Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

This full moon made me feel very sad. Not the squishy sodden sadness of pre-menopause, but an irrational idiocy. Worrying about small things, which is not like me at all, and I usually don't give a fuck. Especially about the thing which niggled and nagged at me. Because, it is ENTIRELY me. I have understood FOREVER that certain kinds of people do not like me and there is nothing I can do about it. And then there are certain people who DO like me and they love me. These are the friends which I have kept. We support and enrich each other. We are all kooky and weird and strange. And we generally don't care about what other may think or even do to us. So, I will just have to be content around that. Siuban and I met yesterday and chatted about the New Moon group. So I will have to do things around that later today. I have just realised I have no keys so I can't be in school. But today I will NOT do a blackboard drawing - I will do one over the weekend. And I will not start Main ...

There is not a lot to being happy. Not a lot. It is about paying attention. And it seems a paradox that the more you have to possess and to do, the less likely - or the more difficulty you have - of paying attention. Particularly if that attention is about yourself to yourself and to those who need you the most. What you do end up doing though is getting the attention and trying to keep the attention - and it is the wrong kind of attention - of the people to whom you should not have any attention paid to in the least. I think having community and good friends is one of the MOST important things you can do, BUT REALLY - REALLY - at the end of the day it is a question of responsibility and accountability. You need to strip everything away and say to yourself, what am I responsible for, to WHOM am I responsible to and for, what is meaningful in this world? And really, at the end of it all, what counts, what will I think of on my deathbed.  I mean we all die, we are certain of this, an...

So being at the health club for only TWO days has made such a huge difference in our lives. We all feel better - well myself and Oisin - and we encourage each other, and I have thankfully noticed that since Singapore I have not put on weight. It's great being back running and swimming and doing the sauna regularly. So that takes care of the pampering. Just going to the sauna on a regular basis is enough. That alone is worth the admission price. I prefer running outside though, but needs must. and it's going to be great for the winter as well. There is otherwise nothing to report. I am still doing up the classroom although yesterday I broke the back of it. Why reference books were put into the library I will never know. Another cool thing about the club is working in it. There is nothing to pull focus. I got my airline headphones out and started working there and got loads done. So, you know, it just seem perfect. I can do admin ,etc there. It's perfect. AND it has stopped m...

0   p What did we do yesterday apart from join and then go to the gym? Well, we... I continued with the classroom, did my accounts, did Forest School Admin and looked at Broadband speed. I am very proud of myself. The classroom will take another 5 hours I'd say and then it will be blackboard drawing and class prep. I am also super delighted that my Lesson Preps are also being used by another new teacher. It is very satisfying really. I got rid of lots of things yesterday - dumped them. This year I am DETERMINED to dump anything I haven't used in years. Just throw it out really.  I can't keep accumulating things. So today... 7 - 8: Redo daily schedule 8 - 11: Clean classroom 11 - 12: House insurance and broadband research 12 - 13: Set up files required for school on cloud. Set Ghin up. 13 - 15: Clean house 15 - 17: Gym 17 -  19: Dinner 19 - 22: School Prep It feels satisfying getting things on their feet. I think this DO...

The health club. My record with health clubs here has been patchy.I did try joining a few - David Lloyd, Esporta, Aurora. I joined them for the gym and the pool, but really I also joined them for the kids. When they were young, for years on and off we'd go there so they could run around and splash about. But these places were always cold. The gyms and the machines - well I only ever used the running one - dull and pointless, not to mention quite dirty and icky - and it was a lot of faffing about as I got the kids in and out of the pool. Of course Peter was never there. It would be ME bringing the kids and if he did come along - he never went on his own, well, he sucks the life out of a room, so really, it was actually easier to just go without him. I stopped joining them because they were more work - and we didn't really use the facilities very much, PLUS they were very expensive. Fast forward to 2023 and the boys are now complete self sufficient. They workout, bat...

It was SUCH a lovely day today. Had breakfast with Oisin and then headed into town to do the schedule with Ghin. AND... t is now Sunday. I was at the start of the blog when the boys came in and started chatting with me... Then we ended up watching the rest of the Cabinet of Curiosities. It was very strange. After that they felt very tires so they ended up sleeping. As did I. Part jetlag, part avoidance, part having had a busy day after weeks and weeks of Singapore. Singapore is a truly weird place. I don't even think about it anymore. It is just awful. I have also decided the quality of life of the very very rich people is also awful. Anything beyond what can be termed as lower or middle middle class is pointless. Having a roof over your head, food in your belly, time to be with friends and family and do meaningful thing - anything beyond that is pointless. Who cares about cars and houses and schools and all that shit. It is all pointless.  And in Singapore... I really don't kn...

Doing our best. That is all we can do. It has been great since I got the filofax and then wrote out this year's schedule. I'm still in sorting things gear and today includes things like doing finances and sorting the classroom.  Ghin seems very upset about something. I cannot get to the bottom of it. The child is a mystery. I feel so helpless. Apart from that, things seem to be moving nicely. Who knows what the future will bring? Right now people are dying in higher than ever numbers. Covid deaths have tailed off to make way for myocarditis and other heart related episodes. Strokes. Vaccine injury. Many recover but many do not. Or are still recovering. The spectre of covid or some sort of stupid made up illness rears its head again. Big Pharma is immoral and unaccountable. Governments already useless are even more useless now. It is hard to watch, hard to see. My generation of leaders has failed people. But that is because the generation just before me,...

It has been a strange summer. Stranger in its own way. Everything I assumed existed has suddenly changed - gone. Paths disappeared as we were walking on them - literally. Appointments made on Sunday were cancelled by Monday. What appeared to be in fruition was plucked, vandalised - maliciously, sometimes; sometimes with poor foresight.  Singapore finally arrived at the turning point, that of no return. The die has been cast and there is no doubt that if your existence is not precious nor dear nor lucrative, and even if it were those things, you are then surplus to requirements, even if you are not really in surplus. Like forests, like clean air, like wildlife. All gone. The Joker, or kidding yourself cards, are being handed out thick and fast. Does my heartache? - of course it does. I now turn away. I look away. Nothing can be redeemed, so why bother? The fight is for those who are better than I. Now my priorities must be to look after what must be needed - what I can look after. S...