Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Well, here is how this week is panning out. I am writing this to think. I cannot seem to think very well these days... I think brain fog, possibly... but also too much TV despite my best intentions...but here we go... Today Marathon relay which will take most of today - till around 3 pm Elements admin and Goddess workshop Monday Maypole dancing till 2 pm Organise forest school stuff Mental health seminar Tuesday School and plan forest school Get Ghin's passport Sort out electricity bill Call Kelly Wednesday School Plan Saturday forest School Thursday Plan Sunday goddess workshop Friday More elements admin Saturday Grow NI Sunday Ards goddess workshop I have enjoyed the past few weeks of taking my time. Of chilling. But as we head into the run up to summer, it will be very very busy.

So since Wednesday, well probably more like for a couple of weeks now, tops, I have been doing the intermittent fasting. This is how it has worked so far... eat at 8 pm at the latest then eat again at just after 3 pm - and not too much.  I also have meat - but not too much - and not a lot of starch. The weight plateaued and now is falling off slowly but surely. I have taken photos of myself at the start and this Wednesday I'm going to take another set of photos - every Wednesday.  But it is strange that I DO NOT FEEL HUNGRY. It is so strange. Is my body just accessing the fat now - what? I'm drinking lots of water and taking supplements. I'm also having half a pineapple a day - well a third really - for the fibre. It does feel good. I feel better.  Today I run a leg of the marathon later on. It is really not a big deal. I don't use social media to let people know what I am doing anymore. It's kinda weird really. I have been watching and rewatching the La...

Well week.  Today's the day. What will be will be. I am nervous and terrified and really not myself at all. But also excited and relieved... it will all come to an end soon. I'm going to have a coffee in town and take five before I head to the courts.  What can I say about the entire process? That I can look myself in the eye and say I did my very best - while protecting myself. I really did not want to meet and discuss things with him with untrained mediators. I did not want to because I had to protect myself.  I said to a friend yesterday that having more contact with Peter will just open you up to being exploited and that is not what I want at all. Just more opportunities to be hurt. I do not believe people who say they have a good friendship after they get divorced or leave each other. One party always hurts more. The hurt is not the same on both sides. Another party has to put up with the grinning and bearing it. Even Simone de Beauviour and h...

Bag I used last night...made by Helen Quigley Last night we attended a Troubles event. It was about the films of the Troubles and a journalist gave an eyewitness account of the event. Well, you know, I can't say what I really thought because this place is small and people are easily offended. but Liz, Emma and myself had a great debate after that and I think that really as many people said over and over again, it had gone on for too long. The people who lived through it - which would have been my age - call themselves the Conflict Generation. the generation born between the mid 60 to the early 80s - Gen X essentially - they grew into adulthood never knowing a day's peace. Violence and conflict was all they had known. A sectarian conflict undergirded by a completely useless British government and an Irish nation which were still recovering from 800 years of colonisation. Ireland was so so poor - unfathomably poor. Even though they had gained some kind of independence...

Cookies by Marta... Oisin's girlfriend's mom Back to Forest School Rooks gathering moss on the school building It was a good start to the last term. Busy, happy day in school - god love people who use the word productivity. I really wonder what passes for education sometimes. I am so glad though that I am able to work with the curriculum which we have. I feel so lucky. What would I have done if I did not become a Steiner teacher? All roads and destiny and all that. I was chatting with Ghin saying that it all felt amazing really. How lucky I was to be able to do what I do. If I never did anything for the rest of my life I am happy with my life... it seems strange as well. All those travel ideas - saying that you must spend all your time and money on travelling - after a while the currency, that currency runs out. After a while, all those places merge and it seems lovely that we did that, and I am glad that I did do that, but staying here, stay...

Yesterday, as I basked in the afterglow of Easter and everything it had brought - lots of activity and Forest School, not enough cleaning and writing or running - , I was just so grateful I had such a good relationship with da Baby. Despite everything we have been through, or perhaps because of it, we were able to have the relationship which we had. Lots of laughing and honesty, lots of making fun of each other - good naturedly - and lots of being real. Lots of it. Sometimes I don't know how Ghin takes to the being real bits of who the two of us are, but I do think he understands and knows that I mean the best for him. That I love him completely and would never do anything which would harm him. Never. That those two are placed in the middle and I would do everything to make it so that they are cared for until they are able to care for themselves. 16 is a strange age. The autonomy and the independence, that first brace of autonomy, but also the naivety. The strange weirdness of havi...

The days are the second best thing about summer - for me summer is about the evenings. The best thing about Covid was that we got to spend the summers here. And those delicious, translucent summer evenings... they are one of the best things about being alive. Today we did drumming. It was good to do that again - to reconnect with the land once more. The Quarries are really quite something... a throwback I imagine to a time where the land and people were in balance. I feel incredibly blessed really.  This morning though I read my own journals... it made me feel so relieved - that person who suffered so much. That person had gone. That I could have felt so much pain, that I could have put up with so much by way of effort, and more or less have done everything on my own... it was just amazing that I could have lived through so much. My blog tells only a third of the story. Everything, any real pain or sorrow or joy or delight was contained in my journals. And now - my good...

I have been rewatching The Sandman. I first heard of the Sandman waaaay back when - I got a copy of The Dream Hunters. It was based on every story about a spirit maiden who has a doomed love with a mortal. Normally an unattainable mortal who barely knows she is there. In the end. she saves him and he then goes on to live life after she as sacrificed her for his. Of course you could say once again this is archetype... but recently... I have been quite sick of archetype. I think I have been watching too much of TV.... The session yesterday in Forest School went sooo well. Jemma planned it and the kids just loved it. I told the story of the theft of fire by Prometheus and the children paid such close attention to the story telling. I did not censor the story - and they do appreciate that children. Now in stories when you can experience danger, it is forbidden, and in real life it is about everywhere, I have also discovered that my gas and energy bills are really quite amazing....

Yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon with Ghin - we had a snack at A Nice Sip and then we drove down the Lisburn Road. I am always back in Belfast for the first time when I do this. All the shops, all the houses, the road itself. and then, driving with Ghin... I have had to come down hard but not hard on the boy over starting to develop a discipline. Because he is here, working in the dining room I am able to keep an eye on him. I get him up at 8 or 9 and then he starts work after breakfast. Everything in the last week has been about scaffolding him as best I can. I told him yesterday that he needs to think of it as a short term pain for a long term gain. I also said, look if you don't care what results you get, we can just forget about the work we are putting in. I said, I know these things are very difficult but learning like this does develop a few things. It develops discipline, it develops your memory capacity, it means that foundational fac...

It has been DONE. The hoovering and the dusting and the taking down of the Christmas decor. In between we went to the Lock Keeper's Cottage for lunch and we had Florentines from Knotts for dessert - well Ghin did.  I wake him up everyday - it is an entire ordeal. Today we managed to get 10 am. Yesterday it was 9.30 am. He will study for two hours, take a break and then start again. He plays the piano and he gets his best studying in the day time. He cannot seem to study in the evening. He is building up his studying muscle. Having him on the same level as me here means I can keep an eye on him and he knows I keep an eye on him. I try not to interfere too much. It is the last day of the holidays.  Tomorrow back to Forest School. I must get the payments done today.

Ladybird in the garden... Me trying to convince Ghin that he looks cool as Nezha Back to mushroom head... booked trip to Patrick Mulholland... I am trying to motivate myself to do some housework. It is absolute carnage here hooverwise. I just need to do it really. Apart from that there is always stuff going down isn't there? ALWAYS.  Gardenwise - I have decided what the front yard will be - again cottage garden with beautiful butterfly attracting flowers for as long as we can sustain it, with a meadow at the centre. Which means paths that need to be maintained. Yarrow is already establishing itself in the meadow naturally no idea where it came from. Anyway. Yes this is me delaying things... I just HATE hoovering but there is no way around the mountain really.  So... 1000 - 1130: Hoovering 1130 - 1230: Gardening: clean yard in the front 1230 - 1300: Lunch 1300 - 1400: Nap 1400 - 1500: Admin - electricity, etc 1500 - 1700: Element...

  https://www.verywellmind.com/characteristics-of-self-actualized-people-2795963 I was listening to this interview on narcissism. I do not like labeling people things. I hate it. SO i have used the n-word not at all. I will say wow! that's so interesting to people who share their own horror stories with me, to say, there certainly is a type, they seem to have gone to the same school, etc etc but really, I don't like thinking about the negative. There are SOME things though which when I did listen to previous characteristics of people who are narcissists, that I think, so I was right. I was right when I said, you will only ever become better when you realise your own value. That probably hurt. I was stupid to try and have conversations to effect breakthroughs. Do not argue with these people - they will fight dirty and hard and you will always lose because you will not go to the places which they go to. I may have done it once or twice gone to that place - probably in the middle ...

The amount of energy which teaching takes out of me is evidenced by the amount of energy I feel after three days of holiday - Sunday, Monday and Tuesday - there you go. Right on time. I was talking to Ghin about PMS yesterday and how I so did not miss it. I said that PMS is real - it is like you can literally feel yourself going completely insane. I said, I wonder if men have an equivalent. For women it is our hormones that drove the madness... do men have a similar cycle - where a burst of testosterone drives them to madness at certain points of the month? It makes no sense that men do not have the same thing... perhaps it is the moon? Perhaps it is a time of the year? Does the blood get up for instance in the late summer? What? Anyway - I find it hard to believe that men do not have a cycle. They must do. It only makes sense... It's only they do not want to carry out the research on themselves because there is kudos in looking 'sane'. So today - garden while it is sunny, ...

I cannot remember a least eastery Easter even though I did a whole load of Easter egg activities with various groups of children. I mean I loved doing it, but that burst, that start which Easter usually gives me... it isn't there. Just, you know, this whole year has been like that.  I do think it has to do with the laying down of the baton and it will be three days before I feel anything again.  Whenever this happens, usually at the end of term, I feel bereft and empty. I think I am a spiritual basket case and I think that I will do nothing worthy between then and now. Then, somehow, I will get up again and I will be fine, I will be once more, ok - once more back to myself. Feeling great about life in general. It feels like I still have so much to do. Especially around myself and right now all I do is watch TV and stay on my phone. I have a garden to sort. That said, I DID sort the garage and the Forest School equipment. So that's good. What else has taken ...

Melina... Tioman Rathlin Whimbrel I am struck by how much energy I have when I am not teaching. Yesterday, apart from hoovering and laundry I sorted the house and the garage. Teaching is SUCH a tough job. I don't care what ANYONE else says, but as a teacher, you really are someone who is stretched to the limit of endurance. It is a job for marathon runners - and you feel the burn as it were inside you on a regular basis. BUT the thing about being a teacher is that you work with these kids and these kids are the future. Essentially you work with the future and really - you see how malleable they are. The responsibility is ginormous - to give and show, but not to impose. And it is vital that this happens. Not imposing... After this I am going to sort out the garage finally. It was great getting things sorted... Have i always been drawn to children? Not in a sentimental way I think... but teaching has been in my DNA. I am a third generation teacher and it seems strange but even now, I...

The cat boy Well, I did it. I cleaned the house. I did not hoover nor do laundry but I did also sort the garage. It has been very therapeutic doing that. I also realise all the gear I have. I need to do the finances. It has been a huge point of delight that we have done alright with elements. I need to square all the finances and sort that all out now. 

My real holiday begins at 1 pm tomorrow. Meanwhile I am taking this Good Friday to clean the house, garage and the car. So here is today's game plan: 11.00 am - 2.00 pm: Clean house, do laundry and hoover 2.00 - 4.00 pm: Clean garage 4.00 - 5.00 pm: Clean car I am now doing the intermittent fasting which to all the world looks to me like eating normally. Essentially, no eating for 12 hours, and then not eating in between meals. But also eating like HALF of what you would eat if you did eat. Right now it looks like this for me: the 12 hour thing I can do, no problem. It is the not eating in between... but when I have sorted out this house today everything will be much better. It is chaos in the dining room and kitchen. But the good news is that it is superficial chaos.  Well now that I have game plan, I will execute it. It is so nice to see the sun return. And because I have gotten all my nature over the past three days... well... I am soooo happy. Oh yes, I also need to...

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. It is associated with the head and the symbol of Aries is the Ram or Sheep. The theme of sacrifice pervades the religions of the ancient Middle East at this time of the year. Fixed to both the Sun and Moon, these ancient rituals acknowledge the new year through the reemergence of the light in the Northern Hemisphere, after its greatest point of diminution - the winter solstice. After this point, we breathe easier. All around us the signs of plenty begin. Spring greens are in abundance - cleavers, nettles, ramsons - eggs are laid, new animals are born. The lamb is sacrificed in the hope of the good years ahead - the first signs of plenty given to the gods to ensure a good harvest in six months time. In Christian mythology, Jesus became both the lamb, as well as the scapegoat - the one whose death took away our sins. Our failings, our mistakes. The slate is wiped. And this is the best part - after 3 days, he comes back - so all is forgiv...

It was so lovely... How ridiculously blessed am I? After Forest School yesterday - yes it is true I was in great pain because I had to haul everything everywhere - and it was tiring for four hours doing what we did, but the kids loved it so much and they played and climbed and ran and splashed. And had fun and cooked and swinged and coloured and so on and so forth... everything was gorgeous, even the weather. And I think it will hold off the rain - maybe a bit of rain, not too much. Not a lot.  So today... reach camp.  0930 - 1000: Health and safety. Get to know games.  1000 - 1030: Story of Spring activity 1030 - 1130: Groups - Hidden Creatures hunt - look for these creatures... get all the colours.  1130 - 1230: Eat and free play - Hammock/Den/Free play 1230 - 1315: Beach: Sand play/Free play 1300 - 1330: Home

I spent most of yesterday sleeping - or rather lying down - and thinking a bit about what we will do today. Crawfordsburn is very different from Helen's Bay but we will have an awesome time regardless. We will start with a walk around the place to make a map so that they can tell the others tomorrow about the treasure hunt. Each child today will become a group leader for tomorrow. We will then make a map. Then we will collect wood and make Easter eggs after lighting a fire. After that we will cook and they can do free play with dens. That should take them to lunch time. Then it will be time to quieten down to hear the story of Persephone and Demeter - and then make characters from the story using leaves and cardboard cutouts - one of Persephone, Hades OR Demeter. After that we head down to the beach where they can do sandstory with Jemma. Then we head back to camp, check in and it will be time to go home. If there is time we can do a quiz about the day and then about spring. That w...

I spent the afternoon modifying the Elements logo. The numbers for the Easter scheme are disappointing. But it's ok. We are good. We are fine. Such is life. We are working with the Fostering Network and doing other things. We will be fine. I have realised I need to lighten the load over the next three months. I am not going to say lose weight because the algorithm will start advertising weight loss stupidities which are so annoying. But i'm doing it through running and cutting down on the eating and boozing. And cheese. I have 3 months to sort it before I get to Singapore. The aim is about 2 kg per week which is a lot but completely possible because I have done it before. Peter sent me this annoying email about communicating respectfully. Bit rich coming from the man who used to abusively shout at me about leaving the toilet after 45 minutes. I simply said that I was looking out for Ghin when he so clearly has no idea about what is taking place. I literally can't be arsed w...