20.3.26 - 79 - Time and tide waits for no man
I was thinking of Pa being dropped off by us at his stop - as if dropping off someone to their first day of school - except that they don't get to come home with us - or sending someone on s trip, at this point in time - the destination is not a place, but rather a time. When we die we escape the confines of space and we enter the realm of time - we enter the next dimension - and if Steiner is right, we then travel in time to return - at a future date. So, we do return, but not to a place, but rather to a time.
And it truly is a return in time because we are new born into this physical plane once more. And if it works the way they say it should work, all time exists at the same time, so somewhere, Pa is reborn again. Somewhere, he has died a million times as well.
Today was a very quiet day. I decided that we would just rest off the past two weeks. Last week we had told Ma about Pa - after we had breakfast, we told Ma the news, and she was devastated. That it was cancer and that we couldn't do anything about it. It was such a difficult decision to make - should we have told her? Or should we have kept it to ourselves. As I tended to Pa, what became clear to me was that there was no past, present and future - there was only now and the many layers of nows upon nows and that nows would last in time forever. Everything had been retained by time itself - time was not spent nor evaporated, but saved, preserved, but not the way the say fossils are preserved, but you can access them at any stage - through memory. And then by thinking and going back to them.
I really do believe this now. But because we have incarnated into this body, we are forced to live with this duality - the hidebound nature of the physical world - space - while travelling in time. It is sort of a half in and half out feeling. We are free to move in space but utterly hidebound and constrained by time.
Today I dismantled the last of the wreaths and collapsed the cardboard boxes. I looked after Ma, made sure she was alright. Jac has suggested things we could do, but I've said, that's alright, I think we can just take it easy today.
Night comes so quick here. Singapore. I can't quite believe that I'm back here - Singapore.
I thought that tomorrow I could start thinking and planning for everything. I told Ma and Pa had been to Ardmore and she was delighted. I then suggested that maybe next Easter we could go back to Ardmore and she could come with me. We'd go in Easter - she could all strengthened up and this would be a great goal to aim for.
But who knows what's going to happen next year. If Israel is not stopped, we could be facing a nuclear winter. I fucking hate Israel. If this fucking state no longer existed, it wouldn't be too soon. Why do all the people who actively support and enable it, can someone answer me, why are they all not just evil but also really, really ugly. They are so uncomfortable in their own skins. It's inexplicable.
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