to do them. Whenever i go and try to do something which isn't teaching or researching about things to teach or anything connected with the school i am paralysed. I lie on the bed on sit on the sofa and go, i have no energy. I mean literally, my limbs don't seem to be able to move. It is like i am on my tiniest bit of gas left in the tank. It is very odd. I have never been someone who is tired or can't recover from being tired. I have always been someone who has boundless energy - even when i was very tired, like when i had young children, i would be able to rest and get going again. I just seem pretty much worn out all the time now. I think i need to do less. I think i need to take a break and stop worrying abou...

Everyday, hundreds, if not thousands of people, die around the world needlessly - often violently. Whether it is a woman who has been beaten to death, or perhaps a baby who has no food, perhaps it is someone who died at the hands of a suicide bomber, or more than likely, at state sponsored terrorism. Why do they die? How do we allow this? When i was younger my greatest wish was to stop all this pain. I would look at a situation and go, I want to be part of the solution. I was going to be a photojournalist, an aid worker, i was going to be in an NGO, i was going to ask governments why didn't they do what they were supposed to do.... keep people safe. Of course, then i ended up in the civil service. Still, i did stuff. I worked voluntarily in AWARE and then i moved to Ireland - partly because i wanted to be part of this exciting journey which the Irish were on. But also, i had fallen in love - with Ireland, it felt like coming home... and i fell in love with Peter. I fell in love...

Ready for London!

Selfie from Seville Last night i had a super weird dream. I dreamt about my eyebrows. I dreamt that i didn't have them and that the ones which i did have were very sparse. I think i was watching the 1976's Three Musketeers and noticed how thinly plucked Raquel Welch's eyebrow's were. Then i dreamt of... eyebrows. It has been a WHOLE week since i updated this blog. During the week i have swum in Upper Lough Erne, gone camping, made food with children, attended meetings, bought two new books, tried my best to be a teacher, made pyramids, done worksheets, ridden on the bus several times, walked down to Holywood to see the sunset at the Lough after having ice cream with Ghin, grown up and up... I have also had two BBQs and laughed lots and lots and lots. Cried once. It is a crazy crazy life. Been on Facebook too much really, if truth be told. I have not uploaded my Seville photos. Hard to believe that almost one month ago i was preparing to leave for Seville...

I have decided to do a two hour fast. Just water, no food. Because i sort of need to. Then after that it will be a return to soups and finally just veg. During this fast i will be camping and then after that it will just be the usual school. I have been feeling very frumpy of late. It wasn't so bad when i came back from Seville. That was great, but the frumpiness began after i started school and started doing the Maypole. I don't feel the same energy i used to. And i feel sort of like round and flabby. I think it has to do with all the jamon i ate. Also i think that as you get older you need to work harder at looking after yourself. You need to be more conscious. Which i am not really. I just need to be more aware and it starts today, i suppose is what i am saying. I want to lose about 15 to 20 kg as well. Because i need to. I have been reading all these questions now about chemotherapy and what a racket it is. I wonder if any of my dearest and nearest got cancer would ...

I haven't written for awhile because it has been soooo busy since the start of term. I had a lovely holiday in Seville but i was completely exhausted when i returned. This was not helped by a week long rehearsing of Maypole dancing and then actual maypole dancing over the weekend. Right now it feels very much like one foot in front of the other and it is just me trying to get to the end of the term. Usually this time of the year everything speeds up. All the things which i was hoping to get through this year will not be done. Having spent the best part of last term doing Botany, I am only now getting to Ancient Egypt. So i will therefore do Ancient Greece in two parts. The myths this year and the history in the coming year. It has been very peaceful the last couple of days. Things seem to have calmed down for me and we have settled into a routine of school and home, sans car. Right i am going to go to bed now - yes super early 8,15 so that i can get up super early too.