Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Experiments in Life #22092013: i have never been able to work from my highest self with any consistency. The thing that gets in the way of the selves is people. Yes they do. I can say im agonna do this and im agonna do that when i sit in silence writing my diary but when it comes to interactions with others i forget this. I dont even realise im forgetting it. It just kinda flies outta the window. Except today it did not. I was having a conversation with someone when i realised i was becoming a bit neurotic. I dont know how it is for other people but my neurosis goes like this... I feel antipathy towards whatever is being talked about and i shut down. I feel mean and pissed off inside and it does not show. Which makes it ok right? Of course it does not. Because it builds up like some toxic waste and one day there will be a ground water leakage thingy...this was particularly bad in Singapore. Not with friends but with random strangers. Which i think makes it even worse. Anyway, this time...

Oisin attends the Green Drinks talk on Dengue Heamorragic Fever as the Youngest. Particpant. Ever. Other people are Lianne one of my oldest pals, and Han Chong from the Nature Society of Singapore So i was thinking that my life would make a really great film. Honestly it would. It has everything. EVERYTHING. I told my sister before i left at the airport, i would really like it if i now lived the rest of my life without drama. She told me, i don't think this is possible. You are all about the drama. Actually it is not about my drama, it is about OTHER PEOPLE'S drama. Somehow people who like drama are drawn to me. I do not know why this is. That said, this holiday was very drama free. It was filled with lots of lunches with friends, chats, talks, reconnections and recognising how incredible and lucky i am, despite the drama. I did have drama visit me for a few days, but i did not rise to drama's bait. I am now about a stone heavier, as usual, and will spend the r...

The boys at Heathrow Well back after such a long time in singapore. I really enjoyed the last few days when i finally decided that i would try and see the singapore i remembered and found that it was still there. Just about. There was something a bit disturbing about what was said to me about MacRitchie. It is strange that not many Singaporeans do not know that an MRT line is going to be built across MacRitchie. This follows on from the BKE and what is happening to Bukit Brown. Now at a ramble i asked someone what will happen to MacRitchie now that we had new water and the answer was chilling. Well MacRitchie would have outlived its purpose in which case there will be nothing to stop the building over of MacRitche. EXCUSE ME?!!! I said. What are you saying, that one day there could be more MacRitchie? Well, yes. And then i thought they did that to Sentosa, of course it would be more than possible that they could do it. Singapore without MacRitchie...woweee. That is impossible for me to...

So everytime I suggested going to Changi I was told its no longer what it used to be. This turned out to be not true AT ALL. Changi is how I remembered Singapore as it used to be. It was awesome. Pipeline to airport Beautiful warm blue seas Sunsets Fishermen In my next life I want to be a fisherman. Specifically a fisherman in South East Asia. None of this Perfect Storm bullshit. No. I go out to sea, it is WARM. I come back, with some fish. I swim for the rest of the day or rest under the shade. Something like that. I am not going on a trawler and spending months and sea and all that nonsense. No I just go out and come in. Not a hero fisherman. Just your regular philosophical variety. The kid that mends nets and sleep under coconut trees. The kind that has a cat and a few friends to smoke and drink a couple of beers with. That has sinews and tattoos and who knows that this is all there is to life. That is the kind of fisherman I want to be. Estuar...

Yesterday i read for the first time on the MRT for ages. It was the book Saints and the Stories in prep for the coming school year. I have come to realise that the universe gives you EXACTLY what you need in order to learn. Or to be strong. To sometimes be reminded of my original purpose, which is to do nothing less than to follow your own truth. This often means getting into trouble with the rest of the world. But the thing is that if you follow your heart, your own truth, you will know that you cannot do anything else. I think as i get older i get to do it differently. But i have no doubt that i would never have chosen any other way, even in my darkest moments. Ok, i have some doubt sometimes... But that is why reading the book on the MRT especially was so good.  The MRT is a depressing place. It is a wonder of modern transportation and completely amazing. Clean, efficient and reliable. People complain about it being none of these but i have had no call to think otherw...

Had lunch with a couple of VERY old friends yesterday in Tanjong Pagar. It was lovely. We laughed A LOT. We talked about everything. It was one of those conversations which could have gone on FOREVER. Anyhow I was very sleepy on account of the two glass of red wine I was FORCED to drink, so I decided I would take the very slow bus home so I could sleep on it. I took the 162. It took me an hour. Not because of the traffic, in fact there was very little traffic, oddly enough, but because it was a very lor sor way home. It was like my farewell tour of Singapore. You know Shenton Way, Novena, - I admit I fell asleep for much of the ride. Finally I ended up at Sin Ming and then Bishan. At Bishan I got off and saw this... Pretty shocking right? All my life I have prided the fact that Singaporeans are a welcoming, hospitable, warm and tolerant race of people. We were made of migrant stock. Even those of us who may have been here for a very long time know that the nature of South Eas...

Prepping by the poolside Hee hee! Botanic Gardens After the madness of Gardens by the Bay and everything else...well there was Botanic Gardens on a Monday evening. That was bliss. there were relatively few people, it had just stopped raining and wow, it was filled with birdsong. Listening to birds in Singapore makes me think of being on a bus here. The language is familiar, but I have no idea what bird it is. We saw kingfishers, moorhens, swifts, and about four other unidentified species. I think I will make my way to Sungei Buloh over the next few days to catch the migration season before I leave. And some sanity as well of course. Serenity and bliss East Coast park in the rain I did have some sense of possibility restored to me when I visited the beach as well. We went cos it was raining and in the rain there was no one. At this point I am DESPERATE to find just a modicum of sanity. Sometimes I wonder if those who oppress others are clever eno...