Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

January Live in the Now - Capricorn - Plan Mer-Goat. Saturn. Earth.  Saturn is the planet of perspective. It is the furthest of the naked eye planets and is named after the granddaddy of the Gods. The other name for Saturn is Cronus - he was the father of Zeus. In Saturn, we have the cool eyed, detached perspective of the year that has passed and the year which is to come. We reflect on what has gone before and that which is yet to occur. It is the time for planning and organisation. Of resolutions and possibilities. The Capricorn is depicted as a half goat half fish being. The ancient nature of the zodiac is found in the animals which it has chosen to honour. Our agrarian is commemorated by the inclusion of not only the Goat, but the Ram as well as the Bull. In the Goat we have a barely domesticated animal who is far more at home on the slopes of mountains, eating anything that it encounters. All of nature is depicted by the goat-like being Pan in Greek mythology. The ...

The Zodiac The story of the zodiac comes to us from many different sources. The zodiac I use is the one which is used by Western astrology/astronomy. There are Chinese, Australian Aboriginal, Indian etc zodiacs. As long as human beings have been able to look into the skies, they have found patterns to everything, and nothing made prettier and more meaningful patterns than the stars. Most of our Western zodiac originates in the Middle East - and India. Under those clear desert skies, the stars glittered like they were alive. And there were so many of them. However, the brightest, most charismatic made gigantic shapes into which stories about gods and animals could be stitched. So the stars which we have these famous names - like Aldeberan (Taurus) and Hamel (Aries) have names which originate with Middle Eastern astronomers. These names then were carried to the Greeks and eventually found its way into Medieval texts and then to us.  Of course the first thing people think about when t...

In January this year I decided to do a calendar which captured everything that was special for me in the year. The wonder of being on this planet and our capacity to behold it was the deepest mystery. That we lived here, with so many wondrous creatures, magical to behold, under a sky that held an infinitude of stars, in a universe that had seemingly been made for this Earth -  thinking of all the coincidences and possibilities to lead us here - this calendar was a celebration and a meditation of everything which I held dear. It was during the 12 Holy Nights which the idea was grown. It was that magical spell between Christmas and the New Year where everything seemed to be suspended. Time had stood still and I think I was also standing still. It is a time of deep reflection and many wishes are planted at this time of the year. Time indeed, as I soon discovered as I did this calendar, is a strange thing. The days are long but the years are short, and as I write this on the last day o...

  I think I began this like all things I began because I wanted to combine things which I liked. Here we have astronomy, astrology, natural sciences, mythology and art. I just thought why the feck not eh? Sacred geometry and numerology as well. Just put everything in. I began this in January and it proceeded in a fit and start type manner. I became stuck on Aries because I have an awful time with Ariens and then I was watching Lucifer as the new season had dropped. And I had for a long time told myself that Tom Ellis was going to be the head in Aries. So I was inspired I guess and I decided to make it landscape to fit both the heads in - Ram's and Man's. It doesn't look like Tom Ellis and it isn't supposed to - it was just something to keep me happy while I was drawing it. OK it looks a little bit like him but not really. It was supposed to be more of a man from the middle east. Which it does. I am ECSATIC about the entire thing. I am going to write an accompanying test...

  Finally sat down and did the Aries picture.  Took me ages to do this one... Aries is the constellation of the Ram. It is also rules the head. So, here I have the head of a man - because Aries is also resolutely male. It is the element of fire, which I decided to depict in light split into the colours of the spectrum. The fourth month - is depicted in the salt crystal. Salt crystals are cubes. Salt makes it appearance in many fairy tales - in tears and most famously in the story of the Cap o Rushes. Salt is what makes us human - it is the symbol of the Earth. Finally, here we have the Bighorn sheep. The egotistical nature of the Aries is redeemed by the trope of sacrifice. The sacrifice of the Ram is seen is many biblical stories, including Christ being called the Lamb of God. It is also not an accident that Easter falls in April. The traditional story of the sacrifice of the shepherd Dumuzi to the Goddess Inanna also took place at this time of the year. I really loved doing ...

I got up at 5 am. The sun had already risen. The birds were singing but not as loudly. I could not longer sleep. I had gone to bed after a half bottle of prosecco shared. I was already very silly by the half glass. I am no longer interested in drinking. It is good to know I am not alcoholic. I lay in bed for a little longer and then got up to tidy the house. Put away all the things. After that I tried to watch some Lucifer and then thought of my run. So I went for that instead - at 6.45 am. It was the first time I ran along the seashore in Holywood. It was empty. The sun laid down its warm rays and I ran in them for an hour. An hour of seeing the sun and the waters and there being barely a breeze. Nothing. Oystercatchers. Swan. Herring gulls. Possibly some kind of goose. Canada probably. All those birds which helped me through the winter as I drew now manifest in the light. As if they were woven from the light. The tide stretched out, exposing the green slippery hairy rocks and sand. A...

Finally made it to Navan Fort. The sacredness of the site was unmistakable. You would have to be a complete omadhuan to not feel it. And it was soooo beautiful when I got there. The hawthorns were blooming and we were all alone. Only the very LOUD tractor mower was cutting grass... but apart from that there was the gentle countryside and just the open skies. Ash trees planted around the mound, possibly around 50 years old, were swaying in the breeze with their gentle feathery leaves. Maybe there was ash dieback on some of them. That was sad. The scent from the flowers in the last days of May made me feel as if the entire world was singing. A skylark perfected my heart's song. I could hear the centuries running into each other, the millennia upon millennia layers and I felt the people moving around me. Cuchulain, Conchobar, Conor MacNessa, the men of Ulaid. This place was now a silent place. This place was now in disguise. The stars fanning across the skies smearing themselves as th...

This has, without doubt, been the best May ever. I don't know what it is. The beautiful weather, the gorgeous flowers, the feeling of life returning after everything that has happened.  I went running in Belvoir Park Forest today. For some unknown reason all these old men tried to chat me up. Srsly guys. Please just leave me alone. Perhaps the spring has also gotten into their bones.  The running has continued to pay off for me. I went for a 45 minute run and it felt great. Then I did 50 sit ups and after that loads of stretching. i'm going back tomorrow again. I love running.  I was watching this bit about Katie Price - is she Jordan back in the day? - she has really not aged well. If aged is the right word for it. The poor woman's weird face. And her weird teeth. She is truly a creature and creation of this age. It is not her fault that she has ended ...

Something which the lockdown taught me - that teaching children online, especially very small children is impossible. Adults have to be involved in person and online teaching is a load of rubbish. Pack up and go home. Online learning is ok for SOME teenagers - those who are good at reading and processing, but for many who don't have those skills - yet - it is bewildering. Finally, people need contact with each other or we end up being alienated. It is just crazy. What I am trying to say is that I'm never complaining about having to go into school anymore. ANYTHING is better than online learning. I've been learning Irish and I think I'm getting somewhere... Just practice all the freaking time. An hour a day. Ghin is with Peter today - I so miss him. We have very chilled times at home really. Today I need to go running when I get back from Armagh. I guess I could go now and still make it. The drop zone has continued and it is looking good. I'm really pleased with how ...

I have now lived in Ireland for 23 years. Yes, that is right. 23 years. For 23 years I have worked and birthed and lived here. That is more than I have lived in Singapore. When I arrived here 23 years ago Ireland was itself. There was barely any internet and people were simpler. I loved it because it was unpretentious. There wasn't this obsession with food and consumerism. However, let us not forget it was the Irish who made America and the Celtic Tiger was becoming a teenager... a strange beast which seemed to not have a mirror to see how ludicrous it was. Having escaped the ravages of the industrial revolution, it now seemed intent on imposing all the ills on itself in as short a space of time as possible. How swiftly people forget their origins. I watched with bemusement people who began to witter on about things that they had no clue about. Spices, coffee, bread - the pretentiousness of it all - and then Ryanair and Easyjet happened and the entire world lost its mind. I had fro...

There is a kinda relief in this tranquil corner of cyberspace. A blog, which was set up 14 years ago to help my mom and dad keep in touch with us - there was no facetime then - and for my poor mother addled brain to have an outlet to write and record things. Over the years it has served as the semi public face of me. Pictures of the boys, trips, journeys - it was fashioned at a time when blogs were almost new. I remember the years after that. There was no Instagram then - or if there was it was the new kid on the block. The hipster was all the rage then and people for some reason took photos of themselves in front of brick walls. I remember walking around the Cathedral Quarter with Ghin and seeing these bridal photoshoots posing outside Mynt. As it was known then.  Now and then I would have fewer posts. Sometimes I would empty my sorrow into them and then delete them. It was still too public. Sometimes I would go for weeks with no postings. Sometimes I'd get a posting in a couple o...

I am happy but tired.  ============================================== Monday closeth too. Well it has been a busy old time really. I have been so exhausted - too exhausted to think. The half term is almost upon us and we are getting there. The children have been absolutely mental. But there you have it, nothing else fits right now. I am so exhausted. Oh yes there was a milestone in my running and drop zoning. I fitted into t a jogging bra I had not been able to fit into for ages now. So I don't care about anything else in my life right now. My fitness levels are on the right track.  Apart from that I think I'm going to go to sleep early. It has been such a busy week.

I went running again today. Running is just pure unadulterated mainlining joyousity. I don't notice when I'm running anymore. It could be a hill or could be flat. I am just running. Today I did a very mean thing to two male joggers who were running behind me and TALKING on on of the Belvoir Hills. First Belvoir Forest Park is full of hills. The hill I refer to is the hill which leads from the side that goes from the Lock Keeper's cottage to the Belvoir Oak. It is a hillish type thing. Not the worst hill by a long shot. Anyway, these guys came up from behind me and they were talking and heavy breathing. About something. I try not to listen to what they talk about because I can't make it out anyway cos they are huffing and puffing away. The person who recommended running and talking to see you are comfortably has no idea what they are talking about I have decided. Either run or talk. We do not have two sets of lungs. So I could HEAR what they were trying to do. They were ...

Well that was Saturday. Saturday and I did some cleaning, did some Forest School, did some walking in the Forest. It was great. It is nice to be back out again. I'm sick and tired of the entire Covid thing.  ================== And now it is Sunday. Even now the moon has the ability to unsettle me. I can feel its argentine power gurgling in me like a hidden chamber lurking with mercurial lava. The last week, although I did not run I was not as tired. I felt much more settled - in time for half term to arrive and change the rhythms again. It is difficult with rhythms constantly shifting. But they are what they are. I wrote in my journal this morning I think I will never have alcohol again. Never is such a final word, but there are two things which I fear. The first is that once I get back on it it becomes habitual and then diurnal. The second - the feeling of post alcohol. That lsuggish someone put sugar in my tank feeling - masking all the other exhaustions of the day. On top of eve...

After not writing for a long time, I thought that I would write a bit about how the diet/exercise thing is going. I don't call it that anymore cos it isn't that at all. It is now just my life. I have definitely dropped again this week, not as dramatically as the previous weeks, but that's because I haven't been running everyday, although it is true that I do spend quite a lot of the day walking around and moving. So much that by the time I'm done I am done. I often fall asleep watching an episode of the X files which I now have to rewatch again. So many half watched episodes of X files. No wonder Mulder looks so bored.  Well, this week I ran on Monday and Tuesday. Then nothing till Saturday i.e. today but I did go Forest School on Wednesday and I did do lots of walking around an Thursday. On Friday I went for a site visit but nothing says I am alive like an early morning run. Especially on a beautiful morning. The other nice thing about not drinking is that I entire...

That is a lotta weeks of not writing. I'm back again. These are how the weeks went. Week 1 - Happy but tired Week 2 - Still happy but more tired Week 3 - More tired and almost incapable of moving Week 4 - Dead Week 5 - Why am I still alive Week 6 - OK, I'm fine now. Back to happy and tired but doing loads more than I was doing at week one. The big take away is - human beings are hard work. I certainly find them hard work. Life is good but also life is mental. I am so tired. There is so much to be done. Here we go this week's blackboard drawings - well one of them... the other ones were the Shiva Lingam. I always do the gods and goddesses first because it places the whole thing into context. There is none of the sniggering and laughing and embarrassment. This is life. This is who we are. This is what we do and people loved and worshiped these forces forever.  This is probably the most important lesson we can learn - to see all things with reverence. And so it is funny when p...

It has been inexplicable how I suddenly felt better today. My fitness levels are still good although I did the least amount of running in the past week since I began running again. This had to do with the crashing levels of exhaustion and today I suddenly felt great again. How and why these things happen I do not know. But I feel I can get up again tomorrow at 4 or 5 am and write and then for a run. Today I spent the best part of the afternoon at Holywood Exchange. ====================== Running interference. Gabriel and I were wondering, what is going on? My brain feels like it isn't working today... what is going on? Mine too she said. It's like I can't put thoughts together. I thought it was just me getting dementia early onset but she said no, I can't either. So i said, right there is something here then. There is. Little by little we are being plunged into the madness of this world. Little by little the crazy is now the norm. And people have just adjusted. The grea...

Well for the first time since thw past four weeks I've been feeling better. It has been exhausting and I feel like I've been dragged backwards through a hedge, but it's ok now. I'm talking about exhaustion more than anything else. But yesterday everything seemed to have subsided a bit. Talking to Lianne was great. Talking to her is nourishing in a way which it isn't with other people. I don't know if she feels the same way. We just 'get' each other. I always loved going back to Singapore and having conversations with her. I have decided not to go back this year because it is all mental. I don't understand people who still insist on flying. That is mental, really. Well, the exhaustion at least has nothing to do with drinking. Oh and my legs aren't sore any more cos I haven't been running this week. I think that my body has recovered. So I must rest for at least two days a week. Consecutively apparently. So I think I can rest on Thursday and Fr...

Well I have had the most annoying week. I am now lying in bed with the laptop exhausted and fed up and tired. Nothing in particular, but being v tired. Apparently this is called languishing. But it is worse than that. I have lost all motivation to do anything. I am so fed up and bored and I can't even get the most basic household chores done. I suppose the positive is i still have not had any booze since forever. That is great. I didn't run since Tuesday, but that's ok. I'm running tomorrow morning. My feet no longer hurt. So thats good. Ugh i can't even be bothered to do this. 

So here I am once more trying to organise again. There is so much to do that my brain has mostly clogged up and died. Running is great but I still feel so incredibly confused... I have my organising kit downstairs... i'll bring it up here and listen to music while I do this.  ..... Beautiful evening. Cool. Grey. The light and the birdsong make it. I wouldn't be anywhere else by Ireland.  Rain... I did not organise last night. Instead I fell asleep at 10 after the MOST disappointing finale to Line of Duty. I have to say I am really proud of my curated ads now. The ads are lovely to look at and not only are they non offensive they are positively inspiring. They are now advertising things I would consider buying if I didn't have so many things already in my life. I look at things now and go, well I can't buy that cos I have about twenty of them at home. I saw these bags at Fresh Garbage and said to Ghin, I have hundreds of bags at home, I can't justify buying any more ...

I am inexplicably exhausted. I had a nap round 3.30 and woke up at 4.15 even more tired and sore than I had been when I went to bed. Honestly I AM becoming an old woman. I am just going to have to resign myself to this reality. It does not matter how many hills I can run, I am now officially covered in aches and pains forever. I would say, ok, I will not exercise and I won't be covered in aches and pains. But that is also untrue. When I wasn't exercising, I was worse than ever. So exercising is the lesser of the two weevils.  Now that all the shops are open there is a third wave of covid across the world. Apparently being in lockdown or vaccination did not help. In Canada for some reason it has gone hell for leather and the same thing has happened in Singapore. There may now be another circuit breaker. People who have had the vaccine have fallen ill with the Covid as well. I am no longer paying attention to anything any more. I am just gonna do what I gotta do. Which is... I ti...

Hmmmm... I think I have slightly overdone it... I do like it but it is VERY BLUE. Maybe I will mix it in with purple and some green the next time. Go proper mermaid. What amazed me was how easy it was to do. After years and yeas of doing this it appears I have developed a knack. Most important is the applicator which is a square piece of plastic that goes on a handle... then have a glove on the applying hand that fits. Dry clean hair and then everything is set. I think blue is MUCH NICER than white. I love blue hair. I went running in Belvoir Park and hit another running milestone - I took the route to the Lagan and then ran up the Lagan Meadows hill - which is the steepest hill in the forest - I did that without stopping - it was easy peasy compared to my usual resistance training. I ran that and then ran down to the tow path, then back to the Lock Keepers up that hill and the up the hill to the carpark. That to me is the hill route. I can now run that everyday of the week with no bot...