Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I am waiting for the doctor to call now. It has been the longest week of my long life.  I am torn in two and there is no right answer. Sometimes we cannot do it all. Sometimes, it is what it is. Thoughts are tumbling at a million million million... and all accompanied by tears. I have not written in anything till now. Till now - everything has been suspended. Thirteen years ago, my life came to an end as well. Exactly around now. Exactly around now... thirteen years ago. It feels like I have aged ten years in the last ten days. It does not matter how much you prepare and know and believe, in the end, it is what is real.  Jac said, Maybe we are too close as a family.  Maybe if we loved each other less. No, loving things less does not make things harder. The vacancy is just larger. To have plenty so that we can continue until we need to stop.

Is there any point to being alive beyond a certain age? Asking for a friend. In the not so distant past, people wanted to live to a ripe old age so they could retire and then spend their 'golden years' doing retirement type things. Like gardening, going on cruises, looking after grandkids. Seniors in Singapore would be cared for by family and in turn do light childcare duties. In a way, my parents did this. They helped look after their grandkids, which often involved ferrying them between tuition and extra curricular activity classes, or after school care - which they did for me as well in Ireland - and travelling.  They are now both in their 80s. On the other hand, I who am in my mid-50s wonders what the fuck its all about? I am happy enough and when I stop to think about it, I am living my best life with a worklife balance which I have fought hard for, but intrinsically, what is the actual point of life?  As yet another Chinese New Year arises, as we take the slingshot aroun...

I got up at 4.30 am today and just caught up on my blogging. Then I watched Boy and the Heron  which I still don't understand, and dozed... maybe if I didn't doze whenever I watched it, that would be good. Then I came back here to plan the rest of the week.  At 11.45 am I am going to clean the house for a couple of hours, followed by a couple of hours of forest school and then I'm going to organise the week. There are two Robins which keep coming here. They are adorable. I assume they are a pair. I also cooked some sausages which were going off and gave them to the birds after chopping them up into small pieces and that also seemed the be a great hit.  It looks dry for the rest of the week. I think I'm going to do trees for the next ML. The garden is filled with birds eating at the feeders. Birds fly in and out. They use the overgrown hedges to lurk and strike. I think feeding birds is the nicest and easiest thing anyone can do which does some good.  I ha...

The American Bar - here we have the scarf of the Jacksonville Jaguars which until this picture was taken I was sure was a fictional team. Turns out it is not a fictional team made up for The Good Place. Yer Man What can I say about Jonathan? Over the years we have known each other we have been amazing friends. We have started a business which is still going together, we have laughed at many jokes - well, me mostly at his - and we have been in the trenches with divorce and difficult spouses. It has been a fucking trip. On Wednesday evening, Oisin accompanied me to hang with him as he wanted to grill him on AI, and we both came away saying how fun it was and we should go for stand up at some stage - the three of us. It's v cool when your kid thinks your friends are also cool. Once again, we laughed A LOT. The American Bar was busy-ish. It was alright. But it was also so fun. We didn't catch up so much as just exchanged the news and swapped stor...

Six years of Forest School, Six years of First Aid Kits Taken by Oisín the tarp can be seen On Sunday, a dry day, I took out the equipment and sorted it. It took me the best part of two hours, possibly more. I will do the same today after 12 pm. When there is less chance of raining. But after doing that, it is always good to do that, I had everything organised.  We did three very wet days with the Fostering Network and luckily, we had the tarps which let us have the cover. On the last day, we didn't walk because it was so wet, but we did do stuff with knives. It has been so rewarding working with the children and I know we made a massive difference for so many of them. They laughed and were free and didn't have to 'learn' things. It is a weird thing really, that Forest School leaders are saying that children are being anxious and not co-operating. What does that mean? Are they actually trying to 'teach' children? After having done Forest ...

Inside this place, there were two massive stone bowls. They could have represented ovaries or testes - perhaps both. However, CERTAINLY, the passage itself, and I watched this very large man squeeze himself out of it, represented the cervix or birth canal. The light, impregnating the mystery of the darkness, would suggest that the two round bowl were more likely to be ovaries and that human remains were found on them could also suggest that they knew that these organs - the gonads - where were human life originated.  The famous triskillen on the front kerbstone of the entrance of the monument. There is another one on the right inside. One side is heavily decorated and the other side is relatively plain. Apparently that is the way with all passage tombs. I did buy four things at the gift shop paying over the odds for them - I didn't mind. Two T-shirts of Boann, a children's book about the place and a book on Brehon Law. I realised that Brehon comes from t...

Over the past week, we have been inflicted with the idiocy of the grossly wealthy and feckless in the shape of the E-files. I don't want to talk about the extended and dangerous boyhood of these seemingly adult men which appear to have been an a life long bender of being teenagers. However, it is pathetic that whoever was advising them about ritual appears to have them stuck in the age of the Bull. In my understanding of mythology, there are different ages in which we pass through - this has been immortalised in the constellations. The age of the Ram, then the Bull, then the Lion and then we have the human being. There are other animals which we also pay tribute to - like the Serpent, the Eagle and the Fish. All of these also immortalised in stories of the flood, and myths - from all over the world. These men decided that they would create rituals around the Bull - or the Cow. This was where humanity was around the Bronze, heading into the Iron age. In Ireland we have loads of bull...

Sunshine finally.  Is the problem really that these people have no taste? They literally have no taste. Everything about their aesthetic is just so awful. Everything you see - nothing is enviable about the life they lead - unless you are devoid of taste. People confuse taste with expense. If you spend lots of money on it, then it must be nice. No. No. Nothing is further from the truth. The simplest things are the most beautiful - like sunrises, the sound of the rain falling on a roof, the grace and danger found in fire. The ocean's mesmeric lapping. Perhaps that is the secret of Ancient Greece. Or the ancient world. The dawn of our ability to perceive beauty then captured for a brief moment in an Egyptian frieze, a Persian wall, a Greek statue - that moment in time. After that - we only have glimpses. I listened to this ridiculous story about a bull's head mask - made of rubber, of course. How uneducated and crude these people are. Naked people doing 'rituals' - or thin...

It has been one week since I was ill and I began eating and living sensibly. I feel great. I've slept well, although I am having very odd dreams. I don't charge my phone fully so that it dies in the evening. I am rereading The Crying of Lot 49  which I have discovered was written in 1966 and Pynchon was in the Navy - which explains how he knows about naval history and life on boats so well. Strangely, last night I dreamt I was sailing a boat from somewhere to South Africa. It was most odd. We kept on trying to get started and I kept on saying I needed proper shoes. I haven't drunk for a week, which is saying something as since around Halloween I have been having mid weeks drinks. It feels great. I'm also not eating in the middle of the night - no more midnight snacks - and this holiday I'm going to start running again - and keep running.  I've just boiled up a rosemary tisane and I'll mix it with lemon juice and use it as a rinse this morning instead of sham...

Dear all, been ages posting, but it has been busy. Brigid has been in the news a lot lately... as usual, now that she's come out from the underground, there have been loads of opinions, as usual, arguing about what Brigid was/ is. Was she a goddess? Was she a saint? Is it pagan? New Age? What even is Imbolc, like no Irish person ever used this word...  But I think that there is little point arguing about these incarnations of Brigid over the ages.  Spring is recognised the world over in various spring festivals. It is the relief that the dark days are over and winter is over. If you have survived it, congratulations. We aren't QUITE out of the fog yet, but we are pretty close.  Around this time of the year the Chinese celebrate the Spring Festival or Chinese New Year, the Hindus have Thaipusaam, the vanquishing of a demon with the help of the goddess, and here, we celebrate it with Brigid's Day. The saint Brigid appears in the 5th century, around the same time Patrick app...

I haven't started running as yet, but I have begun my diet. Well, when I say diet, I mean paying attention to what I'm eating. Since my feeling ill I have begun doing stuff which is all about nourishing my body. I have been on autopilot for too long.  I have been masking my hair and face instead of using shampoo and soap. This has had some amazing effects. My hair has calmed down and it has responded perfectly to the solution I've used. So I use the same things for both. Sweet Almond Oil Egg - yolk or whole egg is fine Half a squeeze of lemon Honey I mix it all and I massage it into the scalp and hair. Then I put some yoghurt in what's left and slap it on my face. I leave it for 15 to 20 minutes. Sometimes longer. Rinse with warm water. The first time I put just lemon juice through my hair after I washed it. I have done this two days in a row.  Then I massage my face with the oil alone intermittently. It was fine when I was watching a film - this meant three or four mas...

Today's soup It has been such a weird few weeks. Nothing is the same any more. Nothing. Not after Covid. Before Covid, yes, life was a bit stupid, but at least we were getting somewhere, after Covid - all this organised chaos. BUT it doesn't matter because remember - Good Thoughts, Good Words and Good Actions. That is what we were brought by Zarathustra and really - REALLY - that is all we need to know. All. If ever confused, break glass and see - Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Actions. Everything else is irrelevant. Often the people who are in power try to confuse you. Do not be confused. Life is simple.  It is simple. It is easy. I know what to do. It is a great feeling that. knowing what needs done. And having the capacity to do it. It's brilliant. So, I am feeling better. I was right to take an extra day.  I have been eating well. Yesterday I did want to go and get a steak and have some wine, but I resisted. I did make myself some scrambled eggs though and today, I did...

Indra - with this thunderbolt and protection Yesterday I made Borscht soup, bought £20 more worth of veg and the diet is kinda still holding. I ate the last of the fudge brownie yesterday.  I did no writing, apart from the blog. I did doze. I felt much better. But very guilty. But I knew that if I continued it would just be diminishing returns. I am DONE - DONE - working through being ill.  I am too old for that shit. I also recced the site which was good. All is good. Right.  I also didn't charge my phone fully so it ran out just before I went to sleep and I read Thomas Pynchon instead. Then I had strange dreams of the landscape which he was writing about. It reminded me of Fitzgerald's description of the wasteland which Dr Oetker overlooks. America, the wasteland.  I wash and cleanse myself of the decay which this world has made and I rejoice at the revelation of the ugliness which has been hidden for so long. The Emperor literally has no clothes. To hear Andrew Ma...

Move aside South Africa, the British Empire, the Dutch Empire, the Congo Massacre - there is a new monster in history. It will go alongside the last days of Rome, the persecution of the Christians, the torture of minorities, yes the German Holocaust - the new monster. Enabled by monsters. The richest people in the world - and was this the best they could do? All white boomers - with exceptions - like Elon Musk. All the money in the world and this is what they have chosen to do with all that money? They have no imagination. No connection to humanity. No soul. That is where I made the mistake. I thought they were like us - but they are not like us. There is a part of their humanity which is missing and with this missing part of their humanity they are capable of anything. The ultimate machine - except that the machine is bereft of a person within. I am rereading Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49 . I am now reading it as an understanding the maximalist writing. The overlaying and the rac...

I decided to stay home today and not be a hero. I should have stayed home on Friday. I know now. The Lent thing went well yesterday. I made broccoli soup and had that. No bread. Then I had a small bowl of butter chicken, little rice. Didn't eat in the middle of the night. I did finish the broccoli soup this morning. Had coffee, so not quite the fast I thought I would have. I also masked my hair and face using honey, lemon juice, sweet almond oil and egg yolk. I'll do it again today. I wrote a short story. It is turning into a sort of mini spa/ writer's retreat. What else? I still have wee aches and pains. But just looking after myself has been so nice. As I said, I am home, not cos I'm dying, but I'm just making sure I recover completely. Not half way. If I had stayed home on Friday I could have come in yesterday and today. I was watching this documentary about chaos theory. Jim Alkelili's take on how life organises and indeed begins is, not that there is a god,...

I have 46 stories now. I have 6 more stories to write. This last one has birds at the heart of it. The previous one was about the first period. I think that I have categories now: Dystopia Singapore Mythical Encounters Delight Paradise Lost The ones before that were about a homunculus and the one before that was about an encounter with a friend much later.  It took me just under an hour to write about it. It is definitely Dystopia.  I should edit them. I will tidy this room after doing my Irish lessons today. I am now quite hungry and I'm going to have to just live with it. It's good.

The Garisson It is the second of February I have written 42 stories. - sorry 45 stories.  I completed my zodiac series - in fact I completed it a year ago.  I did go running over the Christmas period, but that was nearly a month ago. It did rain pitilessly for three weeks. That is true. But now we are slowly hearkening back to light once more. I have no played any piano for almost a year. I should start now. And food wise, I did make roast pork - I was very successful in that. Maybe today I can try and make gu bak. But I think the most important thing for me would be to start taking care of the body. You see, it's like this; I have discovered this. When you are young, you can do whatever the fuck you like to you body, it will be ok. As you get older, I must definitely start paying it more attention - an a daily basis, not just once a year in Singapore. For six weeks. So this starts now. The annoying thing is that I know what to do. I now just have to do it. THE RESET Body The ...

I do not remember a stigma being attached to the menopause when I was a child. I always knew about the cycles of women's lives. I also knew that when we got old, the periods would stop. While women make much of the menopause these days, I don't think they make enough of a fuss about the fucking period. It is without the top thing in my elder years that I no longer have the fucking period. I realised that periods made me insane every month only after I had stopped having them. When I had periods I would store all the frustrations of the month and three days before the bloods began, I would go out to buy chocolate and then loose my temper with the person who was annoying me the most. Usually this was Peter. Or whatever idiot i boyfriend I had back then. HOWEVER, now that I no longer have my periods, I no longer undergo this change. I mean I knew this happened, but I did not understand how crippling it was. Then the bleeding and the pain. My entire uterus would be inflamed and so ...

Well... I noticed that I did not have any entries after Tuesday and wondered why - and then I looked at the photos on my phone and realised that Tuesday was the big storm and Monday I burst my tyre. On a pothole. That's probably how I got sick. The shock and the rain. That was enough to just send me into a fracture of some description. Anyway... that's that.  Tuesday the tyre was fixed. Wednesday we continued with decimals. Friday was Brigid's Day. Today actually is Brigid's Day, so I perhaps should say something... Actually I'm too tired to say anything.  but from now on, spring is on its way. 100%

Absolute gangsters of the nicest kind... my amazing sons Well, I am finally sick. After months of not being sick - I am now sick. It started on Friday and then I should have stayed home but I did not - and now I am actually sick. Great. It's basically a head cold and a kinda flu. But I'm sneezing and just feeling shite. At least I'm doing the blog today. All of P--r's life, someone has always helped him out. Now he is gloaming on the boys. But hey, I am not going into detail here, however, suffice it to say, a long time ago I drew my boundaries and stopped. And this applies to all people like him, as soon as you do that, they lose all interest in you and move on to the next person. But to use his own sons - well, it was only a matter of time. So I'll just leave it at that. And it does bother me. At least the boy knew enough to not share in the car. Which he asked him to do. and I am not going to delete this. I am not. If he reads this, then he should know that he ha...