Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Earth Elemental Fire elemental Water elemental Air elemental Earth elemental Fire elemental Air elemental Water elemental AI is really amazing. I mean it is fantastic. I don't understand people who say I hate AI and then they use the Internet. The Internet is exactly the same as AI. Now the writing for AI is dismal. It really is awful. Text to word speech dreadful. But the art - that is something else. It is basic - true, but also it is pretty damn good. I am happy with it. Does not mean I won't be drawing or doing art myself or loving the therapeutic benefits of art - which is the entire point, but for results, it is hard to beat AI for a finished product. And it isn't a competition between AI and us. AI will never be us. Never. And I am so certain of my own humanity that I don't even worry about AI. Also if you develop your own ability to think, you will never h...

Yesterday... more Forest School. And I went for my run. I hoovered the house and tidied everything away. Gentle and floaty and chilled. I am glad I went nowhere and did nothing. I am so delighted. I managed to run 5 km - but had to slow down for a short while. At the end I did speed up. But I did 5 km and felt great. After that I stretched. It feels like I am back. I also played around with AI... which is in the next post... But yes, I finally got round to doing piano again and I have decided I will do the Hanon studies which I love so much. The repetitiveness is very relaxing. I think i'm there with piano now. Just had a lovely conversation with Oisin. 

Taken yesterday after exercise! Did some minor tidying of the desk today... who am I kidding it wasn't minor at all. It was very serious tidying up.  At least I now know what I need to prioritise. These pictures wee made by ChatGPT yesterday or the picture equivalent. It looks gorgeous. I'm very please with it although the fish in one of them appears to not have a head.  How they knew I liked this style I will never know. But here we are. Anyway, Ghin and I are talking again. He apologised and said he would try his very very very best in the future. I said, not just for me but for other people as well. AND if he made it a habit he would not have to TRY in the future. I didn't suggest meeting up or anything. But it was good to know that the message was well and truly received. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made. It is very difficult, this is possibly the most difficult side of the divorce. Peter was n...

Boat time... Oisin and... Aurelia... Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. And they are worth making. My sacrifice was that of the future. I trade my future with my son for... teaching him to be a good person. I had no choice. I either condoned his poor behaviour or I said, well I cannot be afraid of standing up to him. Because I am afraid that if I do stand up to him that he will choose his father instead. So, I had to make a choice. And the choice was, you cannot treat me - nor anyone else - this way. And when you have reconsidered your disrespectful behaviour then you can let me know about it. And so I had to let go - and I mean REALLY let go. To say, I took him here and after this, this is who is. He has to decide.  And I am not afraid. And it's ok. It is very very difficult the position which we have both been put in, but I will be a terrible mother if I did not set boundaries. And he can tell himself all the lies which he wants to about his behaviour, ...

Today's selfies, why not eh? I cannot tell you how happy I am. Today I organised my classroom and I felt incredibly competent, if I do say so myself. No longer having my periods means many many things, but it mostly means that I am free from this maddening cycle of blood and murder. Coupled with the no longer having to content with a crazymaker, my life is so chilled now. I was speaking with Oisin today and I can only look on with delight and feel so extremely pleased that he is doing so well. Never did I ever think that I would be feeling so happy about all of this. There is much peace as well. In fact there is so much peace I just never want anything else to change. I am just in the perfect place right now. Listening to Missing by Everything But the Girl and I feel nothing - no poignancy, no sorrow, nothing. I cannot ever imagine feeling that madness any longer. It sort of feels like a delusional thing to feel so much so anyone. I think it's something you have t...

I'm just gonna do a quick one here then do other things. Served yesterday and there was this passage about forgiveness and there is one person whom I cannot forgive, not yet. And I also thought I will absolutely forgive in my own time, if it ever happens at all. And since he tortured me for 27 years and continues to torture me instead of leaving me alone - well he mostly doesn't succeed by the way because now I just mostly laugh at him, I will wait for 27 years before I consider any kind of forgiveness. I think forgiveness is totally overrated anyway. I mean we can just move on. I don't seek forgiveness from anyone whom I have upset rightly or wrongly, accidentally or purposely. Especially purposely, why would I expect anyone to forgive me? Who does forgiveness benefit anyway? Who are the people who write about needing to forgive, probably people who need forgiveness in the first place. I don't need it nor want it. And so what if someone forgives...

Today's selfie Procrastination top tier Took too little time as far as i'm concerned Well, yesterday was not as productive as I hoped it would be. I did however watch A Discovery of Witches ... and as usual it took such a long time to get to the point that I skipped to the last episode to see what happened. At least I was interested in the last episode, unlike Game of Thrones when I was soooo bored.  I don't know what I am doing today but I do know what must be done. I am very glad that we aren't Doing Forest School today. We have lots of Forest School things to sort and settle. I'll do the Forest School posting then head to the club. The no drinking thing is now fully in its third month. Yesterday I spoke to Oisin and it very much looks like he is going to try and stay in Singapore. The child could do worse, of course. In fact, he couldn't be doing better as he waits for his job here to kick in. I am so proud of ...

The older I get, the less interested I am in patterns... perhaps because I have looked into this enough and 

Yesterday I went running with Colum and Claire as part of the Gaza run. It was my fifth run so you'd think I'd be faster, but no. It's fine. The important thing is that I did it. It's great that over the years we are still able to keep in touch and be there for each other. From the RSPB I have retained Anthony and Kevin through the years and then through Facebook and Gaza, Claire and Colum. In Singapore, Oisin and Leon and hanging out and he's going to have a meal with Lianne and Prema at some point. How and why are we drawn to people? My tribe are .... warm hearted, honest, authentic, generous and smart. They have used their time here to try and do good. But also do good in a way which is real. In which they live their truth, no matter how difficult it may be. We have walked and accompanied each other through the wilds and now we are out, on the other side. We have seeing the consequence of a life lived by truth. It is a good good life. A beautiful da...

I've decided I'm fasting for this entire week. From sun up to sun down. A then eating only fruit. It's part of the detox I'm trying to do. I'm still drinking coffee though. It's a gorgeous day. My little class are so amazing. We have been working very hard over the past few weeks and managed to get lots and lots done. I am so terribly happy with school right now. There is so much i want to do. I've also stopped using my phone at night and with the no more alcohol, this will be three months free, I feel incredible. Plus the club and the running. Everything is looking great by way of things. This holiday I am getting things organised. After all let's face it, I get to have 6 weeks off in the summer - well, just about. I had an icecream last night. It was too sweet, as usual. It's what set me on the path of fasting. I think That after this week, I will fast for 4 days a week - from Monday - Thursday, then take a 3 day normal brea...

Leon and Oisin Oisin and the conferences How did I end up making friends with Leon and Laurence? At the PSC camp definitely. But how? Leon was... how did I end up being friends with him. Laurence I went running with. But Leon? Whatever the case, we remained friends. I'd visit them in Oxford and Leon came over toe Exeter once. Loads of letters were exchanged and later when we returned to Singapore we kept up thr friendships. Chats about how we'd change the world. We'd have conversations about the policies of the PAP and the Singaporean Government and we didn't know the word then, but neoliberalism. The perfidy of it. How everything would be measured against a number and the economy. Capitalism on steroids. After what seemed like forever, I left Singapore and led this life here in Ireland. Leon and Laurence went on to serve out their scholarship bond and then went on to do their own thing. Leon to start his own company and Laurence to work in the v...

That's me from yesterday.  In the future I will smile because really I am quite happy I am happy to report that it has been another day without alcohol - which makes it almost 3 months since I have had anything to drink. It is also, of course, the equinox.  Which means it is now three months after Christmas and my birthday. I do not know how much weight I have lost, but it is a lot. My outdoor trousers now can go on although they still have ways to go yet. i'd say another month. Another month and they will be very comfortable. I mean I can wear them now, but I would rather not. I have done all this from not drinking and running about 3 to 4 times a week. This week I went on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday I was very tired when I got back. But also I am starting to fit back into my running gear from waaay back when.  It feels great. I know I'll be in great shape when I get back to Singapore, for the first time in years possibly. There have bee...

Yesterday was amazing. I got loads done. Including going to the gym. And honestly I don't think I ever want to drink again. I look at the booze aisle and I wonder how did I ever end up going there that often. Instead I go running and I feel amazing. I've been running 35 minutes everyday and it has been fantastic. Yesterday I did stretches and really - I feel better than I ever have. I have lost SO MUCH weight and I have a few more pounds to go. The really awesome thing is that I have done this without going on a diet. I have just stopped drinking - and eating cheese. Weird right? It is really important to keep moving and keep stretching and being in your body. I remember awhile back I couldn't even balance on my foot to put on my tights. Now, I don't even think twice about it. Alcohol is absolutely terrible. A terrible, terrible thing. Especially for people who are older. I can see that now. Well, for today, after this, more promotion and then some website w...

Yesterday's selfie The no drinking and exercise continues apace. I have also stopped taking the phone to bed and that is the last piece in the jigsaw, I actually started the mending and all of the admin. I did most of the elements admin - for the goddess admin - that's the only thing left and i'll do that today along with the website. It has been so so so good to get things back on track once again. I've relooked at the divorce day and that's the 19th of April. I need to get that day off. And finally, I need to write in other important dates. We have a great community of women who are working with the land spiritually. Reconnecting. It has been a long hard road to travel. BUT we are finally here. So I celebrate every day - I celebrate myself by taking selfies. Because there is so much to celebrate. For the past few years I just got so beaten down. I am beaten down no more. I am whole once again. I did my finances too yesterday and the good news is that I...

I spent the day... well I began doing this and then I went to the club to run. I got back and continued mending the torn clothes I had. However, the truth is that I am procrastinating with the admin. It's been such a fucking nightmare, I don't know what is wrong with me and the more I do it the worse it gets. So i'm just gonna bite the bullet after this and get it done. The Game of Thrones  is as awful as I thought it was going to be. The plot was ridiculous and clearly just a vehicle for the next time someone took off their clothes - mostly a woman - and a man looked on or berated the woman for faking an orgasm. I was this is just unrelentingly idiotic. Clearly the people whom this has been appealing to have had no quality fiction in their lives. It was so painful. They don't even know history. I was appalled to be perfectly honest. By the time series 2, episode 6 rolled round, and I had completed my last thing which needed mending, I was there is not a s...

Yesterday was amazing. I cleaned the house and started mending while watching Game of Thrones. Not having the phone in bed has been a game changer. I have slept 8 hours and woken refreshed with brain fog slowly depleting. Departing. The last link in the chain. Also yesterday, I felt that feeling you get at some stage, which is you no longer have to motivate yourself to exercise, exercise just takes place. You WANT to go running and swimming, just try and stop me. The kitchen was cleaned, the toilet sorted... and well the mending is a sign. I mended 7 clothes just while watching Game of Thrones. Then I went swimming while Ghin worked out and after that came back and we both watched T he Gentlemen  - for me, again. It was fun. Then I sent him back to Jim's house and went to bed. I slept after three pages of Smilla's Feeling for Snow ...  It i a truly beautiful day already and I want to be out, but today is the day for sorting all the admin. I feel so strong. Oh yes...

t has been so strange to see these locations and more on Game of Thrones. So everyone has a GoT story here. These are some of mine. The Shane's Castle crypt we saw before the first series came out because we broke into the castle grounds to look for bats. The set was up with the statues of the dead members of the Stark family. With miles of cables on the ground. Filming hadn't begun yet. Slemish we were visiting the Wildlife Farmer of the Year whose barn had been turned into a closed set... we were told I think it is a film about Africa, there are so many animal skins. Ballintoy harbour and the Dark Hedges were places we went to on the way to Rathlin. Or places we holidays at for weekend breaks. Our wee country is very beautiful. People don't really appreciate how gorgeous this place is. Beaches, mountains, seacliffs, mystical woodlands, unbelievable islands and loughs, legendary rivers, limestone cave system and ...

Today I will do all the cleaning and physical things that need to be done. And then tomorrow I will do all the computery work. Maybe that will come today AFTER I have done the cleaning. But FIRST I will go to the club. I've already done the kitchen and the washing. And my bedroom. So it is mostly tidying up and the hoovering. That's all. It feels good. It feels like things have gone full circle. I'm going to make some coffee, unload the dishwasher and then do the laundry. I think I will also try and put up the curtain rail and the curtain in this room and get rid of these ones here. Confessions of St Patrick is an autobiographical thing he wrote because he said himself people are going to make up a lot of nonsense about me. And he was right. We totally have. Patrick was used by the Roman Church to promote their particularl brand of Christianity here. What do we know about Christ's teachings? Well, if the gospels are to be believed Christ was all about for...