Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

There is a pain, certainly in my thumb. Just at its base, but I can't tell if that's related to the actual cut. It's very infuriating. Just like the Trump administration and this war. The man is a total bollocks.  I have actually given up following this mess - it would appear that Trump now wants to block the straits himself. It's completely mad. Meanwhile. Anyway. Meanwhile. I did write two short stories. Well one was a short story - I was finally able to write about Ahab, though I don't mention him at all, of course, there are no names in my stories, and then I wrote a piece on Lilith, paying tribute to women who cannot be controlled. Men are so pathetic. Really they are. Clearly the most important thing to them is 'who is in charge?' and that 'I should get all the credit'. Because clearly, women still do the vast majority of the grunt work and men benefit from their labour BUT...

Finally, writing So the news was not good from the clinic - another week in bandages. So I am now moving from the denial stage to the acceptance and what the fuck am I gonna do about any of this stage? I am now looking down the barrel of a week and feeling the length and heft of it. I am utterly trapped - and I am also feeling incredibly miserable. For all the right and wrong reasons. Non sequitur - I looked up the Enneagram today thinking of my number which was 4 - and I think that this is a load of bollocks. If I had to go back to doing this again I would say I don't identify strongly with any one of these numbers, but it could also mean that I have grown since I did it. I am not one of these strongly and completely. But, I need to think of a strategy or I will go completely bonkers here. I can do I walking daily but poor Ma. I think we are going to have to move cooking once a day to our daily schedule after all. Simple dishes she can do which we can eat for the...

Well, here we go... I think I should put off all decisions regarding what I am doing until I have contemplated everything from every part. I think I have made my decision and must live with the consequences. It makes the most sense of all. I know what is important and I need to bite the bullet. I will tell the boys my decision. It will be a bit hit on my finances, such as they are, but I really have no choice about it. It will be fine. I will just trust I am doing the right thing and let that ride. And I need to get on with it now. I need to make sure that I do know what I'm doing here... And I just have to disappoint everyone I made promises to, but I have no choice about it. It was nice yesterday, we went to STI in Punggol - it's great that they have made a higher education institution for the more practically inclined students. I'm sure great things will come of it. I really quite like it. And the building they have made is absolutely ...

I am not even going to talk about the mess this entire American Presidency is about. There are people who could speak out, but stay silent. If you are silent, then you concede - you participate. Like fucking Vivian Balakrishnan. I KNEW that he was a Zionist - and then this super pukey photo of him with a kippa turns up of him with his eyes closed at the Wailing Wall. These idiots. Do they even know history? Since I did Roman history, I have understood how radical it was for someone like Christ to appear and then begin to change the dialogue through stories - well basically telling a story. That whole Zionist way of doing things is over - the last gasp, the death rattle of colonialism which idiotically America is trying to revive. I can't quite believe they threatened the Pope. It's crazy. Like actually crazy. Anyway, Jac is coming now. I can't wait till tomorrow. One more sleep... ========== Well... so here we are. Looking at a life scattered between two places....

e This morning I got up around 6.30 am and found Ma still sound asleep. She usually gets up at 5 am. I didn't try to wake her - when she dreams she has a chance of meeting Pa. So I pottered about and then suddenly I had an overwhelming sense of what would happen when she left too. It was so overwhelming that I began crying - and I texted Jac.  To think of this house without her - it was unbearable. It was bad enough without Pa - but without her. It was then I began to roll back leaving her in May to return in July. It was a stupid stupid idea. Maybe I won't come back till end August and forget about anything at all regarding this. To be honest that sits far better in my soul.  I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and start handing things over to the right people. It is just too too much. I will just have to look at everything and make a decision - be a grown up for once. I'm so tired though. But it was nice of Jac to bring us out. Ma really loved it. What we have now,...

Yellow vented bulbul nest with eggs in the garden Stitches today - looking good Chinese Rojak at the new Woodleigh Mall Well, life continues. Good news with the stitches. It has been sooooo boring but what can I do? I sleep and organise things as best I can. I miss doing stuff. I miss running and swimming. It's been a total nightmare that way. I miss taking Ma out. Having zero agency. But with any luck the stitches come out on Saturday, fingers crossed. And then perhaps I can do some gentle walking... we will see. I don't know if I can swim after the stitches come out. Probably not.  It was nice - Jac came a took us for lunch today and we went to Woodleigh Mall. It was lovely and it is a lovely mall - as far as malls go. Very mobility friendly. It received Ma's seal of approval.  In other news, Trump has tacoed again - or folded. He is really the most idiotic person on the face of the planet. Having said he would destroy the civilisation ...