21.3.26 - 81 - The missing of Ireland

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Kinnegoe Bay 



To say that Kinnegoe Bay was responsible for my being in Ireland is not an exaggeration. Simply because, as soon as I went there, it felt as if I was home. It is inexplicable. It wasn't just because it was beautiful. Wildly and heartachingly so. I have been to many beautiful places, possibly even more beautiful than Kinnegoe Bay, but I had never felt as if I had 'come home'. This is where I belonged.

I have spent many hours here. Walking it. Walking to the second beach,. Walking to the third at low tide. Sitting in the freezing rock pools, serenaded by the fizzing bubbles. I walked the place with Oisin, walked it with Ghin when I was pregnant. One very early warm autumn morning, Oisin and I took off our clothes and walked naked on the sands - I was more than four months pregnant then. I have been there with my drum to ask for people to pass over safely. When Tony was passing, I saw Oisin, whom I was pregnant with for only three months, take Tony by the hand and lead him through a sunlit forest to a little cottage in the woods which were filled with people waiting for him. For Brad, I drummed for his dad, and heard the voice of a gull call. I also helped Kevin's mother pass, drumming there. It is a place of power. A place where the worlds collide, where they meet. I know that there is another place after life because I have seen it.

But I am not here to talk about Kinnegoe Bay, but to say how much I miss Ireland. It was in Ireland that I became am adult. It was mostly responsible for the person I have become. It took all that anger and resentment of being in Singapore and it just kneaded it out of me. It was a hard going thing, but it has done me a world of good. I went to Ireland because I had to. And I miss it so much now.

But maybe I had so much of Ireland it will be sufficient to last me for the rest of my life. Who knows what the next adventure will be? 

I have been sleeping loads. I slept loads yesterday, dropping off out of sheer exhausting. The adrenaline leaving me and finally being able to stand down. Not entirely though as I make sure that Ma is steadied. She slips between real positivity and profound sadness. There were no other way the cards could have been dealt, so that makes it better. 

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