Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

This week has been sooo exhausting. I cannot say why. Why is it more exhausting than other weeks? I really can't say at all. I'm Doing what I always do... But not running. I'm not running. But it just seems like always too much. After the school day the actual day just collapses into nothing. I am home, lying prone, on the sofa, dozing. Then I go to bed at 7 and it starts all over again. Sometimes I get up at 11 pm or 1 am. Today it was 4 am. I drew the basking shark. I've been listening to youtube documentaries about marine life. Our planet is such a mystery. I would include the stars from our perspective. But really, really - why isn't this place enough for us? What is it about human beings that we can become desensitised to the beauty of this world? To the miracle of every single living creature? When did this mania of biggering things occur? And of being total assholes? You'd think that more connection would mean enlightenment. More t...

I have spent the past week quite sad. I think the passing of time and not writing anything, but also just wondering what it means... what does it mean? I now knw, as I did in my early 20s, it means nothing. Not a lot. All you have is this time here and what you can do to make things better for other people... I never regret my choices. I make an effort and when the effort is too much then I draw the line. People who do not wish to stay in touch with me, I get the message. People whom I do not wish to stay in touch with, I just don't. Then there are the people in the middle. I have been thinking of the people whom I'd feel a great loss if they did have to cross the threshold. There aren't many people whom I'm not in touch with.  And I have no regret that I do not stay in touch with the people I'm not in touch with. However... there was one stage when I was returning to Singapore every year and - this was my 30s and people would tell me of parents who were...

Class 4 is the year where everything you have poured into the class comes to fruition. I know this now. For three years you create the tracks. The tables, the literacy, the rhythms, the manners - everything. And then at the head of Class Four, it explodes. The children have a tremendous energy and are ready to take on any task you set them. This is the start of the will forces bringing themselves to bear. They are filled with ideas and the wish to learn and do new things. They are beings from another planet. Their intelligence is unparalleled. And they just want to use it all the time. They are full of good humour and laughter, they are witty and cheeky and they will test boundaries. And it is important to laugh at them, but also to accompany them to say, these are the boundaries and no more. No more. Here is where the sea begins. Everyday they get better and better at things. I came home yesterday after organising things and was exhausted. I slept - effectively I slept - from 5 pm to ...

  Another deep dive into the archive. At least ten years ago, possibly 15.  School was great yesterday. The kids are all reading, we are having a great time in Forest School. We are learning maths, we are working hard and we are coming together. We are now facing our most annoying month - March. March is annoying because it simply can't make up it's mind. And it seems to last forever as we head towards spriug. Things felt better after going back to the routine. I felt terribly sad yesterday morning though. It was mourning the loss of a friend who has died. A friend who is slowly dying and can do nothing about it. Its so cruel. I have decided to throw away all my non-stick things. It's just not worth the poisoning. Stop cooking with poison. People have collectively lost their minds. Organisations which have lost funding like USAID and NEW and the stupid Ukraine war, people seem to want this. Are people actually completely mad. Actually I can't even tell what the fuck is ...

 

I've been going through songs which mean something to me. In 2019, I started making a list of songs I loved on Sportify and they were all songs which meant something to me, or new songs. This is Granuille's Tower in Achill Island. Achill was the base of a pirate - and she was part of the O'Malley clan. She ended up heading the Irish Armada, as it were, and giving English ships hell on the coast. She was know as the Pirate Queen. I have been to Achill three times. It is a ridiculously beautiful place. It is only saved by having the Atlantic bathe it. The cold, clear waters deter the idea that this is a place which giant resort complexes, or even small bougie ones, will fare well. No one wants to come to a place which will probably be raining, grey and wear cable knit sweaters while having the salt blasts of the oceans streaming on your face. BUT clearly I did - three times.  Toiday, when I was listening to When We Were Young, I promised myself that I would not waste the rest...

It has been quite a strange two days now. I'm listening to podcasts about dementia and I have reached out to a few people about this... there is some clarity, but more questions.  But I should stop now. Something has settled in me... there are stories inside us which are still unfolding and I am in charge of them unfolding and I'm going to do that now. So I looked back on the year. I am so glad that I have collected everything in writing, in the blog. I wrote so many encounters down with friends. My journals are testament to my life and their lives. This blog is. Making the most of what we have is everything we need. And it is now so easy to do that. Sportify gives us music. We get food from all over the world to treat ourselves. For very little money I eat like royalty, the best meats and breads. I have wonderful friends and amazing sons. Every single day I count my blessings while I CAN count these blessings. I must take nothing for granted EVER. From my health, to my life, t...

There are too many moments to recall. It's a fact that we fitted more than several lifetimes of memories in that year. That year which ended so abruptly and incomprehensibly. It makes me think I did not see every part which I was meant to see. I didn't see the parts which maybe were not meant to be seen. And perhaps I was getting too close. But there is no point in speculating I don't speculate any longer. I detest speculation in fact. Speculation is how your mind gossips. It is building a narrative on sand. The sand which comes pouring through and never stops. Maybe I just want to speak for one last time. One last time to draw a line under the story. To say, hey, no hard feelings, cos there aren't. But I am probably thinking too much about it. But I can't help but think too much. Being me I'll probably let it soak and then do nothing about it unless someone asks me too. That's probably what's going to happen. I'm going to move to my jour...

I'm listening to Song for Zula by Phosphorescent. When I first heard it in 2019, I just joined Sportify and it was the song which captured the glory and tragedy of love. So much has happened between then and now. Over the past two days I met up with incredible friends, both whom I have done wonderful things with. Each catch up is full of conversation and news. Each catch up is filled with laughter and love. I always look forward to these things. Yesterday though, I heard that a very good friend, now since lapsed, had developed dementia and had to take early retirement. They were only 57. The people at work started to see that they were missing meetings and doing things which were dangerous in the line of work where a small mistake could injure and cost lives. The news was - I had not been in touch with this person for more than ten years, but once upon a time we were close - very close. Once upon a time we made these memories of a lifetime together. I could not believe ...

Pizza pizza pizza!!!!

I have had, once again a very busy and very lazy holiday. There was no first weekend so to speak as i was getting ready for the forest school. Then on Thursday i sorted paperwork. Wednesday and today are true downtimes. I met Jonathan yesterday and im meeting Kevin today. Now, in fact. Im bloggjng cos ive left my paper in the car. But it s ok.  I watched lots of crap. I may have reached peak tv. Yesterday i heard that Fionn Regan was playing in the Black Box. I should pay more attention to that shit. Its always good value going to Sunflower. They are definitely my tribe.  The hippys and louche cool ones. Where i can have blue haur n be Chinese and do forest school and be a Steiner teacher. Its very cool. I love it. We chatted about everything really. It was so nice to catch up. From Crowley to Steiner to autism to Forest School to everything else in between. And the time flew. Its so nice to have good friends from everywhere.  Speaking ...

I do love my life and I love the work which I do. I'm not saying it as affirmation. I'm saying it as a reminder. As the years pass, I have loved being a teacher more and more. I discover so many things, and the curriculum enables me to do completely awesome things with the children.  I don't know what the future holds for me, but now is good. It's very very good. I am happy for now. Is the work easy? Most definitely not. BUT it is truly rich. To be able to work with children and be the bridge between them and nature - it is just something which I find just... it fills my soul. There is no other way of expressing it.  Is there a better way of working with the future than working with children? Maybe a garden, but children are like gardens... secret gardens which only show what they are as time flows... I need to buy a few things and get a few things now... so I'll go. But here is to another day. ====================== Just before I...

  The Ireland of poor choices and horrendous roadside architecture is left behind when you come near the shores. Even as you approach the place, the golden fields of salt burnt grass wave dozily at you, and you see the light just grow and surround and drape everything with beauty. Here I finally am. I thought I must now come to the West more often. I know the Gian'ts Causeway is very special, but here the emptiness of the land still has a voice. I think tourism is the very corrosive acid of a place. If you have a greedy tourism authority, you might as well just pour acid all over the place. Everything is sold to the highest bidder. But for some reason the Sligo authorities have managed to keep a sense of proportion and where I was, no houses and holiday homes had come up to create this landscape of awfulness. I must start cleaning the Forest School things. And after that I need to take a walk around Belvoir Park Forest - including to the tree to make sure its still there. Just to s...