Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I told Oisin yesterday that I was going to make the most of being here in Singapore. In fact, this was going to be my sabbatical year. To take the time to do the things I wanted to do do do do do do dooo... Of course there was looking after Ma, but also, just being able to take that break from the constant grind that I had been on for the past god knows how long. I said, you know that as a mother, when I became a mother at the age of 30, after that nothing of that time was mine. I worked full time, I looked after you guys and then there wasn't just school which was tough enough, but there was also elements. And now, I get to lay that all down for just a minute. I feel really lucky I can do this. So, what are you going to do? I'm going to do a reset. First on the list is going to be fitness. I'm going to run and swim everyday and get really fit again. My first milestone will be June 11th. That will be six weeks into running and swimmi...

AMK Hub Oisin is here! Changed Soi Thai Post Midnight Oisin arrived yesterday - so yay!! Very happy lor. I got him at the airport and we made our way back here. It's so nice but, and there's always a but - I miss Ghin as well. Poor wee Ghin, all by himself. But yay, Oisin is here. Everything is going to be fine. I woke up yesterday, and things have never been clearer. I knew what I had to do and prioritise what I needed. So I'm taking this off line to check on the next thing.

Bridge to Coney Island. That must be the Seletar River. Today we went back to SIT and we pushed Ma to Coney Island. It was lovely, but she was quite nervous. However tomorrow we are going to be on the road again. Very exciting. Anyway... Oisin is also coming tomorrow. I do feel very sad that I didn't have the time I thought I would with Ma before Oisin got here. Everything was put on hold. Well, that's that. I went for my run today. I need to do some writing off line to do some real thinking. It does feel like things are getting back to normal. Maybe I did have to take a step back and just take a breather. I will use this year to do that. To take that breather. To just think about things. I will use the next two months for that.

Stunning colours Tiger Altar - meant to warn people off. Made it to the Singapore Forest School Open Day yesterday. It was really well attended. I enjoyed it. It was also super easy to get to.  The best news though, the hand healing is going so well. Today, I felt so hopeful about the hand. I think that I will be swimming by midweek this week. 

I walked to Alkaff Lake yesterday and discovered that it was where the Sennet Estate was - which Pa said had been filled in. He said he never forgave the PAP for that. Pa loved nature. I still can't believe that he is gone.  Sometimes I feel just overwhelmed at what I have had to go through. With the boys. Honestly I just cannot even. So, Oisin will be down. Within a week. Amazing really. I'm going to try and sort something out soon.  What else? But I was talking to Ma this morning on how it was so hard getting the house ready and I had to do it all by myself, with no help from that dipshit. He is such a piece of shit really. My friends, Ghin and myself got the house ready for sale. I never went back there after I really said goodbye to it. I placed my hand on the walls and said, I do hope that you manage to look after the people who move in here. Take care of them. I then cried and said that I had been through so much. I really have been through so much.  My dear old blo...

Although several life times appear to have passed in the last two months, time also appears to have stood still. Between Pa's leaving and my moving here and the hand being utterly out of commission for a month now, it has been life altering to say the least. I have now managed to reach out to a few people and I will be meeting up with various folks. So here's the run down:- 1. Working on creating a module for UNDHR for schools with Braema. 2. Working on a story called Miriam and the Myna and learning to illustrate. 3. Working on my short story collection. 4. Drawing birds of Singapore, although I only stopped at 2 after my hand was bandjaxxed. 5. Steiner came back and wants to meet up. 6. Forest School meeting in Hill Drive. 7. Signing up for Alternative Education conference. 8. Working on HSS' Student Records admin system. 9. Walkabout 10. Admin for Singapore 11. Admin for Belfast 12. Admin for Elements 13. Work on workshop for 6 and 7 year olds to help with cr...

The Boyz Seng Kang - Pungool Trail Sungei Punggol I think - weirdly they do not name the rivers in Singapore Old Timey Bridge Well... I just posted these photos from the walkabout and a photo I pulled of Pa there. So sad. 

When I set out today, at 7.30 am, I specifically held the question in my mind, what is the spirit of the land in Singapore? A place, so utterly cut off from the initial space and place of the land, where everything is changing all the time, where everything is moving constantly, consuming constantly, it has been something which I had to think about. In Singapore, everything is by design. The spirits of the land though, they clearly agreed to the constant digging and building. It is unending, the constant digging, the drilling, the noise. In between there are oases of silence and greenery and coolness, but you really need to be at the right place and at the right time.  In Singapore there is only somewhat crowded, crowded and very crowded, although to be fair, when I went walking beneath the void decks, there was almost no one. Only cool breezes and the occasional maid and child/ old person. I don't know, what IS life really? When I think about it... I see people rushing about me an...

I find it difficult to comprehend that I have been not doing very much for 20 days now. It's worse than Covid. At least with Covid I got to stay home and do things in the house. I gardened. We had such a great harvest. I think of the Chaos person and how he had practically zero time with his new family. It is a playbook of his - to get the woman pregnant. It's a kind of weird bro flex. He is literally Ego. Ugh. Anyway. I don't know what is going on with my hand. I do know though that I am very much enjoying my long walks. Yesterday I walked to Ang Mo Kio Park West. I did not know that Ang Mo Kio used to be covered in hills and was so remote that leaflet drops were conducted by airplanes.  I am trying to stay positive about Singapore. Today I'm walking to Bishan and then to Ang Mo Kio Hub where I will buy food for today. I have enjoyed the walking. Ma seems less upset after this month. Pa has made many visits to her via the dreams method. It feels like he hasn't real...

It has been seven weeks since I've been here. It's sort of mad. Seven weeks. That's almost two months. In that two months, Pa had gotten cancer and passed away. I have given up my life in Ireland. I cleaned the house. Cut my hand. Completed by 52 short stories.  It's mad really. Anyway, it is what it is. Tomorrow, I find out if my wrist has improved. It will be 18 days since I sliced it open. Only 18 days. I wouldn't say it hurts - its more like a weird pins and needles. I was very depressed last week when I was told that my hand had not recovered as yet. But yesterday I went on an hour long walk to Punggol Park and I did feel better.

Well, I did it. I let everyone know that I'll only be returning to Ireland next year. So here is my planning my next year. After my hand is sorted. Which could take another two weeks. Who knows? If it does take another two weeks, I will be walking two hours a day. I've started walking and I'm just gonna have to keep going. Right. Time for planning and sorting now. It is done. Oisin will be here next week. I need to get those boys to talk to me about next week. I need things to be sorted. The war which is not a war but what? Were wars like this in the past? Just idiotic whims which were launched for no reason? Wars of whims.  BUT, I do need to get a grip. There have been a few developments. I've finally let go of the things which I have had to let go of. And I'm going to start planning things now. So... I need to go offline to do this. Sigh. It's been such a tough month and a half.

 

Went to the clinic today because I just had to find out how my hand was doing, making sure the sterin strips had held, which they had. They ae giving the hand another week or two. It's been a very long minute. Today, I have nothing really. Not really.

There is a pain, certainly in my thumb. Just at its base, but I can't tell if that's related to the actual cut. It's very infuriating. Just like the Trump administration and this war. The man is a total bollocks.  I have actually given up following this mess - it would appear that Trump now wants to block the straits himself. It's completely mad. Meanwhile. Anyway. Meanwhile. I did write two short stories. Well one was a short story - I was finally able to write about Ahab, though I don't mention him at all, of course, there are no names in my stories, and then I wrote a piece on Lilith, paying tribute to women who cannot be controlled. Men are so pathetic. Really they are. Clearly the most important thing to them is 'who is in charge?' and that 'I should get all the credit'. Because clearly, women still do the vast majority of the grunt work and men benefit from their labour BUT...

Finally, writing So the news was not good from the clinic - another week in bandages. So I am now moving from the denial stage to the acceptance and what the fuck am I gonna do about any of this stage? I am now looking down the barrel of a week and feeling the length and heft of it. I am utterly trapped - and I am also feeling incredibly miserable. For all the right and wrong reasons. Non sequitur - I looked up the Enneagram today thinking of my number which was 4 - and I think that this is a load of bollocks. If I had to go back to doing this again I would say I don't identify strongly with any one of these numbers, but it could also mean that I have grown since I did it. I am not one of these strongly and completely. But, I need to think of a strategy or I will go completely bonkers here. I can do I walking daily but poor Ma. I think we are going to have to move cooking once a day to our daily schedule after all. Simple dishes she can do which we can eat for the...

Well, here we go... I think I should put off all decisions regarding what I am doing until I have contemplated everything from every part. I think I have made my decision and must live with the consequences. It makes the most sense of all. I know what is important and I need to bite the bullet. I will tell the boys my decision. It will be a bit hit on my finances, such as they are, but I really have no choice about it. It will be fine. I will just trust I am doing the right thing and let that ride. And I need to get on with it now. I need to make sure that I do know what I'm doing here... And I just have to disappoint everyone I made promises to, but I have no choice about it. It was nice yesterday, we went to STI in Punggol - it's great that they have made a higher education institution for the more practically inclined students. I'm sure great things will come of it. I really quite like it. And the building they have made is absolutely ...

I am not even going to talk about the mess this entire American Presidency is about. There are people who could speak out, but stay silent. If you are silent, then you concede - you participate. Like fucking Vivian Balakrishnan. I KNEW that he was a Zionist - and then this super pukey photo of him with a kippa turns up of him with his eyes closed at the Wailing Wall. These idiots. Do they even know history? Since I did Roman history, I have understood how radical it was for someone like Christ to appear and then begin to change the dialogue through stories - well basically telling a story. That whole Zionist way of doing things is over - the last gasp, the death rattle of colonialism which idiotically America is trying to revive. I can't quite believe they threatened the Pope. It's crazy. Like actually crazy. Anyway, Jac is coming now. I can't wait till tomorrow. One more sleep... ========== Well... so here we are. Looking at a life scattered between two places....

e This morning I got up around 6.30 am and found Ma still sound asleep. She usually gets up at 5 am. I didn't try to wake her - when she dreams she has a chance of meeting Pa. So I pottered about and then suddenly I had an overwhelming sense of what would happen when she left too. It was so overwhelming that I began crying - and I texted Jac.  To think of this house without her - it was unbearable. It was bad enough without Pa - but without her. It was then I began to roll back leaving her in May to return in July. It was a stupid stupid idea. Maybe I won't come back till end August and forget about anything at all regarding this. To be honest that sits far better in my soul.  I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and start handing things over to the right people. It is just too too much. I will just have to look at everything and make a decision - be a grown up for once. I'm so tired though. But it was nice of Jac to bring us out. Ma really loved it. What we have now,...

Yellow vented bulbul nest with eggs in the garden Stitches today - looking good Chinese Rojak at the new Woodleigh Mall Well, life continues. Good news with the stitches. It has been sooooo boring but what can I do? I sleep and organise things as best I can. I miss doing stuff. I miss running and swimming. It's been a total nightmare that way. I miss taking Ma out. Having zero agency. But with any luck the stitches come out on Saturday, fingers crossed. And then perhaps I can do some gentle walking... we will see. I don't know if I can swim after the stitches come out. Probably not.  It was nice - Jac came a took us for lunch today and we went to Woodleigh Mall. It was lovely and it is a lovely mall - as far as malls go. Very mobility friendly. It received Ma's seal of approval.  In other news, Trump has tacoed again - or folded. He is really the most idiotic person on the face of the planet. Having said he would destroy the civilisation ...