Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

So yesterday we went to Oxford Island And there wee hundreds of birds, again Winter is an amazing time. During this time of year the birds arrive from further North and they settle in a place which doesn't freeze over the winter. I headed to Oxford Island with Kelly and a friend of Ghin's and we strolled in the grounds. It is really really gorgeous - just all that light bouncing off the water. And just silence, apart from our talking and walking. There is no peace like the peace found in nature and we are so lucky to have so much of it around us. View from the hide I said how happy I was to live here, in Ireland. And that for the forseeable future I had made it my home. It was now a place which I had come to know and love. The people were good natured, the countryside though broken was still very beautiful and hopefully there was now a new impulse which would see a more sustainable form of growth which would mean that all which is beautiful and good of Irela...

Yesterday I discovered what the most awful feeling in the world was - being despised by your own children. It sort of happened like this. At dinner as a joke I said to Oisin he was not my favourite son, as a JOKE. I said, you can sit, since you aren't my favourite son. Seeing how much I absolutely ADORE Oisin, I would imagine that hey, is it not obvious that it is a joke. Nope, Oisin did not see this as a joke. Mom, you know you say that not everything is a joke. And then he decided to hold it against me the ENTIRE night. There are two things which are incredibly annoying about Oisin. The first is how he is a pedant. He is incredibly pedantic and he will argue crap. So in many ways LAW is a good career choice for Oisin. The second is that he can really hold a grudge. It is remarkable really how he is so good at that. He can hold on to things for days on end. As he has gotten older these two tendencies have become worse. Anyhow, that is what happened. Grudge. And when he is in...

The next question would be, of course, but why would you want to be? Because it is a genuinely interesting activity which, if you are sensible about, can really enrich your life. When I was first introduced to birdwatching, I was a little bemused. I think it is partly because I found the people so odd. I mean they were genuinely odd. The ones who did the birdwatching were pretty much obsessed. They all kinda looked and talked the same - the macs, the bins, the incessant comparing. However, thankfully there were those who were also quite well balanced. Where despite their really high level of knowledge were completely chilled about the birdwatching. It was those people that I gravitated to. The birds I got to know through the job I did - which was PR - which meant I was always looking at photos of birds and also heading out on reserves. I will never forget the first awful months when the learning curve was as steep and as slippery as a frozen waterfall. Even now, even though ...

pictures from our Halloween meal These wood candle stands were made by the kids Bowl carved by student, carbs donated by parent Yesterday I went for a walk in Strangford as part of the birdwatching group thing. It was a really really beautiful afternoon. Drenched in sun and only the lightest breeze. It was actually WARM as we came off Islandhill. It seemed like everyone was out enjoying the light. I was with Ghin and a few others. Luciano was there and Kevin, and Luciano's grandparents. And there were thousands of Brent geese. They were out on the lough, floating as they enjoyed the warmth of the water. There were lapwings, the most Christmassy, the most celebratory of birds. Curlew and dunlin and knot and Golden Plover. There were Wigeon and Mallard and Shelduck and Teal. We talked about migration and where these birds come from. How they navigate and how they fly over. How they feed and how they roost. It is just amazing really. In many ways I feel so much like th...

When I saw this a million years ago, I understood she was speaking to me and all the other women in the same tribe - the nomads of the world It is a gorgeous day at the end of Autumn. For me winter begins in November, after Halloween. I have never understood winter continuing until February and all that nonsense. As far as I am concerned, 1 November is when winter starts, 21 December is MID WINTER, the clue is in the name, and then spring begins on 2 Feb, which is Imbolc. Anyone who says anything else has been brainwashed. Summer starts on 1 May. Anyhow, with the passing of autumn, it was a great time to reflect - especially with the half term on its way. A great time to take stock and ask myself all those wonderful existential questions I love torturing myself with. Although it has to be said, i am discovering, not too smugly i hope, that if you ask yourself existential questions and then attempt to live your life in answer to them, after some time, say around thirty years, you ...

This morning, 5 am, I got up. For the first time in months. To write. I cleaned the house yesterday and was really looking forward to being in the space of deep peace and tranquility. The laundry is done, the kitchen organised, the living room tidied, the bedrooms sorted. There is a wonderful sense of lightness that surrounds a clean home which I need to function properly. The no drinking thing has gone very well indeed. I am so clear headed and full of energy - well when I can be, given the millions of things I get to do every week day. Or indeed every weekend. But this weekend was especially nourishing. To be topped up by music and beech forests, moss and good company - it is all I need really. I also got a new book - well, a gift. A friend has written his fifth (?) book on birds and it is a masterpiece. It is on bird migration in Ireland and it is going to become one of the classics of naturalist literature. I dropped in to see him, mostly to show him how tall Oisin had become, ...

The reckoning of the year is almost upon us - the last day of October, where the veil between the worlds becomes thin and we are able to travel with time and be with those whom we have been unable to be with. This desire to enter the future through the past, this yearning to travel through time, is the most human of yearnings. Astronomy, astrology, calendars, insurance charts, predicting the weather, probability, nostalgia... all these manifestations are the shadow of time, our beloved fourth dimension whose grip is a loving as it is unforgiving. It is the dimension which casts its long shadow upon us, whose invisible hand we feel always but never see and it washes upon the shores of our consciousness, our desires, over and over again. But just for one day of the year at this time of the year, we allow, we imagine, we bring to birth, we fulfill this deepest of wishes by convincing ourselves that we can see through this veil. We can reach through the boundaries which transcend our eye...

No, Wednesday, Wednesday... It has been a good start to the week. Ran yesterday and Monday. Managed to get the laundry done. Any day when I am on top of laundry is a good day. And yesterday I tried getting up at 5 am, but my iPad for some reason doesn't want me to get up at the time I said I would. I have started updating the school's webiste and managed to get lots of teaching done. The Physics lessons are going really well. It is not like any science which I know, but it is really engaging for the kids. I can't believe how much they have grown over the years. Being a Steiner teacher is without doubt, one of the must fulfilling jobs in the world. To do it properly is just amazing - I only wish I discovered it sooner and that we would be given enough resources to do it properly. Slowly but surely, after the last weird three weeks, I feel myself returning. I have been able to keep off the booze and this has done me a world of good. I did have some wine last week and ...

This weekend my period finally arrived after almost three months. The last time I had it I was in Jura.  Then, it disappeared and I never saw it until last Friday. It was weird when it arrived. Usually I greet it with a really? Ugh! But now I feel quite fond towards it. Like an old friend who I know I will never see again. I suppose this is part of life now. Things are passing and changing. Our states are all changing. Our states change all the time. That is all that happens we hop into one state and then emerge into another to change once again. I still experienced the deep exhaustion and melancholia which came with the period. I stayed in bed all weekend and watched Brooklyn 99. Everything in life was simply too much for me. I went to Ghin's basketball match. I had MacDonalds with the boys. I didn't do much else apart from lesson prep. Everything just seemed too much. It was like I was wearing away at the seams. Nothing seems of any use really. That was how I felt. I ...

...a clean house. Finally got the laundry up to speed - i.e only two more loads to do, cos i can't do any more - run out of radiator space - and cleaned the toilet. Did the kitchen and hoovered the whole house. The amount of dust was just not funny any more and the cobwebs... too bad it was so near Halloween, but I really couldn't live with the density of webbing - I either have very industrious spiders or I haven't cleaned in a while. Both may be true. So, now I am going to start sorting out the art box. As much as I love the fact that my sons love arting it is also really annoying to find that they don't seem to understand the concept of putting the equipment BACK. So, for the first time since coming back from Singapore, I have done the level of housework which I believe is appropriate for a reasonable level of cleanliness which right thinking human beings should live in. This is not to say that I am living in an aseptic house. The house is still covered in dust...

Including running. The sorry saga after the half marathon was me taking a week off running. Essentially because I couldn't run any more. I could walk, yes, but run - no. Even today, when I went for my Sunday run which is a little bit longer - around 40 minutes - towards the end I found my legs having that weird numb feeling which I had in the last mile and couldn't run anymore. And then I felt so annoyed with myself - of course I wasn't to know - but BEFORE the marathon each single run I went for was not only effortless but enjoyable. I mean I LOVE LOVE running FFS. Today it was a bit blah. But when I got home, I was on top form, and the reset button had been pressed. And I know for certain that nothing must ever get in the way of my regular running. Nothing. Because it is what keeps me sane. So last week, I was mostly ill. The WORST cough and flu I had for ages. I lay in bed over the weekend and cursed ans swore miserably. When I get like this it feels like I will ...