Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

My mom told me, your hair is so nice - i really like the white here... that is why we need mothers :-) I am now alcohol and caffeine free for one month! I must say that on especially sunny evenings, it is hard not to wish for a glass of chilled white wine, but then i think, i really love not breathing alcoholic fumes from my nostrils and it also has been ages since i have had these morning wake ups where i feel awful and miserable and down and i need to talk myself round to feeling better. So nope, i can withstand the 5 minute craving. And i feel great. Why do i need this glass of wine? I loved not drinking in Harapan. I loved not drinking when i was pregnant. And there are a million substitutes for black coffee and tea, so much nicer than black coffee and tea. I have found you can tea just about anything - sage, rosemary, thyme... i have not tried parsley yet... ;-) I am happy, and full of energy and completely content - ok now and then i get pissed of, who doesn't? - but...

I was running this morning, of course, since i am not walking up Cave Hill, and this being Belfast, there are never any flat bits of ground for any length of time. It has now been three weeks of running, i am getting into my fourth. So here are things i have now understood about the body and looking after it. 1. You must stop drinking alcohol, caffeine and eating anything with refined sugar. Dairy is also very bad for us, as is wheat. Also organic should be eaten where humanly possible. Finally meat should be eaten very sparingly - like once every two weeks. Small amounts, at that. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT. It will take about one week and you will have the worst hangover headache you have ever had for about two days. 2. What's left? Rice, unprocessesed wheat, like bulgar wheat, cracked wheat, beans, etc. Fruit and veg. Lots of all of this. 3. Drink water. Lots of water, at least 2 litres a day, if not more. 4. Run everyday for about 20 minutes - this is for cardio v...

This morning i woke up and thought it was Monday. Honestly, for about two minutes i was thinking about Monday - when i suddenly wondered what happened to the weekend, and then i discovered it WAS the weekend! What the - Anyway, it was like i had won the lottery - oh a whole weekend that i thought i did not have! How wonderful! This is week three of my journey to the new me and i have really just focused on myself in a completely indulgent and guilt free way. I no longer feel i have to take on the burdens of the world. The world will work itself out around me. I really cannot be bothered with people's stupidity any longer. Especially when it is clear that the stupidity is something which was entirely avoidable. In the meantime, i am just focusing on me and really meaning it. For too long i have mistakenly thought that i could save the world. I cannot save the world, i can only save myself and the people around me who will be saved by me being healthy, sane and awake. It all ...

So. here are somethings i have learnt in the past three weeks. 1. If you eat well and you sleep well and you exercise moderately - 20 minutes a day - and you keep active, you will lose weight really easily. I have lost a dress size in three weeks. 2. If you have a craving wait five minutes, it will pass. It will feel like eternity, but it will pass. 3. If you don't like something wait, it will change or you will forget about it. 4. If you like something, be grateful and say thank you, because it too will pass. 5. Cleaning the bathroom is a great time for meditation.   a. You can be grateful that you have a bathroom. Privacy and running water and cleanliness is a privilege that few have.   b. Expressing gratitude for the people whom i am cleaning the bathroom for - it is a concrete way of showing my love   c. Be grateful that i CAN clean the bathroom - i can bend, and stoop, and scrub. One day i may not be able to do this and then who will help me have a c...

I drew this exact scene from the Gian'ts Causeway on the blackboard I went running again today and cleaned the bathroom, and did my breakfast. Yesterday i had half a small tub of rice pudding and some vodka soaked raisins for flavouring. This morning when i woke up, maybe it was a coincidence, but that feeling of this is going to be too much for me, hit me square. A tiny bit. A feeling that i have not had for a long time. So... when happens when you go through the day feeling like this? Then you need another hit from something which helps you to cope. And then you feel the same way again the next day and so it continues. It was just a tiny spoonful of raisins too!!! It has rained all day. Really, it literally has rained all day. If this year is like last year we are in deep shit. I have not been able to work the garden because of the wetness. I know that there was one week of good weather, but i was in Rome. I am now quite worried if this is what April means. It is not re...

Today, i went running again and after about 10 minutes, it was like i was flying. In the morning air, i was so happy, just bombing along the Comber Greenway. It isn't very long, i grant you but... it was perfect. If i never run longer than 20 minutes everyday for the rest of my life, i would be content. After that 30 sit ups and then cleaning the bathroom, making breakfast and getting ready for the day. Over the past nine days, i have felt the weight drop off. This sounds completely crazy, but i think that i burn calories when i sleep. And when i mean burn calories, i mean i burn fat. Because, it is like this - i wake up, usually around 2 pm and stay awake to write and read for about two hours - no more tech in the room anymore to watch films or do social media - i feel hungry, but i don't eat. Then i go to sleep and when i wake up, i feel lighter, but not hungry any more. Then i go for my run and do my chores, and actually i don't feel hungry, not ravenous, even though i h...

A day of rain I feel absolutely well rested and amazing. After a week and a bit of eating well, resting, of being in Rome before that, of exercising, of just unhooking and chilling, i feel amazing. Like i am walking on water. I can't describe it any other way. A little bit as if i am above it all. It is a very odd feeling. I have spent all week getting the cleaning regime in place. The bathroom and kitchen have been cleaned everyday of the week and each day i need to spend less and less time giving them a once over. The kitchen has really surprised me. I thought that i would spend twenty minutes cleaning it. The truth is that i only need ten minutes, tops, sweeping it and then wiping it down. Because these two rooms are clean the rest of the house also feels clean. The bathroom is a particular pleasure; it is pure joy going into the bathroom and seeing how clean it is. I had always wondered how people kept their houses so clean - now i know. It is a small price to pay for a bea...

Those of you who have followed this blog will know that Oisin and Ghin are extremely agile, well-coordinated and strong children. I don't say this as a boast. This is a fact. Friends who have ever encountered them will tell you the same. They scale walls unaided and balance on beams and flip, etc with no problems at all. If they can think it they will probably be able to do it. I put this down to circus school and Steiner education. There are things about them which i am not entirely happy about, like they seem much happier to watch youtube than read a good book, but there you go, that just proves they are normal, like the rest of us. Anyway, they have discovered bouldering. Bouldering is like climbing without ropes and harnesses and belaying. Often, when you climb with ropes, etc you have help from the rope. If you fall, the rope takes the fall. In bouldering, this does not happen. You have nowhere to hide. The drop is shorter, but the demands are more.  Needless to say, th...