Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

It has been a dizzying week. I only have Saturday to sort the classroom and I will spend all day doing it. So I should spend tomorrow evening cleaning and tidying the house because I won't have time for that. We leave on Sunday at 3.30 pm. So I have Sunday morning to do stuff - like final cleaning. But that's all. The play's today. It is going to be good. This will be the last year I will have to harangue them. I have so many thought about some of these children. Children who cannot control themselves. I am hoping that over next year they will settle. But essentially, I understand what's going on now and it just feels so exhausting. I am very tired. I had some breakfast today because I know it's gonna be a big day. I really just want to go home and sleep after today.  Right... ok. I'm heading now. I also have to do some friend rice on Thursday night - that should be ok.  I'm going to miss Oisin so much in Singapore this year. One of the loveliest things abou...

Last night I barely slept. The idea of nuclear war weighed heavily on my mind. The idiocy of men who, despite their total inadequacy and stupidity, have managed to get themselves into positions of power which no human being should ever have to begin with.  I cannot imagine the stupid conversations they have with each other. As a menopausal woman honestly, it makes me so pissed off that these men run around thinking they have managed to pull off some kind of macho coup on the planet. And their adherence to fucking Zionel. Seriously. Are you really THAT stupid? Are you? When you open your mouth do you realise how uneducated you sound? Ted Cruz saying that in 'Sunday school' he was told that those who blessed Zionel would be blessed like some brainwashed sheep - or maybe he thinks people are so so stupid they will accept this crap.  It's just beyond me really. Meanwhile I am with a group of wonderful women who are deepening their connection to land and story. We pu...

Grianstad - Sun Stop, in Irish, Samhradh Grianstad - Summer Sun Stop - Summer Solstice. So it should be Grainstad Samhradh - Sun Stop Summer.  In the New Moon Journeys we contemplated death. So many wonderful images were brought - but two things really stood out for me. First, the image of the dragonfly - which was reiterated in the walk for Gail - the dragonfly which signifies rebirth. And then, the walk - I was walking along the path and I thought to myself, if I ever am able to have a good death, I will remember walking this path, in the height of summer, walking back to this roundhouse and there all my friends, family and tribe will be waiting for me. And not just the people who have gone, but those who exist in the future. The drumming - so many images, but the most striking one was that we were sitting as light beings in this darkness, outside of space and time, as we drummed and when I opened my eyes I was shocked that we were still presen...

Today I became a mother for the first time. I gave birth to Oisin, I think it was - actually I don't even remember the time. I was so full of pathodine. I was mostly knocked out. It was 9 hours and between labour pains I was snoring. I snoring so hard that I could HEAR myself snore as I slept because of the pathodine. I don't know if he will spend any part of the day with me. In many ways, it doesn't matter. I spent lots of the days with him when I could and that is what matters. Oisin taught me so much. He taught me patience and how to put someone else ahead of me. In his presence and Ghin's presence I learnt to subsume my needs for theirs. I think that's how I see it anyway. I don't know how they see it. Apparently I yelled a lot at them, something I don't really remember. I recall reading the riot act at most twice a year - the big telling off - but clearly this was so effective it was as if I did it all the time. This week has not been good. ...

This was actually on Wednesday. Oisin had some good news so he dropped in and we shared the news. We got some zero alcohol and pizza and celebrated it. On Thursday we went to watch Thunderbolts and really enjoyed it. Ghin has got a job with NI Extras dressed as some androgynous kid in a school which teaches theft. It was quite funny to hear that. We chatted and laughed and it was nice to see them so often during the week. On Friday I collected Oisin and Ghin and then came back to report writing. Thus the week passes.... time does fly, really.

The front and back gardens are buzzing with life. The back garden is like a savannah for birds where they hop about and catch insects for their young. The front garden is filled with bees and hoverflies, they enjoy the flowers and the place sways with the light. I am always grateful for the life I lead. A simple quiet life. There is a part of me which would love to share this life, but I will not compromise with the person I share it with. Life is too short. To compromise. Along with Irish, I think it's high time I learn the names of the mountains of Mourne.  The Irish love singing so much of their land and the people here. The ties to this land and second to none. Not even the English could sever it. They really tried and they really failed. Which just goes to show that cruelty will never win.  Walking in Rostrevor this weekend made me feel so alive. There was a beauty there which was radiant - probably from the mountains. From the granite which does indeed radiat...

Three weeks ago... We did Forest School in the rain. We had the best food. The kids played making tents in the rain, den and shelter building. I cooked the whole time, as usual. Jemma looked after play. I cannot believe that this is my life - once a week I get to build a fire and we play in whatever weather is chucked at us. It is quite something. It looks like I could have contracted the latest version of the Coronavirus two weeks ago. Well, that's life. Stomach flu it felt like. Or it could have just been stomach flu. The sun is back again. I have been listening to podcasts about Lugh and looking at male Gods. Male gods are not as interesting for me, but ever since Aengus Og appeared in my life, I have been taking more of an interest. There are some god I love. Shiva, Hermes, Thoth and, of course, Angus. The fun and delightful and trickster gods. The very serious and lugubrious gods obsessed with power and maintaining their status and raping women all over the place, ...

Ghleann Sí It was pretty cool this weekend, looking at the Irish on the walls in Rostrevor and being able to read them, but also say, is blossoming toicfaidh? Ok the spelling, I admit is wonky, by toicfaidh is will come.  I love being able to now read Irish road signs. I feel rather smug about it tbh. I know it will wear off eventually. I need to practise my speaking now. I must make the decision to leave the Diamond League. Sadly. We went to this lovely old pub called Fearons. It was clearly a trad pub hang with children and all at the back bar as the adults talked and caught up. I think there was a communion going on.  Siuban and I spent a lot of time talking about child development and intuition. How it goes from being natural to being deliberate and all the time it is being cauterised by society. The use of social media is insidious. It is ALL ABOUT giving children a false connection to the sublime. The source of which they are fed spiritually. It is a massive ...

It's taken sometime to just let the weekend and the last nine months to percolate. This weekend, at the ancient rowan, I saw a woman in a grey cloak, her face covered, approach me and lay her hand on the tree. This is the path we continue walking, this is the path we continue exploring. In the first session, I was given the new heart. In the second session, I was Angus Og arrived as my guide. In this last session, things came together. The Grey Woman now works with us. She is the land. And in the very last drumming, I understood this: that I will work with this small tiny part of the divine, and I can and never will know all of it, that is the meaning of mystery. I work with the divine mystery, and for this I am deeply grateful. Finally, the last important piece is, that everyone experiences the other realm, the hidden realm, in their own way. It's because we are all wired differently. Kate through her work with energy, Siuban thr...

Little did I know that when I started learning Irish about 600 days ago, it would help me to do what I want to do in the work I am doing now. I have many things for next year... Many things - the work in spirit and land is growing. New Moon Journeys Bradán an eolais: Land and Spirit As I wrote Salmon of Knowledge in Irish, I felt my heart break. 

Deranged cook Yesterday I made elderflower fitters for the first time. It was really good. Used tempura batter  I love my life, but for the past two days the fast was not quite a fast. Well yesterday I did fast for 20 hours, then I had a blowout. Well, not really a blowout. Honestly, I must just not be so hard on myself. I did have some veg this morning though, but still, it's ok. Not the end of the world. I have the vision for the sessions for the young people. BUT I really want to work this up beautifully. Really get all the expertise in place before I pitch it. I have this vision and detachment which is awesome. I have had such a great time this last term. Things are drawing to a close for me and all the pain of the last 5 years has almost all gone. I feel released. It took only 5 years for things to settle down. The US is imploding. The thing though is they kind of did it to themselves. So they have no one else to blame but themselves. I suppose I have seen this thi...

The war crimes against Palestine continue. It's hard to imagine what these fucking Western government think is going to happen now. Does this mean that behaving like shites towards Palestine means they think they can behave like shites to everyone else? They have not reckoned with the world as it is now. I would strongly urge these assholes to travel. The slaughter in Gaza is too much to enumerate. But the cruelty and deliberation is just something else. Somehow the Zionists managed to internalise the oppression and recreate it in their souls, then execute it upon the Palestinians. I wonder how come the Irish did not do this. Did the land save them? Did their stories of god and goddesses and their devotion to this beautiful place prevent them from becoming dickheads? I suppose they didn't move off the land - that is the difference. They stood and defended the place.  This is why they relate to the Palestinians. It was quite good watching Paddy McCrorry beat up the Z...

My sons love Bookums so I am forced there from time to time. It is really awful. Whatever it is they are offering is just one above slop. I don't understand how anyone can eat there. It was cute when it first arrived but it now beyond a joke. Outside lounged a scattering of delivery drivers. This is what we have come to now. Delivery drivers for shite food. Instead of going to the shops to get some fresh food and to cook it yourself, you will pay over the odds for crap which was cooked in giant pots by people who don't care, made with ingredients you wouldn't put in dog food. This is the life we now live. I had what's called a 'cheat day' yesterday, but it didn't really work. My additional was a peanut butter sandwich and I felt ill immediately, I had a bubble tea, followed by a few bits of tortilla chips. It was pretty fucking awful.  One glass of wine and that's all I could take. I still felt drained. The big news is the fallout bet...

There was a moment in the Woman in the Dunes  where I thought, this could all be in his head. As in the story, he might not even be in the sand. The second or third part of the story he no longer mentions the sand when the previous 100 pages it has been all about the sand. This man might be having a mental breakdown. It reminded me of Kafka and the paradox of freedom. Kafka was paranoid for good reason. His society was one which was surveilled and monitored. Secret police and the long arm of the state was everywhere. But, like the man in the sand story, you have a sense that he has no idea what he would do with his freedom. The illusion of freedom is there is no such thing as absolute freedom and you can stay free in your mind even if you are imprisoned. Is the issue then not freedom alone, but justice as well - equality. Once again, love wins out. It's not about the small rearrangement of furnitures, but the big picture and the big picture has got to be lov...

It's Day 4 of the fast.  Yesterday went well again. I had a 20 hour fast followed by steak, 1/3 of a fuet, seaweed, willowherb and dandelion leaf soup. I slept at 8 o'clock and I had no phone with me. It has been almost a week since any alcohol. I do feel tired, but also more together. And I am not really hungry nor thinking of food. I wonder how come the fast is going well this time? I tried to start two weeks ago and it didn't work. It's working now. Whenever I do this, Week 1 is the week with little to no movement in change. I'm just getting used to the hours. It's really not hard at all. Clearly when you want to, you can do it. And I don't run when I fast. The truth is, calorie in calorie out is the total basis of weight maintenence. Yesterday I was shocked at how many people use the door delivery service for food. I think its completely mad and counterproductive. Also very expensive. Covid has a lot to be responsible for. The pla...