Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

It's sort of 12.30 and i'm taking a break from work. I'm working through lunch too, so, it's a bit of a busman's holiday. I'm currently organising the Feed the Bird's Day events which i'll be travelling about Northern Ireland for. It's a good chance to get out and about, get the ear to the ground and just see what's happening. Sometimes the world of conservation can get quite self-referential, that's when it's time to stop, put everything down and take a wee break. I haven't eaten very much at all today. In fact, i don't think i ate anything. Yep, pretty sure about that. Resisted the Jammy Dodgers and rummaging about the freezer looking for something. I think that once i gain control in one part of my life - re coffee, the other parts follow... that's the theory at least. I spent most of the weekend in bed, writing - and then watching lots and lots and lots of TV. It is the first time i've done this in ages and it felt awf...

I spent a good part of the day yesterday organising. It feels good to know a little bit of what we have to do now, even if we never get round to doing it. But still it is good to know/have. So now i’m planning Feed the Bird’s Day. It’s this thing where we encourage people to feed the birds in their garden over the winter. It started out as something quite trivial, but has suddenly become quite important. It appears that birds actually do rely on the food that we put out and during a terrible winter, like the one we had a year ago, it is the difference between life and death. Which brings me to last year. How could one year pass so quickly? And how can life bring me to 40? It is a scary age really. It’s the age where you realise that you are no longer young – well technically young. Things i like about being 40 though are: I know who i am – and i love the fact that i’m no longer worried about stupid things. I couldn’t list them all really. But wimmin who are 40 know what i’m talking abo...

Today i just did it. I just got myself organised. With the new computers too it has been great. I have managed to co-ordinate all the diaries, write out workplans, categorise meetings and even factor the school in. When things are organised, they don't seem to huge and overwhelming. In fact they seem kinda fun and possible. I also updated the school's website, which was deeply satisfying. I don't know why i leave these things off for so long. I made contact with all sort of people again, apologising for the chaos and just getting on with it, once again. St Michael, of course, is the saint of the season. There is something very grounding about having seasons and a year that spins. A year that has a nodes along it, a year with meaning. Meaning beyond the comsummerist reasons we are constantly being given to live. Sometimes i wonder about the other Stephanie, the one that lives in the parallel universe, possibly, locked in by Stephen Hawking's theories, who has behaved h...

I need to organise myself. There's just so much to be done now. There is work, then there's home and then there's school. Under home, that can be divided into at least five main subheadings and then school has at least four. I'm also going on the Steiner course, to add to my woes... and i'm a bit worried because i might not be the right person for this course. Steiner does say some really weird and kooky things. They sound delusional at times. Like we are all evolving towards the planet Vulcan, or that human beings were once thinner than air. And then sometimes he says really sensible things, like the spiritual must be in everything that we do - anthroposohy is about seeking the spiritual in the man and helping it to find the spiritual in the universe. You see that resonates with me. I think there is very little point in doing anything if we are not including that dimension of the spirit. Steiner, it seems, was clairvoyant - or at least had psychic powers. He could ...

Here are extra photos from the holiday. Pa sent them to me. This is the start of the climb to the top. Already Ghin is bright red and Oisin is looking uncertain. Some of the amazing carvings on the wall. I don't know what kind of material they used still! The interpertation on the place is really bad. It does beggar belief that the Indonesian government with all its wealth cannot find a competent translator into English. Here are the University of Jogja students who are extracting salt deposits from the stonework. They were using toiletpaper soaked in some blue solution. I did wonder if the cure was worse than the disease. But sure, what do i know about conservation of ancientstone work. The walls around the lower parts of the monument are supposed to give the feeling of being hemmed in, dictated by kamma, or desire. Even though these are supposed higher levels of being, in this existence, we are still motivated by desire. The paradox is that no one can 'free' oneself. To r...

Here are the potatoes we harvested. It is only a bucket, but that should last us a few weeks. To be honest i'm glad it's only a bucket, too many pototoes, otherwise!!! Ghin tries on both Transformer outfits that he was sent from Singapore. I'm wearing TWO mom!! Ta-da!!! Just can't get enough! Here he is watching TV and wearing his trousers. Dressing himself is his thing now. That's Oisin with his new buff. My beautiful boy! As usual the weekend was full of doing things. Oisin, i must say, is wonderful. He's incredibly patient and sweet to Ghin, except when he isn't - which can be quite often. I've noticed how he can slyly annoy Ghin, which is quite easy to annoy. Ghin has certain likes and dislikes. He's a bit eccentric in that way. And while Oisin takes transgression with laughter, Ghin responds to it with annoyance. You cannot tease him, and you cannot laugh at him. For instance, we were at the Zen centre when Paul asked Ghin to take a grape and of...

It's been such a week. The weather and all. We will be harvesting our potatoes this evening and Ma has asked for photos. I can't wait myself. To see how large they all are. I'm quite hopeful we'll get a good haul. It has been such a two weeks, trying to figure out the way ahead. But here we are, in the way ahead. I stand on the brink of a new day.

For Mika' 10th birthday we OD-ed on lots of synthetic substances. Like cheese strings and frubes and chocolate coins. And chocolate cake... it was held at Nendrum... Mika is clearly delighted with his treasure chest that all the kids were looking for at the Treasure Hunt. Ghin's coin pouch. Everyone had one... or even two! Especially the adults. Me, i didn't take one... i don't like chocolate... This was supposed to have more lough in it... but it's beautiful untouched, relatively, places like Nendrum that remind me why i love Northern Ireland. Not that i have to think about it too often. Jo and the kids... just messin' More messing...can you spot Ghin in the background. Try again! x Steph....

This is the day we almost got to the auld lammas fair. The tailback was so atrocious that we ended up in Ballinatoy instead. And the boys loved it. Even if we only stayed for 45 minutes. Here are the highlights... Some sand... A bit more sand... Some water ... and oh yes, sand. Digging in sand. Quite obligatory, i believe. It was lovely to see the way the boys played together. Peter and Oisin climb the 'Giant's Causeway'... At the top...

There is a community garden in HB and this is the polytunnel. With some of the most amazing tomatoes EVER! The most delicious tomatoes in the WORLD. The unripe variety. Here are the boys playing at what was the BBQ area. Take a photo of me mom jumping... Best bros. And the flowers they grew... all stunning stunning stunnning....