22.3.26 - 84 - Tidy up

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The cleaning up continues. I sorted the bathroom and continued to shred documents. It feels good, doing something useful. I work with Ma, making sure she's alright.

I also managed to get running today and thought I'd go for a swim but I think I'll do that tomorrow.

Yati has been feeding us. I bought pomelo and jackfruit. I can't believe that Pa isn't here anymore. It sort of feels like a joke that has gone on for too long now. I feel like I want him to come back, like where has he gone to? Why is he taking so long to return? But he's not coming back, sure he isn't.

I still feel him with me all the time though. 

I found so many things. So many things. We collected all the medication which is still in date and will send them to Assisi hospice. I binned a whole bag of stuff from the toilet. It was going down memory lane, once again. Toothbrushes collected over lifetimes of visiting hotels, flights - combs, boxes of hair dye - his Brylcream, ornaments, medication... just years and year of accumulation.

I tidied the clothes, folded stuff, washed and cleaned - even put WD40 on the rollers so that the mirror would slide more smoothly. It seems so strange. 40 years have passed and yet no time has gone by at all. There is no such thing as time, it is an illusion. It is real, but also not as you think it is. We have been indoctrinated to think of it as linear, but it is not linear - it is a trick, a sleight of hand.

I am glad we stayed here - in this place and time moved instead. We didn't have to go back somewhere, instead it happened to us as we grew up here.

There are too many happy times, too many happy ones. This is the essence of a life well lived. And it was well worth it.

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