Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Mari kita yakyak Touch Buddha's stomach for ten years good luck Cannot believe I collected them one week ago... Much has happened but also not happened.  Not happened: Any kind of work, art, etc... Blog Drawing Happened: Reading Ibn Battuta - half way Going out - a lot Eating - a lot Catching up - a lot Hanging out with boys - a lot Spending time with Mama and Kong Kong - a lot Firefighting and managing potential crises - a bit Running and swimming - a lot It has been a bit depressing and sad here. Things are now really starting to fall apart and no one knows what should be done. Why do I say this? For a start, the numbers of people here are crazy. The climate crisis is very real, and the fragility of the place - food, water, etc... the entire thing has become so incredibly complex and I cannot understand how people have any sense of this place. Yesterday we watched this video about sustainability here - from water to waste management, food waste, energy us...

Yesterday, the view from Marina Bay Sands The Shoppes... you will never have seen so many 'luxury' brands in such massive stores in one place Ghin and Bodhi Apparently, a milkshake... but actually a diabetic coma.  There must be a law against selling something like this... Singapore's next male models... At Ippudo Straight into the pool Arrival at Changi Random Ironman at Terminal One Still don't understand what it was doing there... Well, it's been a blast. Over the last two days we have been settling the boys in... showing them the sights. I have developed a routine of running and swimming, followed by doing a bit of work, reading, meeting friends. It has been very chilled. The boys' arrival has been both delightful and pressurising. But it is so nice for them to be hanging out and it has only been two days now since...

South Bridge Road area The remaining shop houses... Park Royal and its hanging gardens Seems strange, this unreal city This place is a wonder of the world... but... ... at what cost?... Can it ever be worth it? Meanwhile in Serangoon Gardens, a morning dawns Skies free of buildings... It has been a completely INSANE 10 days since I returned... well.. has it been 10 days? I got here on the 12th... so that's 11 days...it is as if lifetimes have passed. Everything has changed and yet nothing seems to have moved. There have been multiple corruption charges and criticisms from the PAC or equivalent thereof. Some prominent people have had their affairs very publicaly exposed. And as usual I still have no sense of Singapore.  Ma and Pa have gotten very old... Although they look awesome here... Oisin graduated and we were able to watch it online... Ye...

Well I did not think it would happen, but it did. I cleaned everything. Fridge, kitchen, fryer, everything. Oven. Everything. I hoovered the entire house and cleaned the toilets. It was actually super therapeutic cleaning the toilets. I have just been so tired that I could not. I now have only the Tesco mobile thing to do and then... I'm good. Oh yes the broadband as well. So, it's all all good. I am sooo happy. It has been sorted. All of it. I have checked in, sorted the taxi, the cat, everything. I am now good to go. Just need to pack. As I get older... I don't know... things don't seem so onerous any longer. I think that the next two decades may actually be pretty cool. I am not guessing, I know what has to be done. I know things. Places to do to. Even how to clean the toilet. That was so ridiculously straight forward.  Just everything has come together for this year. Like I said, if I never ever again experience this sweet spot in my life, I will know that I had it ...

Well, yesterday, Oisin returned after university. After 3 long but short years. He has returned triumphant, with a full life, with a suitcase of memories and a first class degree in Finance and Business Management. We chatted and discussed everything on the ferry, my son is a wonderful conversationalist. He is filled with excitement, determination and trepidation of the future. I remember thinking, what now? After university. I don't know what's next, except that I did, in the end. After university, the civil service.  We laughed and joked, and we reminisced and discussed everything. I had gone from Belfast to Norwich and back again in the space of 48 hours. I had helped to clean and cart, feed and in the end, I was there to say goodbye. Endings are harder than beginnings. It is easy to start something. To end it with finesse and dignity and honour. That is difficult. And I helped Oisin end this. I did.  Then we got into the car at 3 am and began driving. Around Sleaford, Oisi...

Turn out I have been doing this now for 10 weeks. My diet. It feels good. Strong. I have 2 more weeks to go before I have done this for 3 months. 3 months. For 3 months I almost back where I was when I was 43. Well worth it. And this time done consciously, not because I was ill nor unhappy.  I also tried on a dress I had from 10 years ago and when I last wore it, I thought, I was fat. It turns out, I was smaller than I am now. However, the good news is that I can get it on - it is only the gap between the buttons at the waist which is slightly open. Apart from that - it turns out I was not overweight at all and I was mostly insane. However, the REALLY good news is I have one week before we hit Singapore and then another week to get where I am hoping to get. Right I should get ready for Forest School. Oh and Oisin got a First. Congrats to my amazing son. But he made the most of life in university. My son whom I hope will be able to make the most of the rest of what life has to offer...

It has been SUCH a year. I just want to acknowledge that if it does ever get worst, I had this wonderful year. Forest School has been great. School has been great. My personal life had been great. I have shed the burden of a relationship which did not work. Which really never would have worked, looking back. But like I have said everytime, I did try my best and I promised myself I would never compromise who I was again, especially since it did not work. Now I know that it was all about control and I would never be controlled. It was about trying to break me, and I cannot be broken. A long line of women stand after and before me and I will not allow myself to be broken for them. Nothing is worth sacrificing who you are - who you are meant to be. How could I possibly ever do that? And no sacrifice was enough. There as always the lack. The complete and total lack thereof.  And it was not my job to sort that out.  Being away from the crazy has been so wonderful, though of course t...

The blogpost title refers to the amazing transformation I have made in the last 8.5 weeks of course. My IF until the last two weeks and still I managed to lose a few more pounds. Or inches. 8.5 weeks of finally righting that ship. No more midnight snacks. Small simple meals. No more eating when bored. I have begun to feel hungry now when fasting which is probably an indication that the fat supplies are at an end. I am probably the weight I went to Harapan with. It would be nice to manage to achieve the Harapan weight once again. I very much doubt that I will be able to do that - but we have to try right? I can now wear more of the outfits I used to wear in the past. Dresses, trousers, etc. Still though I think I need to shed another 5 pounds before I can wear most of them. I will continue to fast to get there. It will eventually happen.  Well, the plus side? There are no non-plus sides at this stage. The plus side is that I am healthier and lighter. I have more energy. I feel bette...

The holidays have ALMOST begun. There was the farewell in school this year - not just to my current class but also the class which once knew me. Class 11. I think I may be the first teacher who is still teaching in the school after all this time. Still as a class teacher. I stayed the course. I taught all the way through. All 7 classes. It has been a crazy time.  But I have learnt so much in that time. I think that this year I will have to throw away things - or start to throw away things. I have a headache. It is the prosecco I drank last night.  But what HAVE I learnt about myself? I have learnt, not so much about myself, but that with age, or age is a great thing. I love, have loved getting older. I have loved turning 50. I have loved no longer having my period. And now that I am managing my weight, I am feeling healthy. I am feeling good.  Rather hilariously, I heard from Heidi the news that there is going to be another child. I laughed out loud when I heard it. It wa...