Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Well, the jet lag hit hard today - didn't sleep until 8.30 am and then slept till 2.30 pm. It is relentlessly hot. Relentlessly. It's mad. I cannot imagine this is the weather we are going to have for the next week at least. When is the next full moon? We have just had the new moon - the next full moon is on the 26th. So we are stuck with this weather at least until then. Fuck. Well, I water the garden in the morning. And then in the evening. I haven't done that as yet. The table is just completely messy. I need to sort it out. So yesterday's plan has been trashed. It is now 3 pm and I'm just spiralling. I really want to go for a run but I feel so tired and fed up. I think I'll just clear this table and see where that leads me. My priority this week will be doing a deep clean of this room.  So the daily things will be the following: Looking after Ma Being in touch with friends Doing Admin Deep cleaning - I've put that in my planner already Cleaning up draft ...

Drawing in Lengkong Bahru Ma always said that Hai Lam people worked in nonya kitchens. I didn't believe her. What did I do yesterday? Well, yesterday after being laid out by jetlag - you'd think I'd have some sort of immunity by now - I did some planning and tidied the table. Then I went for a teh peng with Oisin and headed back here to have a nap. I was going to edit my short stories when Oisin put on Ocean's Eleven . So I watched that and began to fall asleep. I got up around midnight and stayed awake till 2 am. Then I went back to bed and got up at 6.30 am. I ran at 7 am. It was smoky and still. A weird kind of heat. After that we went out. I'll post that later. The burning of the rainforest continues. Coupled with the utter destruction of the rainforest here and the usual heat, it makes Singapore an oppressive place to be. It's not that it is hot - it is actually not as hot as when there is direct sun coming down in a clear blue sky. ...

Well, it is now 24 hours since I've arrived. Time means nothing essentially. It has felt like I was in Ireland for two months. But it was only 3 weeks. The flight, 13 hours, felt like it was 5. I couldn't tell you why everything is all over the place.  But now that I'm back here, it feels like it has put some kind of bookend to this last few months. If the last few months began when I arrived here back in March.  March              Singapore June                 Ireland July                 Singapore August           Ireland September     Singapore So actually, it's only 5 trips I have had. So only 5 sets of jet lag and transcontinental flying. That's it. So what? 5 days of flying and travelling - an entire week, if you think about it. It's not that much. Considering I spend zero hours travelling most of the time. ...

Tik Tok is filled with women who have been scorned. Women who tell it all. Who show how horrible their partners are. I was one of those women and I was completely triggered watching it. It brought back all the years when I was ignored and the passive aggressive behaviours, the demeaning comments, there is also a whole thing where men spend inordinate amounts of time in the toilet. Only that we had one toilet in the house. It got so bad that I would tell the children to knock the door because if I did it I would get a shouting at. Once I said, do you want me to shit in the garden? His reply was, I wouldn't put it past you. Oh yes. There are all kinds of crap I put up with. The crap I could talk about. But I am past all of that, still though when these things come up i can't help but think of how awful it was. How he never said Happy Mother's Day. We were in Donegal and I had just given birth to Ghin. As usual I was up looking after the boys and he was sleeping. Mother's ...

Ta me abalta leann Gaelige anois. Ta ag labhrionn scealta eile go hiomlan. an ceann so freisin an buachaill agus an cat. is abhainn liom an da cheann It has been busy the last two days. Bhi gnolacht tar eis na dha lae. Been cleaning and clearing. I managed to cut all the tall nettles and and dock in the back garden. So the front and back and are now sorted. Sadly, on the last few feet of the front yard, a massive frog jumped out. I stopped cutting immediately. It was heartbreaking taking down the beautiful moist rainforest which had grown there. Heartbreaking. I stopped instantly. I think in the future, I will do what I always meant to do - just cut a mosiac of grassland so the species can still stay hidden in the long grass. It almost killed me all that - I also did lots of laundry and cleaned the garage. I have a meeting with the lawyer today to see what needs to be done by way of the transfer of the house to my name. I'll do more gardening tod...

Well, it has hit me like a wall. I am exhausted. I am exhausted. I am now flying again, for the last time, back to Singapore - the my sixth and final transcontinental flight inside of 6 months... 6 months? Yep, six months. And two of those were a week apart. I have lost my father. I am settling my second son into university, teaching him to look after the house. I am accompanying my mother through a deep bereavement. I am without an income for the next ten months - at least. I have had to uproot my entire life... yes, therefore i am tired. There are upsides. I am fit. I am healthy. I can take time to take time. I am going to be with family and everyone is good. Safe. I am hoping that common sense will prevail and we will not go into an unnecessary war.  I dreamt of Pa last night. It was a super long dream. He was bringing us to eat chilli crab and I was well what will i eat then? Then we ended up in this place with houses and gardens and just it was very beautiful but also a bit we...