Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

It has been a busy weekend already. I attended my first coppersmithing workshop and I made six pieces - five willow leaves and a copper bracelet. Did some cleaning but not hoovering. And caught up with the laundry which always leaves me with a great feeling. Then I MUST sort out elements. But how beautiful is what we do? So beautiful. I knew I would love it. Copper is definitely the metal which is the loveliest. Just because it isn't the most expensive it does not mean it isn't the most precious. 

Europe is now at war. Wonderful. After a month of getting very annoyed with the Russians, and only managing to make things worse, the Western alliance has managed to completely fuck up the balance of power here. Well done guys. Well done. The people who completely messed up and overcalculated the risk of Covid- 19 are now supposed to sort us out over this mess of war. In the past ten years none of these people have not only been in power, they have also not had a successful war. They are exhausted, in a mess, they are divided - and now a united Russia is attacking Ukraine. There are no innocents here apart from the Ukrainian people.  It is all mad now. And a few people will get rich and the rest of us will suffer. It has been a the capture of the ruling classes. They became too soft, too effete, too idiotic. It was always going this way. Here we have China and Russia now going well, that was fun folks, but it is now time for the adults in the room to take charge here. I am really n...

It has been a busy week - each day I am shattered. Broken. I am DONE. Each day I am completely annihilated by the sheer effort it takes. And it takes a lot of effort. Step by step by step. One by one we go. Today after I do planning I'll wash up and then organise my desk here. I am no longer going to do anymore extra days if they are not going to pay me full days for those extra days. They are just a huge joke. I am livid really. They are saving loads of money by having me substitute and not giving me what is due? Well we will see about that. Right time to complete the planning.

What is the book about? It is about working with the Elemental really. And it is about doing it in a practical way. I mean why bother writing? Bother writing because it is the only thing which scratches that particular itch. I know that I have not been regularly doing this. And I have always had excuses, but I must stop making those excuses really.

There is a wonderful calmness after the storms. We had another busy but very satisfying day at the school. The children love it. Tomorrow I will go to local schools and do a leaflet drop to them.  I was bone tired when we ended yesterday. I could barely walk. I had a nap but not drinking meant I was able to get up and get things done. I made dinner and even did the weekly shop with Ghin. It has been very satisfying indeed this past week.  I love my life. I love everything. We build and we craft and we create. I gave the ok for the papers we are one step closer to completion. Peter is still the control freak. That's ok. I don't know how he went from being the person who agreed that he would just let me lead to the person who is now in charge. I am so glad that I no longer have this shit to deal with anymore. The constant power games. He was always running interference on me. It was so exhausting. Talking about exhausting. I am exhausted. In a way it is good to know that my feel...

It has been a madly exhilarating week. The last time I felt like this... let's see what I managed to do. Get divorce papers to Kelly Sort out all papers on table Get household budgets done Write down list of things to do Get Ghin to sign up to Santander Got LOADS of Forest School things sorted including get to grips with Mail~Chimp and get first Newsletter in ages out, sort out monies, start Starling and PayPal account, advertise Easter scheme, update website, sort out equipment in garage, hold two Forest School sessions with good attendance, get great feedback, compile list of schools and write to principals, start book, write out list of things we can now do! (that was very satisfying)  I also managed to get the TV license applied for and sent off a letter to Bart Not to mention do my lesson plan and sort out my entire filing system online Last but not least I tidied and cleaned the house and began doing the laundry It has been ridiculously productive and very satisfying. On the ...

It has been a busy and productive week. I even managed to post two letters yesterday! And I began doing the household budget. It really has been very satisfying. I said to Ghin that if I died tomorrow I would die happy - of course I now realise what I said - Ghin would be alone, of course. But what I meant is the personally I would be happy.  I also found this wonderful poem again as I starting tidying up - the one of Kalidasa and turned it into an Elements postcard. It has felt very special this holiday. I went into it a wreck and have emerged encouraged. This two weeks will be all about knocking on doors. I must speak to Matthew to say that we need to now have a strategy of advertising and growing the business. I just want it to grow until I am able to get a decent income from it, that's all. Nothing more. I don't want world domination. Let's say if we continue doing this I could well get something decent from it. Maybe a bit more if I get two more regularish gigs - espec...

It has been a very satisfying holiday. Ghin made me stop having any booze and my productivity has increased exponentially. It does seem a bit sucky that my will is now linked to my drinking but that is LIFE right? However this is what I did: Got the divorce papers in order Sorted out my finances and household things Rebooked the MOT Sorted out the finances for Forest School Got a list of to do things together Ran two Forest School sessions Sorted paperwork for Forest School Advertised Easter Scheme Sorted the Coppersmithing for next week And now have a way forward for the chaos AND have become reinspired with my calendar And I have now started thinking about the Journeys for Elements. We are learning ALL THE TIME. I cannot tell you how awesome it felt doing Forest School at Killinchy and getting all that great feedback. Honestly it is something which I feel so thrilled about. That we went to a completely new place and the kids loved it and the feedback from the adults was also awesome....

I wrote this on Facebook about Pisces. It was inspired by an email I sent Kate. Here it is: Pisces, the fish, is commonly regarded as the last star sign in the zodiacal year. So much has been written about the star signs, but my own interpretation here was inspired by my adopted home - Ireland. Here it is pictured of course, as the Salmon of Knowledge and the hazels - three arranged in a triangle to symbolise the month of March - are the hazels from the Tree of Knowledge which the Salmon of Knowledge ate to give it its wisdom. The salmon is a miraculous fish. It is one of the animals that is completely able to change it body's morphology. As it swims between fresh and saline water it goes through a dramatic adaptation. This is literally the SAME FISH. The blue circle behind represents the planet Neptune. The words around it are Contentment and Everyday Miracles. I hoped to turn this into a calendar which would then remind me the qualities I should practise and meditate on in March....

These are the days of strangeness.  We had a good session at Killinchy. I hope things do pan out for us. So today after we do the set up in the school - or between that, I will focus entirely on Forest School. I have managed to get most everything out of the way regarding school. It is nice to be able to focus entirely. I should go to school now. It has been a very busy and productive week. With bits of lazing. Life hasn't been so bad.

Beperut Beperut translates from Malay 'to have a stomach'. It means to be considerate, to think of others first, to place yourself in someone else's shoes. Thoughtful. This word came up this morning when I was talking to my mother about relationships. More specifically about men in relationships. I said to her that my dad, in his younger years, demonstrated this quality to a fault. He wasn't just considerate to us, his daughters, but most especially to my mother. He did not think to have to be told to let her know what time he would be coming home, to tell her he loved her on a regular basis, to thank her, to kiss her, to hug her and to give her presents she loved - mostly gold and diamonds. Yes that is true. Like many South East Asian women she was in charge of the money in the house. She took care of the bills, she did the household budget and she spent money the way she thought fit. He did the bigger money things like investments and the decision to buy the house was...

Been a long time since I put up a selfie. Well this is it. Me in my nightgown. Lol.  So I wrote this instead of writing the blog. This was a facebook post. A huge part of my vaccine hesitancy has been because of my deep distrust of Big Pharma. Saying we trust Pfizer or GlaxoSmithKline is sort of like saying we trust the military industrial complex to protect us and bring us peace. Or the agri-food industrial complex to feed us and look after the land. Or religious institutions to bring you closer to spirituality. Or status obsessed exam fueled education system to bring about self actualisation. Or the advertisement reliant media to provide you with the truth. Of shareholder led financial institutions to ensure that wealth is shared and redistributed fairly. Or Big Tech to look after your data. When bad actors give reasons of good faith you really have to question everything. Skepticism was invented for PRECISELY situations like this. That is not to say all doctors are reliant on ph...

It was busy yesterday - with some downtime./ But I was thinking how people, because they are so disconnected from religion have started to make religion a mysterious and mystical thing which is clearly not helpful. Also weird. And then it adds this weird thing about interdimensional travel. I have to a point in my life where none of this matter anymore for two reasons - firstly, it just straight up doesn't matter. And secondly, i have read all i can about it and there is nothing contained in books which has anything that is vaguely interesting or even close to revealing any insights about this. The best I can do is intuition is the only gateway to seeing the future. Intuition and experience. So the longer you live the better you are at guessing what comes next. Very simple even simplistic example... if you touch fire, you will get burned. If you pinch someone the person will get annoyed. If you are an asshole you will get smacked. These things are only learned. Of course some peopl...

Gemini are the twins. In the past twins were the uncanny valley. Really they still are. especially identical twins. It is clear they have a connection between them and they always will. There is no point denying it really. However... well...  If we think of humans as the crown of creation - the perfect and single expression of everything in nature this synthesis, when we can say that Gemini - is Gemini the double perfection or is it the duality? When I think of Gemini, I think of the mirror.  Tree - Ash Summer... Twins... Mercury...Air...Six...Manifest the Courage of Our Convictions.

The beauty of the world is reflected in us. As well as the horror. I am now done with watching serieses on TV - binge watching and what not. There is no substitute for slowness. For delicate transitions. For the humaness of a scale. Slow everything. Food. Tourism. Education. Writing. Filmmaking. Gardening. Music. Art. Everything to be slower, better, lovelier. Always./ I have discovered this now. More is never better. Enough is always pleasant. Just a little bit less is perfect. It never be completely full. It leaves space for space and it is in space that the future can be created, that the past can be revisited. It is in space that the present has space to move around. In space. I suppose I came to Ireland for space. The exhortation of productivity and efficiency in Singapore exhausted me. I was exhausted and I did not even know it. I was firing on all cylinders. I had peaked and I had fought. I had had enough. It was more than enough. I needed an out. I was suffocating. I threw some...

Life is about it being beautiful. There was something which worried me about Anna Delvey which made me think about myself. I am not a hustler, I know that at least. But her refusal to admit that she did anything wrong. When asked if she would do it all again she said, yes, I regret nothing. Her weird unblinking stare was unnerving. It was like she was a shell, devoid of all feeling. Like she was empty, a robot. At least I am not that, I thought. At least I cried, and wailed and truly did feel things. I really did try and do my best. I did not scam people. And I did not hang out with people who were interested in scamming people. Quite the reverse actually. I actively rejected that truly appalling life of shallow nonsense. My life though is about beauty. Most of the time I am too tired to make it, but really, really, really... I do try my absolutely and very very best. I do try and keep a sense of order about me and when I cannot I know this - I do hold my hands up and say ok, you got m...

Right I have caught up with the blog. What do I want to say after this crazy two weeks. Mercury Retrograde is almost over. Apparently it ends on 23 Feb. It is more or less six weeks long... I need to start planning again. Yesterday I cleaned the house. I need to think about the life which I lead. The school, the house, the sale of the house, Elements and my own artistic and writing development. There were things which I wanted to do but I cannot do them all because I get so tired when I get home. That's life I guess. I also wanted to do more running but how is that supposed to happen when I am bone tired... Alright. I need to have this way of planning things because I have so much on right now. Sunday: Clean Forest School gear and organise admin. PM: Divorce Admin Monday: Classroom prep Forest School prep. PM: Car Admin, filing Tuesday: Forest School prep. Budget. PM: Forest School Wednesday: Drop off documents to Ballythingy Forest school prep. Garden PM: Do repairs Thursday: Fore...

It is a rainy Sunday afternoon. We have had a very quiet weekend. Yesterday I made Ghin a cheeseboard for dinner. We sat and tucked into seven different kinds of cheese and discussed what our favourite cheese was.  This weekend has been quiet and me recovering from the last two weeks. Between the child protection and the combined classes... I have to say it has been gratifying to learn that I can indeed do larger classes - and even address the needs of all the children. I am becoming a much better teacher - better than I used to be. I can see that now. I tried my best always but my best is so much better now. I have lesson plans all laid out, all ready to go.  It has been a delight putting them together. And then the drawings which I have done with the kids - these have given some of them so much confidence and given them a sense of ability for themselves. It is quite magical to be there. Right. My life now.

Hell to Pay For I was listening to this podcast by ZDogg this doctor who has said much about the rules and regs around the pandemic and how the science is not really science... he has recently segued into some kind of philosophy and was interviewing this bloke whose name I cannot remember about the collapse of civilisation. I did not listen to all of it because like all science podcasts when they stray into this area, especially if it a discussion led by men it is only a matter of time before the multiple impregnating of women as a strategy for survival of the species comes up. It is exhausting to listen to this self-serving nonsense. And even if it is then cushioned as it is true we don't do this anymore but that is why men can't keep it in their pants if left to their own devices. The other thing they talk about is that we still have a Paleolithic brain. I don't know about you but a) we don't know what the Paleolithic brain was like and b) the last time I checked, I d...

It is now Sunday. I watched the dramatised version of Anna Delvey's life and it is unbelievable how people were taken in by her. Money really is not just an illusion but is able to CREATE illusions. It is literally shocking not only how she was able to con people but also what she chose to con them out of. Her vision for an elite art/society refuge in New York was doomed to failure. It was the equivalent of the Fyre Festival. It seems not only ironic but also justice that she lived with Billy McFarland and managed to fail just like him for the same reasons.  But she is right that bankers, hedge fund managers, etc they get rich by playing with money they do not have - it is just that she did not land that job. She was trying to do it from outside the system and short of actually marrying into money or attaching yourself to someone, it is literally impossible to do this with any degree of success - short of getting a loan - starting small and building upwards. In this world especiall...

Our role as human beings...  In the very entertaining and mostly undecipherable Foundations of Human Existence, a series of lectures which Steiner gave, he write sin Chapter 3 the meaning and purpose of being a human being. He talks about the division between the physical and the spirit, or nature and spirit and how really both belong to the same thing. That the spiritual and the physical are the same - which we discovering in quantum physics.

I am bone tired. But still trying to blog. This morning I got up, barely able to comprehend anything and had to prep for class. It has been interesting teaching the combined class. So many changes are taking place too... I am actually too tired to do anything apart from have a nap now. I'll get up and clean the house after this. I CANNOT believe it is now the weekend soon!!! Amazing!

It has been a day of high drama. I ended up feeling the madness of being a mother. It was such a ... But at some point I remembered that all these years had been working up to this moment. This was the moment where I called in all the fucking favours I had laid away. I had stored up all this capital, I had brought in all the chips and I cashed them in. The chips of time, the chips of love, the chips of endless patience, the chips of moments and hours and days and years - all cashed in. And That Was It. Gabriel had some awesome advice. She said, look here, she said, It is what they do. The teenagers. It is how they think. And they will go for the jugular. They will push it. And they will want you to hold the line. I said I was Damned if I Did and Damned if I Didn't. I had to push back. And they will respect you for it. And because you are the constant one you will get it the toughest. I'm sorry about that. Having friends like Gabriel means that I walk in the wake of their wisdom...

Here we go, My incredible life. I get to play in the forest three times a week and I get to make fires, teach children how to use knives, I get to play with ropes and I get to live the life I have always wanted to lead. That's something right? Here is my Gary in my bed. I often find him there when I get up. Having Gary around is everything. He is my darling baby.  We have up to 18 children in Forest School now. The kids who come on a regular basis are making fires, playing with ropes... I can see now that children have to play. To be in their bodies. These years pass so swiftly. Our forest school breathes... there is a beauty and a loveliness to it. There is a wonder. There is an ease. There is no technique. It is us returning to ourselves.  Here we are making spears... We end off with Gary... here is was sitting on me looking positively regal... my darling Gary.

The vexing question of authority management - as seen by the utter and complete mess at Downing Street and the shitshow in Stormont. Why can people not work together intelligently? What is that about? Why can't people be lovely to each other? Why does it always have to be a power struggle? Why do emotionally compromised and deformed people end up in positions of power? Must you be an asshole to go for the #top job'? Or must you have out with sufficient numbers of them in order to be convinced you can do this?

Well here we are. The Cancelling of Joe Rogan. Yesterday I caught this BBC presenter talking about him in almost gossipy tones - the same snooty tone that a better - marginally better- would use to not only destroy or tarnish the person they were gossiping about but also to reaffirm their position. It was wick. I was almost green with disgust. Boke. How can people talk like this? Did she think this was suddenly her podcast not a funded rate payer station? The BBC is gone. I hope they are. And they are earning every fucking red penny they can.  Yesterday we got a gig for the mid terms - in Killinchy. I hope it goes ahead. Fingers crossed. We are the flying forest school. We go anywhere where there is a Forest. I was shattered yesterday when I came home. I could barely speak to Ghin. I now listen to youtube before I sleep. I fall asleep listening to youtube a thing I was never able to do before. I am now my grandfather. Falling asleep in front of the TV, with the Radiofussion on. See...

It is impossible to put into words the delight I feel doing this. I am so so so lucky. My gratitude to the universe is unfathomable. The depth ... I was BORN to do this. When I do Forest School I am in my element literally. :) It feels like I am transported to another time and space. I feel like I am standing still in time. I am in my flow as they say. I am so grateful for everything, everything when I do Forest School. Yesterday was our return to the Quarries. And we were like coming home. We are now back here and we are happier than ever. We were welcomed back with gorgeous pink skies and an evening to die for. We will always remember this. Tell me that children do not need this. They are so hungry for nature. They are so hungry for the beauty of the place. They are hungry to be outside. To play with fire. To see the miracle of the seasons emerge and fade. Here we are... here we are. We kept it loose. We kept it chilled. Shelter buildin...

It has been a turbulent weekend. It is interesting when you as the complainant is suddenly asked to speak with the police. Even though you knew this it is worrying when this takes place because these actions have consequences.  I have begun to doubt myself but who will say something when so many keep silent? I would much rather be wrong in this case than to let things ride because I 'felt bad' - or perhaps because I was waiting for someone else to say something. I would much rather that. And if the consequence is being unpopular - have I ever been afraid of being unpopular? Being unpopular for the right reasons is better than the vice versa version of that. It is such a terrible tragedy though.  But it has to take place. The eye of the needle is what it is all about. The last day before the new year. I have not gathered myself and been able to celebrate this at all. I walk my own way. I tread my own path. I carry on trying to do the right thing.