Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I have had this blog now for more than 15 years. It has been 15 years of growing and learning. Of adventure and heartache and shame. Yesterday, they were discussing shame and guilt as part of the idea of sin. Sin is an idea - shame, guilt, love - these are not ideas. These are real emotions - like anger and hurt. Love is slightly different, because it is also an ideal. But shame and guilt are naturally there. Along with empathy it helps us to stop being socio and psychopaths. Maybe not shame and guilt per se - they are the shadow of empathy. They are what happens when we are made to feel bad for our mistakes or transgressions. If we can nourish empathy without feeding that shadow or ourselves that would be helpful. And how do we not create shame and guilt? We do that by when a child does something wrong by not shaming them or making them feel guilty. How do we not shame children? We do not make them feel bad for what they did. And we do that by not getting angry or losing our temper. W...

Well that was the day. Went for my run and then church. Cleaned classroom cooked roast chicken then watched two films - well three. Ben Stillers Along Came Polly, The Giver, a very disjointed YA film and Easy A which showcased Emma Stone in a reinterpretation of The Scarlett Letter.  And just like that the holidays ended. I always love these holidays. They are about the only things which make sense by way of rhythms anymore. Being a teacher means that I have never really left school - because the boys were in school the rhythm was always there and now that I teach I still maintain that rhythm. It's weird I think. Sorting out the classroom today was satisfying. I will be doing numeracy and I do not worry about numeracy at all with this class. I am also a better teacher so the kids have obtained good foundations. They are also quick and very able. I really feel like I've got this. I'm going to have to plan for the term now. Be good to get back.

It has been unseasonably sunny and warm these past few weeks. I am sure if I was a farmer I would want a good soaking. The grass is now dry enough to sit on - it leaves no puddles on the seats. It is time I checked the running gear. I really want to go for the run now. It will be my last run in Belvoir Park before I head out to the rest of the day. Running is the one constant in my life. I am so grateful for it. I have loved it forever. Forever. My god that dream last night was awful. I have watched some videos of the Johnny Depp trial. I read the Amber Heard op-ed piece and was shocked that Depp didn't just let it slide. At 57 he is ready for retirement. He comes from a different generation of men. It is not like that anymore and he doesn't understand it. That generation of men whose fragile egos need bolstering by the vampiric like need to feast on young flesh. In order to feel young they gloam on younger people - women, men. They have not understood what it means to age. Wha...

I have decided to keep the moss growing in between the bricks. It is so pretty. Emma knitted this jumper and gave it to me. How lucky am I? I really need to get her something nice. Went for a run with Lisa and then met with Jemma about Elements. Loads to be done today - yesterday was my last chilled out day. I love working in this room. It is warm and inviting and cosy. I sorted the files yesterday and I also went to TK Maxx to get sunglasses and got myself a birdbath stand as well. It was the right decision to move up here. I feel so much more focused. It is also great having a working phone. Under warranty now for the next however long. a fully functional working phone that I will love and care for. Right loads to do today. I'm doing a run and then Christian Community and then school set up. I cannot remember what we did before we stopped - I think we did literacy. So we are back to numeracy. It feel really good. The class is coming along great. I'm n...

My desk - back in the office Over the many years I have moved office but this set up feels not only perfect, but final. Here I have collected everything. I literally have enough to do to last several lifetimes. From organising photographs to writing and drawing, etc. Easter holidays are my favourite holidays. There is a lot of time to destress and chill. The weather is better. It isn't as annoying as the winter holidays which are cold and miserable. Have I ever been happier? Been reminded of my memory filled past... take more photos is definitely my motto. Have I been spoilt beyond belief. Absolutely. Yes, totally. I agree. I was ridiculously spoilt. And why not? Yesterday Ghin and I just chatted and laughed. It is interesting that the number of times I have called at Peter's is 1. That was because I had no idea where Ghin was. The number of times he has done that to me - innumerable.  I cannot tell you how delighted I am with my new phone. Just so pleased. More th...

New hair cut Dirty Duck Always summer In addition to getting lots of things dumped and files sorted, I also got my hair cut and we went for dinner at the Dirty Duck. There are always so many fascinating characters at the Duck. Regulars and irregulars. Out of towners. Police. Army. You name it. It is Holywood's answer to the Mos Isley canteena. Ghiin and I sat at the front of the pub. I had but did not finish a pint of cider. It was unfortunately named Outcider and was not dry enough. In my old age I am now far more demanding of the poisons I imbibe. Ghin had water. He informed me he felt perfectly ill after drinking a mouthful of the cider. The haircut has another story. I had it done - hoping for a bob. The guy gave me an asymmetrical cut and I was duly informed by Ghin that that it was a Karen cut. Perturbed and upset and said, how will I make it less Karen and he said, lose the asymmetry. So I took a pair of kitchen scissors to the cut and ev...

I could EASILY spend the next six months sorting the house out. And by sorting I mean looking at things and dumping them and then putting everything in the right place.I have moved the office up stairs and have found a work round for the computer when it needs to print things. I printed three photographs - from a past which I never had in hard copy - but now I can and it is here. Three precious photos. I dreamt of Kelvin Lim last night. I can't remember what but he was there. I also dreamt we were on the way to Singapore and I had not packed the passports. The boys started to cry and I started to try and text friends to see if they could get us the passports - we were in between flights and just when all the wheels in my head were spinning out of control, I said, hey wait a minute - this is a dream! FFS. That is one of the few times that has ever happened to me.  And thank fuck as I was getting more and more upset. I will go for my Belvoir Forest Park run after this. There is somet...

I will complete the office set up today i.e get the dining room table cleared. It is only the Forest School things which are left. Then I will wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen.  Yes, it has been a super busy day. I have umpteen letters and gifts. I must start giving them away. Today I started to throw things out. Things I had been prevaricating about yesterday, I have a zillion files to decide about as well. Slowly, just slowly. this is the work of a lifetime. It feels nice being back in the study again. A bit annoying that the two areas have been split up but the dining room was the wrong place. It only became the place because of the pandemic and I had to make it my office. Less distraction as well and it gets the morning sun which makes it bright. As with what is becoming the art room - light in the evening - unlike the dining room which got no light at all. The darkest room in the house actually. So yeah, it feels good. Right I will keep going now.

Like I said I need to buy nothing. I found a keyboard upstairs and I now have a keyboard. Sooner or later I will stumble across a mouse and it will be perfect. I think there may be a mouse somewhere around here actually. I was just trailing this. The keys are a bit sticky but I'll break them in.  Oh I posted Bart's parcel. Meanwhile here are pictures from Belvoir Park Forest this morning... it has been 20 years since I first went there. Belfast Hills

Oisin Ma Pa Jac Uz Here is family. I am ridiculously grateful to have them. My annoyance with my family and Singapore stems from the entire education system and how I was made to study too much. This obsession with grades was unbearable. And the pressure to get into a 'good school' even back then was ridiculous. Then having not only gotten the grades, made it to a 'good school' and then gotten into the elite part of that good school and then gotten the good grades to get a scholarship - several times over - you then had to go into the Admin service and then be a good citizen. It was unbearable and that I was forced to do that. Well it not have been unbearable if the entire system was not corrupt. How did I knew it was heading to corruption? How did I know that? No one else saw that. But i think it has something to do with authoritarianism Something to do with a voice that cannot be heard. Cannot speak.  If we ...

Now Facebook's ads are annoying all about writing and making it as a writer. It actually is even more demotivating is that is possible. I also don't know what to do as I have realised I literally CANNOT buy anything anymore. The house is full to bursting.  I went through many of the photos yesterday. What is time really? Why does it even exist? How did we end up counting time the day we do? In the past a sense of passing was measured by the moon, sun and where it did occur - I suppose it must have even on the Equator, the passing of the year. In Malay there is a word for seasons - it is musim. Musim hujan. Belum musim - it is not he season. We would not have had a sense of time portioned out, but time lived. And instead of seeing it as a diminishing resource, it would have been able filling the cup. Having a life which was lived - not a life that was wasted, as it were. Did everyone have to pull their weight in a society which had very little surplus? Probably. Whether ti was t...

Many many years ago, I began studying the Knowledge of the Higher Worlds I then decided that I would illustrate the key teachings from it using William Morris' prints Marrying Steiner and Morris - it was a match made in heaven And I would get to think about both! It was through this process that I began to really study the work of both I can tell you know that I do not know where I got the time to do this I LOVED doing it though... learning about anthroposophy and one of the pre-eminent persons of the Pre-Raphaelite movement I have to say that I tried looking at the writings about the Fifth Holy Night today and could not do it. Perhaps one day I will come back to it. This is my favourite drawing. Each of these flowers have their roots in a real flower. Excuse the pun. To know what we know. There is much wisdom in Steiner's work. But in the end Steiner did die ...

The Colosseum as seen from above Birger Me Breaking and entering into an ancient monument I literally have no memory of having broken in or indeed climbed the thing. What I do have is me - on top of it. Looking down on the arena. At sunrise. Having the time of my life. It has been something else today seeing all those old photographs. Barely recalling what took place. Alive and excited. Delighted.  I have sorted the place... it is slowly coming together!  So many memories. The best. My neck is so sore with all that cleaning! It feels so good to go through eveverything again.

Memory lane... or beach We had such a great time dressing up! The play we were in! On the steps of IJ Some party we had in RJ Duran Duran! Having an awesome time at Siti's house The Sullen Sisters! The things I did with my life! I have to confess that there are days when I feel and recall only the stupid things I did. I only remember the horrible things which took place. Mistakes made, opportunities, lost, errors and stupid choices. But yesterday I unearthed these photos and everything - well not everything - but somethings came back to me. And the life I did live. In between all of that awfulness, there was the carefreeness. Being in the dawn of a life. But also all the things I had learnt between then and now. An inestimable treasure trove. Today I will continue clearing up the garage then the car will be off loaded. Each room in the house now has things which must be don...

Cairn Woods Beech Trees Tie view to Scrabo Pine cones and moss Moss covered bank Belfast Lough The boyz The other boyz Yeet

Two photos taken for the Festering Network which we hope to be working with. I am thinking that maybe I need to sort out the eyebrows and the scraggy tache. And maybe do some exfoliation.  Just basic maintenence, But that should all be sorted by going for a run on a regular basis

Well, it has been several days since I checked in. Here is what I wrote for Good Friday. It is no coincidence that Good Friday falls at this time of the year in the Western Hemisphere. The return of the light and the resurrection of Christ follows an age old pagan trope and our eternal astronomical reality. There is the solar calendar with its equinoxes and solstices, but Easter follows the lunar calendar - it is the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox.  Here the divine feminine and the divine masculine intersect. It is a marriage of the polarities - if you still believe in such a thing. The wedding of Earth and her bridegroom - now it sounds so old fashioned to say this - brings forth abundance. In esoteric Christian mythology and alchemy, Christ is the Lord of the Elements. He controls and works with the classical Four elements - himself the elements of Love which syncretises the others, to create meaning, sustenance.  As part of Forest School we ...

I have visited the Glencraig site twice. It is gorgeous. Filled with woodland anemones and ferns.It is simply just one of the most beautiful places on the coast. We are very lucky to have use of it. Over the past few weeks I have begun to feel more and more hopeless. I know I said this in the previous post that I won't write about the awfulness of life right now but the people who currently run the world are insane. These are the various insanities that we have to cope with right now. 1. Shallowness and idiocy in general How wonderful - what wonderful - things human beings are capable of. And yet here we are - in this total mess. This utter crap shoot. From idiot celebrities whose names I will not mention because they will turn up on my youtube feed - which by the way when I told Ghin I was being identified as a middle aged father who was on the far right he laughed and said that's some quality AI there and anyway ads don't wo...