Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

The red kites are being released today. Ghin now any kind of kite a red kite. That is the level of indoctrination he has from me. Ma and Pa have been here for a week now. I think this weekend we might be going for some medieval thing. My thighs are killing me after having cycled all of the Comber Greenway - a return trip of 14 miles. Oisin was incredible, going like the clappers on his bike - bouncing just ahed of me with his helmet and his crocs, happily peddling away into the distance of buddleigh, blazing ragwort and the scent of freshly rained earth. Cammomiles everywhere and the sunset a gliding of silver and gold pressed in a watery flatness against the cloud heavy skies. We cycled first to town and then to Comber - Oisin up for the adventure. We passed all sorts on the path. Dog walkers, grandads with grandkids, bikers, couples, friends, and the remains of several bonfires. The scorched earth creating a jagged circle wherever the ash had landed and the grass all brown and dried ...

Yesterday was one of those days which reminded me why life is good. After the steam railway, we came home a cooked a curry and had the neighbours round. After that i took off with Lisa to a concert in the Oh Yeah centre and was treated to an incredible set. We sat outside in the Duke of York and watched the evening and tattooed brigade come in. Cyclists and anarchists making rollies, the spill over from the black market, enjoying the beautiful half light.

Today we took a ride on the Railway Society's steam train - i think it's name is Ivor. For the uninitiated, all steam train engines had names and this one was called Ivro, although Ghin thinks it's Peter Sam. Cos Peter Sam looks like that. Dark green, but he has a taller funnel...mothers with sons will understand what i'm talking about. Anyways... We took a ride to the ruins of a 12th century Cistercian monastery where a man dressed in Cisterian monk garb interpreted the site to us. It seems that John de Courcey had to establish this site because of some penance he had to do regarding the sacking of another site. It was mostly French and English people, which made them very popular with the locals - not. The site itself is pretty spectacular based on the edge of Strangford - or the Quiole Pondage, or something like that - and its the epitome of peace and heaven. The kids loved playing on the walls and Ghin spent the time being thrilled about being on a train. My mom and...

I am looking for the lyrics of this song, so if any one remembers it - and i'm speaking to Jacq and Anne in particular, will you please send it to me. The bits i have are I am a tend sua nang I come from Sembawang I play my lang ting tang From morning to petang ... I met a lorry He told me to gostan I masuk dalam longkang and had a big kai tan Now most of this will be indecipherable unless you are Singaporean. But if you are, then through the magic of osmosis, you would have absorbed the Hokkien and Malay words and understood what most of this song is, irrespective of your ethnic background. However, i must say, i am not quite sure what a lang ting tang is, and Ma said last night as i was singing this to Oisin and a corpsing mother in an effort to keep her awake as she drove back from Donegal at 10 pm last night, that it is something like a ukelele. I always thought that it would be more like an er-woo, but i am willing to be corrected on this matter, not being a teng sua nang from...

Today i started work again. After two weeks of cleaning and clearing and then having the folks finally arrive, looking after the kids and enduring the 12th on the 13th and 14th, it doesn't really feel like a holiday. In previous years i used to think, why go away, after all you never feel as if you've been anywhere after about 24 hours; i was WRONG - you go away because you are away and when you are away you have been away and it feels great. Just taking that break from it all. It is wonderful having Ma and Pa over here though. However, for the first time, i do feel as if i am more an adult. Mama having passed away seems to have shifted things a little. Her having gone means that my mom is now the eldest surviving member of her immediate family and somehow, that makes things different. I'll tell you what's not different though - what's not different is them treating me as if i was still 10 years old. My father still gives me very basic advise, my mom is still concer...

It's 2 am and we have passed the first day. Lovely having Ma and Pa or Kong Kong and Mama over. Ghin and Oisin fitted right in and are enjoying their being here. I'm enjoying it. It's just bliss being able to relax and kick back and laugh again. To be free and to have people to talk to in an unconditional way. After dinner yesterday Ma and i took a walk to Stormont. It was in between the big showers we just caught up. I have really missed them and it made it clear that i was going to do this even more so when they leave. I'm hoping to have made some kind of a recovery, to put in place systems which will enable me to have a sort of normal life. I think it is conversation that i miss most of all. Conversation that people have just exchanging day to day stuff with each other. How can one person carry so much of anger in them? It's just not possible. But then, i've seen lots of impossible things here in Ireland. There were riots in North Belfast - this was quite imp...

Expecting the folks today. We went to Stormont Park yesterday and then walked to the Co-op for our dinner. We had some coupons and i thought that i could use the walk too. We had just return home when the heavens opened as i had never seen them open before. The leak i the roof started up and i really regretted not seeing to it before ma and pa arrived. Especially since i had been on leave over the last two weeks. It promises more rain today, unusually for the 12th. Or 13th, in this case. The bonfires must have had a good soaking last night. I'm sure a few gallons of petrol will sort that out. Stormont was really busy. the entire population of Belfast must have been at that park. Actually that's not true. The MACE and Co-op were open and they were really busy. People were sorting themselves out for last minute drinks and a few snacks before the bonfires got going. I did not know that we had a bonfire so near us. In walking distance in fact. These bonfires are really sights to be...

Ghin is playing in the corner of the dining room with his trains when a fly buzzes into the room and he shouts, There's a fly in my train...he'll steal Thomas. In that baby bvoice. He is sans diaper or pajama trousers and he smells of night sweat and sour milk, like all babies do. I love that smell. It's a primal, intimate smell, like the earth after rain, or the sea on a warm day. A smell which is clean and lived in at the same time. A smell which makes me his mother. And everything that means. I couldn't drag myself to Donegal yesterday, despite the general exodus which most people make at this time of the year. Basically anyone who can get out of here gets out of here. Otherwise you will be looking forward to lighting the bonfires and singing to a marching band. And getting very drunk. This morning when i woke the place was as dead as a doornail. It felt as if Ghin and i were the only people left in the world and not a soul stirred. It was eerie. But i just couldn...

It's great google, isn't it? French quote, perfectly spelt for me... I salvaged old photos of myself when i was about 3 days old and Oisin when he was about 3 years old and i was amazed how much we looked like Ghin. The same impish expressions, the same laugh, the same frown and the same sleeping faces. I also put all my old diaries up in the attic where i will probably never see them again. But i could not bear throwing them away. I can't find one diary now - one which i really hoped i would have in the diary box. It's a big puzzle. Where could it have gone? I will endeavour to look for it. Could i have been so emotional? Why was i so emotional? What horrors do my own children have in store for me? I remember one summer listening to Mozart Requiem and bursting into tears! Why did i do that? Actually i still burst into tears when i hear songs that make me cry, and i did recently think that Bach was god...so yeah, the more things change... I'm off to IKEA again, for ...

They are planning to tax cannabis in California. It's great isn't it? This is how the free worlds plan to make money. Get people to pay up for their illegal activities. Why don't we legalise gun running, pimping and slavery? We can tax that as well. It's a great idea. Yet another example of how if we use money as a barometer of how well off we are we are bound to end up being screwed. So, what have i been up to? Apart from waiting for a camera, we have started the holidays. I use the term holiday loosely. It's just like being back on maternity leave, which really wasn't a holiday, especially since i chose not to go anywhere. We did see red kites though. I took the kids to see the Red Kite officer and he helped us track the one remaining tagged red kite. It was pretty incredible. We had innumerable BBQs with the weather that has been verging on the equatorial with the heat and rain, went for a walk in Kinnegoe Bay - a nice long one with Oisin - attended the Carro...

Ah yes our beloved heatwave is now gone. Well it's still warm and muggy but no sunshine. Which means that it's gone. Oh we get used to good things so easily don't we? I have a neighbour who cannot seem to get their housealarm off. I'm calling the police. And they'll be coming out to look at it. the weird thing is that it looks like the neighbours are in. I'm supposed to be preparing for a BBQ - and the boys staying over. It's such a shame that i don't have any camera really. Tomorrow they'll be chopping up squirrels and i won't be able to take any photos of them doing this. I'm going through the local newspapers and am at time in my life when i don't understand the point of newspapers any longer beyond the total number that we appear in at the end of the month. It's been three days into my annual leave. It all feels rather surreal. I'm still going to work - or where i work - everyday for a run. I see the cars of the people who wor...