14.2.26 - 70 - Day #9: What will survive of us is love

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I went running today - and yesterday - and as I was doing so, I thought that the only good thing in the world, the only thing that lasts is love. It is what we have done for each other. For others. Achievements, merit, all that shit - what matters in the end is how we treat each other and what we do for the world beyond us. That is all that matters. All the running around - and look back and my proudest moments are when I have done things which I have loved and brought joy to others. I am filled with such incredible gratitude that I have been able to live this life. That I did not choose to chase the unnecessary things in this life. That is important. To live a medium life. 

Anyway. Jac and I went toe AMK hub today and we got my phone started. Then we bought sushi for Ma, some pork knuckle and Tori-Q. We ate with Ma, and Pa was in the bedroom. He sleeps fitfully now. We check in on him and make sure he is comfortable and at peace. We tell him of the day. It is so so hard. So hard. Last night the priest came and he gave Pa the Last Rites. Pa was mostly unconscious. I help Ma's hand and his hand. We all cried. The priest told me that he was still alright and had someway to go yet.

I ask Ma now and then if we should go to the hospital, but the reply comes back that he never wants to go to hospital and that tube feeding and things like that are something he would not agree to.

Anyway, we came home and we ate in the kitchen, and later I gave Pa water and told him what we had done. He was very annoyed I had woken him up, but drank a few ml of electrolytes and glucose. I drink the rest of it - whatever he doesn't drink. I told Jac that I am now remarkably hydrated.

Everything is so so peaceful. Everything. I am glad he is here and I hope we are doing the right thing. I cannot believe how quick his decline has been. How he went from being mostly alright at the start of February to now sleeping all day and night.

Yati said that people slept because they were getting their place ready in the after life. The Indonesians have had a very long history of looking after their own. I find great comfort in hearing what Yati says as well. The priest said that Jesus had called us to his feast and Pa was being called now. We had to trust that God knew what he was doing. Well, I'll take surrender. We can surrender to destiny, whatever that might be. But also, finally all of this has confirmed that we must absolutely love whenever we can. Whatever chance that we can have. Just always, always, choose love.

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