Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Its been lovely having Raq here.  Just transfered some money there. We went on the pro-Palestine protest yesterday. I cannot tell you have distressed I am about the entire thing. It is abominable. The Israeli regime has complete lost the plot and are now killing children indiscriminately. The whole entitlement thing has really gone off the charts. It's quite mental.  Reconnecting with Raq has been such a tonic. It has been 33 years since we first met each other. So much has happened to us. If I could tell the Stephanie who lived through those long long years anything, it would be that the days are long but the years are short and time passes and you will be free. There is much to be done. I need to organise things. But first all the admin must be sorted. I have put away the money from the house. It has been placed in a high interest savings account which was found by Oisin. That will now earn income every year up to £4,500. That money will b...

Think this was 2019. Sungei Buloh What did I know then? It was such a long time ago. Before Covid. Everything can be traced to before and after Covid. BC and AC. I think there IS something I have learnt about life. That the times I thought were tough weren't really THAT tough. If I had to say something to my younger self it would be, it's not gonna bad in the long run. Tioman, I think. Mutiara I really have had a good life. A great life. I cannot complain, as they say. So, i'm going to have a shower and then head to bed and get up very early to clean the place. I have very tired.

I am going to show up everyday now for this. At 4 am. Because I am ready to.  Things I no longer regret are wasting time. It is what it is. I never wasted time. I needed the time. I did. The Goddess New Moon Journey group is going really well. I'm so delighted with it. I was saying to Oisin that it is now booked out. I said it's local and it's cheap. But we didn't want to make any money from it. The three of us do it for the love of it. That's what we do it for. I'm listening to an interview about the Process 1 v Process 2 production of the Covid vaccine. I can't quite believe that this has now occurred. Oh and the latest shit we now have are people who think they know better are now giving themselves a free pass. GUESS WHAT there is no such thing as free will. We are the product of our society. Yes to the second part, but no to the first part. Just because you could not choose better, to be courageous, to take the shot, to stand up for what you believe in o...

I dunno where the person who drew this thinks Atlantis could be Nevermind beans... The magical grains Kitsune Inari and John Barleycorn With Quetzecoatl Yesterday I attended a writers' group. The first I had attended in years. I might as well not have done so over twenty years ago. I remember it was some place in Belfast. The group was quite full of itself. The facilitator most unhelpful. I never went to another one since. Yesterday though - I read the first three pages from Atlantis. About Sangita. About the magic mirror. About seeing the future. About. I have been watching Bodies , which is a Dark lite.  I'm back at the club and have decided to start again this November. I can swim and do yoga, stretching. My foot is much better. I'd never thought it would be much better. 5 weeks ago I did feel very down. nI did think I would never walk again. Amazingly the foot is much better now and it feels awesome. I sat here googling a...

Rushing water... Fairy castle Enoki, apparently Turkey tails Honey fungus Attended the first regional Forest School gathering! It's very interesting... word is about that teachers who do a certain FS training don't really do a 'proper' hands on training.  Well what can say? I have been doing it for eleven years now continuously, so you know, really, I don't think I need too much training anymore. But yesterday I learnt how to ID mushrooms... would I SHOW children how to forage? No, absolutely not. Was it good for me? Yes totally. I have noticed that I am quite a neurotic person. Is everyone just as neurotic I wonder? I have this really strong antipathy capacity - but once you make it past that, it is quite sympathetic. However making it past that, that's a different story. The boys came over and I finally got the salt and chilli chicken recipe right... it just came together, esply the crispy bit. It i...

When the boys were very small, I did mostly all the heavy lifting. From putting breakfast on the table daily, to the fetching and sending. Peter did maybe 20%, if that, of the maintenance of that life. I of course I did it partly because you know, SOMEONE had to, but I also did it because I KNEW that one day it would all come to an end. That one day, the boys would be grown up and they wouldn't want to spend any time with their parents. It is, literally, as it should be. So I did all that in the full knowledge that they would no longer be with me, one way or another. And say if they were, then you know, happy days. It is difficult to get out of a habit. But recently, I realised that instead of getting all upset that the boys were not really hanging out with me any longer, I should reach back into the wisdom of my past and say, well, I did all that for this moment. Just as the boys prevent me from saying, I did my best - WHICH I DID, I spent all that time with them, beca...

We are now doing Genesis - which is surprisingly long.  How and why was the Old Testament included in the Bible?  My FB post about how mad it is... We are only on Chapter 18 of Genesis. So far we have had... 1. Expulsion of humans from paradise 2. First murder, swiftly followed by a lot and I mean a LOT of murder. Side note: angels have nepo babies with human women.  3. The Ultimate Reboot - The Flood - reason human beings are rubbish, God regrets having put them on the planet. Noah saves the planet but discovers wine and gets pissed. His son Ham sees him naked. Noah curses him. 3. God destroying the Tower of Babel and a truly catastrophic explanation for the presence of diversity 4. Many wars - including what appears to be a resource pinch where Abram is forced to leave Ur. But don't worry says God, I will make u very rich and have lots of descendants... as many as dust on this Earth. 5. War again - after he leaves Ur and settles in Mamre 6. Sarah his wife suggests he ha...

Gary is a mood The discipline for the past month has been yes, the Year of Living Beautifully, which is now THE mantra. Every time I feel a bit down and frustrated, this little phrase returns to me and there, I have it. Although it is now beyond depressing the state of the planet. Between the perpetual madness of the Middle East, rampant inequality, environmental collapse and what appears to be not a lot of turn back, censorship,  

From our first Forest School all those years ago... September 2020 What a freaking month I've had. First the broken foot - it is better but the foot is definitely not 100% It's probably around 50%. Then there was the awful gastric flu where I was mostly in the toilet if I was not flat on the sofa.  I am a terrible patient. I end up thinking I am never going to get better. I am so lazy and useless. I used to really love being ill, not doing anything. Now I think, oh God, I am never going to catch up on all that time.  The truth is that REALLY, I needed the down time. I could have done with less Netflix, true. Maybe next time less Netflix and the likes. But yes, the entirely since last Wednesday, exactly a week ago - just pure hell. The beauty of the year is now captured in the light. The final seconds before it all dulls, retreats, rescinds... as the recalibration occurs. Ah yes, the other big news - the car passed its MOT. When was that? Was it last Tuesday? I think it must ha...

You know the moment when the Earth is your witness in the eyes of another? That happened yesterday. And how did it feel? Validation always feels good. Also yesterday, I said to Oisin, I have realised something about you... and he said... only if it is constructive criticism. I said, it isn't even criticism. I said, I have realised that you are one of life's good guys and I should trust you completely.  It is a lot of pressure on a set of young shoulders, I know, but that has ALWAYS been Oisin. My amazing son!

My journal now Pale Tussock caterpillar  Forest School today There is something quite splendid about a still autumn day, like we had today. The rooks and jackdaws were settling in with the quickening evenings, and their cries filled the skies, just as the smoke from the fires drifted across the forest. Children whittled, ran about, sat on hammocks, played in the basketball court, swung on trees. We no longer tell them what to do, but like two forest ladies, we cook over the fire and produce knives, ropes and tarps. They run over to us, around us, laugh and call. We chat, bear witness. We are here, in the season. It has been kinder since the storms left. I have started to record and sketch in my journal. I only draw what I have seen. The leaf of a horse chestnut. A fungi. Stag. The arrival of the swans. Something has started and something has gone. When Michaelmas has passed, the sighing of the leaves in the trees begins.  A Pale Tussock ca...

Belfast Marina One of the cranes through the new builds GOT stained glass  New housing as part of the Titanic Quarter The Nomadic, made by the White Star Line The dry dock The other crane It is over. The last throes of The Sorrows. Over. I regret my behaviour over the past two weeks. I make no excuse for it, but the truth is that it was hard to bear. It is strange. I have never been interested in being with someone for the sake of being with someone. I never feel lonely. There are too many things to do. But it was hurtful. That someone could be an asshole their whole lives and children will still give you their loyalty if you bribe them enough.  It doesn't matter anymore though, because I had a breakthrough and the breakthrough was, am I going to trash all those years of love and warmth and wonder for this small but huge hurt now? Am I going to jeopardise the last few days with my...