Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

Crafting time again... soon the gingerbread houses will come out Singing in Holywood Gilgamesh work in ML book I have fifteen minutes to do this. Yesterday I watched the 4 episodes of Stranger Things  and then the film Train Dreams.  Both were the antithesis of each other. Train Dreams  was beautiful, but as always, I find it impossible to have any empathy for settlers... especially those who clear the land. In the end the land will return to where it was... minus a few things - but by and large, the earth will just continue as it is.  It's a truly gorgeous morning. I did some comparing yesterday for the school at the Holywood Lights Switch on and then I made an Advent Wreath. I felt like I was cheating on the Christian Community, but there you have it.  The wreath was the nicest one which I have made, but there you have it... the more you do something, even if it just once a year, the better you get at it. I'm now...

Yesterday, after school which was very full on as usual, I went to St Comgall's centre and watched the film about how Irish voices advocate for the Palestinians. It made me think of how fucked the world is now. How with the Gazan war, the Israelis have created two kinds of people - the one kind are the kind who think that bombing hospitals, schools, universities and raping prisoners to death is horrific. And the other kind, the kind which the Obamas and the Clintons and the van der Leyens and the Musks and the Theils - how they they that this is ok. The eggs that need to be broken. Who are even these people?  The red lines have all been crossed like they have never before. I do not think - maybe we have to go back as far as the Romans and Greeks to have barbarity which the Israelis have visited upon the Gazans - and the world looks on and splits into two. If in your mind, somehow, you have managed to justify the horrors which they have come with, then you are unwell. Yo...

Can't believe that its Thursday. This week has gone so fast... yesterday we did candle dipping and oops I have to buy some lentils for lentil curry to make with the class. I have the self raising flour already. I have coconut curry. And I have spices. So just lentils. I am so exhausted. I cannot even.

Our last evening... with head torches... We had a truly beautiful evening last night with the fun of head torches and a great fire to keep us warm. But it wasn't needed. A crisp, clear evening with skies draining of colour... Talking about men - I'm listening to the analysis of the poetry which RFK wrote to his mistress. It's awful. What is it about sex addicts? The cringe is off the scale. Her ex-fiancé found these poems and haw now released it on Substack.  I may have to leave this afternoon early to get the research on financial advise regarding the pension. I think I will. Right... going now.

Yesterday we had our new moon journeying session...it was great. There is something just so wonderful about journeying with the drum and bringing the self to centre. I didn't do much else apart from watch The Death of Bunny Munroe . I discovered as a result that Nick Cave had not just is son die at 15 in 2003 but his 30 year old son die at 31 from a drug overdose in a disgusting motel which was actually featured in the TV show - a disgusting motel. Matt Smith portrayed the protagonist in the series - a sex addicted man whose wife killed herself because she couldn't bear his disgusting behaviour, caring for a son whom she leaves behind. The child is 11 and he watches his father just go through the breakdown as a red horny devil comes after him, hitting him like a cement truck. I get it Nick, addiction sucks.  I enjoy listening to Nick Cave... Boatsman Call  holds lots of great memories for me. So many many great memories... and I talked a lot about his m...

I asked Ghin if he was pretending to be Epstein Ghin's story board Are you he? No, was the answer Gary sleeping beside me This week was mostly about Gaza, how Israel is losing support, yes!, how it is utterly degenerate and corrupt - most recently Obama's ex-speechwriter just completely exposed herself by saying, you can't have a rational conversation with young Jewish people because they are witnessing the carnage of children in Gaza... that was something else, eh? Then the Epstein files continued to drop and honestly... you can't make that shit up. Mark Epstein saying that Trump 'blew Bubba' - is Bubba Bill Clinton?... and Epstein's connections with Mossad, Israel, the Rothschild's... it's nuts, the whole thing is nuts. And then in the midst of everything, how these men, like actual grown men, want to have sex with children - what the fuck is wrong with them? What is the literal problem with these men...

Blackboard this week r We have had such a week. Honestly, I do not remember a week like it at all in the entirety of my school life. The levels of need in children and parents are insane. It is like everyone has lost their collective minds. I blame the fucking pandemic and the idiotic response which occurred. I have written about this so much I'm not going to go into it. I have had enough. Really really enough. BUT we had a good teaching week. A week where we so much progressed with numeracy and literacy. On Thursday and Friday all we did was write in out ML book. Kids drew and wrote and decorated and coloured. We worked on worksheets. We did a whole load of other things...  the gardening teacher told me that Class 5 was amazing. They worked so hard and then had a great discussion about what they should do about prepping the beds for winter.  And I'm making sure the class is taking the heat out of their play. For instance, I introduced the post game handshak...

General Merchants If there was a perfect day, yesterday was it. I collected Ghin early and he had a haircut. I had a sausage roll. Then we collected Oisin and went to General Merchants where they had huevos rotos...we then walked in Stormont and recalled all the good times. Oisin said, if he ever became a millionaire he would buy Barnetts Road back. Good times. Good times. The boys remember all the good times. We did have lots of good times there. But Peter decided that he was going to be with this other person and then had children with her and so we had to sell the house and get divorced. Good for him. After that I dropped the boys home... Oisin suggested that we watched Fury  a world war 2 film... I make it a point not to watch WW2 films because they are all about how fucking wonderful and allies are. However, by the time the film ended, I had to concede that it WAS a good film. It was antiwar and it showed that there were not winners in wars....

Work from my class yesterday. I collected Oisin yesterday and we chatted about Mercury Retrograde mishaps. We vented and commiserated and laughed. After which he told me he felt exalted. I said exonerated at the same time. He said, no exalted. I said, well exalted means joyful. Yes, he said, I feel joyful because I have been proved correct. I said, well that's exonerated. Will I google it he said? I said, well be my guest. There was a  lot of laughing and joking. The kind of sparring which I love. We both decided that today was not a gym day, although I told him that I did manage to clean the car which was a total mess. That was good. Cleaned the car. I also changed my sheets last night. That was also really good. I think I hadn't changed sheets since I came home...which is a couple of months. Gilgamesh is going well. It's hard to go wrong with a story which speaks to a kind of truth in our lives. So fa...

Yesterday I collected Oisin from work and after that we went to Decathalon and he bought a swimsuit and towel and then he went to the gym... and I went to run in one of the MOST UNPLEASANT places I have ever run in my ENTIRE LIFE. The harbour estate in the middle of winter at the peak of rush hour. Oh it was bad. But I did go running. I did it because I love Oisin. But it was perfectly horrible. But I ran. It was nuts. Then I came home and had a pork chop and fell asleep after a hot shower. I woke up around 9.30 pm and made the nicest soup I have ever had in my life. And that's saying quite a lot. A winter veg soup - and I have no idea how they combined these veg but it tasted so amazing it wasn't funny. I must go now... I got up at 6 am so not much time. And it's now 7 already and I'm sending Oisin to the train station as well and I'm going to go for a ruin again tonight.

It was so beautiful in the forest yesterday. I cannot believe I get to spend evenings sitting by the fire and cooking like some hag, laughing and chatting and just generally having a fab time. I transcribed one story yesterday and then had a good day teaching. I have honestly had enough with the entitled class of people. I have HAD it. Jac then wrote to me and told me that someone she knew had passed away. That's a lot of people from her sphere which have gone now. When I was in Singapore two people she knew died. I was really shocked. My mother was saying how sad she was about another person whom we knew passing... while we were in Singapore we attended her son's wedding - and she had developed bone cancer. I was really astonished.  What was going on? Some people say it's the vaccine. Others that it's the virus. Others say it's just the way things are now.  The only thing we do know is that we are going to die - so how you choose to spend your time - th...

Just a quick one... I have transcribed 26 stories. It is a year to the day when I wrote the one I just transcribed. They are all good. Well, I think so anyways. I will self publish them if no one else will. They are angry and needlessly insulting and really they take no prisoners. They are acts of vengeance and fury and they are all about how women have to needlessly suffer because of the stupidity of the patriarchy. But also they are a celebration of the power of the goddess. When I finish this, which I hope will be soon, I will have 34 stories. And then I will complete another 16 stories and I should have done this sooner, but I hope it will be done by the end of the year. I also have to do the zodiac calendar - to get that printed and annotated... That's easy really. It's getting the will - the woven will to work. There are over 200 pages now. It's pretty cool. I love spending this time to create the thing. That's all I need... 

  Apparently this is Demeter I'm about to lesson plan, but I want to say that I transcribed FOUR stories into the draft of the book today. Because I don't remember what I have written it is literally new to me as I type it out. Except for the Kali story. Some of these stories I have no idea where they are going. I will busy myself with the cards I have left to write about... it has been a good day. I did the shopping. Did some laundry. I organised a little bit. Realised I wasn't as far behind as I believed I was. It was very very nourishing. Very comforting. I now have over 190 pages of story... double spaced true. But they are good stories. Some better than others. I will sort them last minute. Oh my days - the silence and the peace... just soooo delicious. It is EXACTLY a year to the day when I wrote these stories... I can't believe I have waited a year to transcribe them! It's insane. But I have written over 20 stories - some longer than others...

  I drew this in 2013... My relationship with the will has transformed over the past few months. It was as if it has to go into remission and it now reemerging again. It used to be very much a choleric feeling of everything needs to be done at once... extremely business like and very utilitarian. I think it is the result of being Singaporean and of course being myself. But it is shifting... I have had to let it fall - especially in the past few months... and now... now it is coming back... but differently. It is gentler and sweeter. More pottering about than rushing about. It has nothing to prove. Nothing. And there is no fear in the things which I am doing any longer. I think that's it. I no longer have this fear in my life. I have done what I need to do and no longer feel that I have anything to prove. Everything I do from now on is entirely for myself. I am almost in my last seven year phase and it is so cool. I have been transforming my etheric - that's what's been happ...

  Rock of Cashel Having written a few posts and this being my third, I have found equilibrium again. I do know I must run once more... and I do know that I must write and play piano and... and... and draw and I have so so much to be done. But nice much that needs to be done. Things which take me to myself. Within myself. Tughclay Portal Tomb - David Pritchard Now that I have reconnected with writing and feel that I have tuned the frequency in correctly... but just before I do anything, I want to say that over the past two and a half years, I have been in absolute bits with the genocide in Palestine. I also want to say that the entire Sudan thing, as grotesque as it maybe, it to pull focus from Gaza as well. That there is a genocide in Sudan as well, which is escalating to distract people from the horrors of Gaza is obscene.  But this heartbreak which has gone on for the past two and a bit years has torn me up utterly. My sleep, by peace of mind, my everything has been shredded...

Cliffs of Moher I have been learning to just be quiet.  If I have any relief, it is the relief of not having to do anything after a certain time of day. It is strange how people measure their idea of productivity. I have been productive - and now this is my sabbatical. My very quiet year. The year to stand still and to not reflect, cos, fuck that, to just ENJOY the quiet. Even during the holidays this year, I was essentially looking after Ma and Pa. That's fine, but it was not a holiday. This is my holiday now and I will take it. I love this freedom to do things I want OR not to do things I want. It is free, you know.  I got up today and had leftover caramelised cheese for breakfast on toast... fondue cheese. Then I watched Severence  or I tried to at least - and I found it very slow and I fell asleep. I think after a certain age, there are literally no new stories left anymore. It was a cross between The Trial by Kafka and ... The Office . The absurdity of the office... ...

Well, it has been only just downtime, enjoying the peace and quiet. Watching lots of TV and eating fondue cooked by Oisin. This week, it was so funny... I was so tired when I collected Oisin on Friday and he said, I wonder if Mercury is in Retrograde? And I said, OMG maybe Mercury IS in retrograde... and wouldn't you know it, Mercury IS in retrograde from 9 to 29 November. Well, what does that mean he asked... well I said, it means you have to be careful around communication, accidents, starting new things, friendships and relationships. The best thing to do in Mercury Retrograde is to sit, be still and take stock. Time is a luxury no one can afford, apparently. EXCEPT ME!!! YAY!! When I look back on my life, I always think, hey, I kinda did that first - tried things out. I was there.  And it was good. I've also been thinking about the New Moon work - and how people don't seem to be interested, and then it hit me, ah, I understand now - p...

Well, it was bound to happen. Over the past two weeks I have been out and at gigs and doing loads... and now it is all catching up with me. I never used to have stomach bugs but now I get them all the time. I wonder if its just this year's manifestation of the cold or what. This entry won't be long. Just to place a marker here and to day that I do great work with those children every single day. I am not going to take notes from a rube who has no idea what they are talking about. The kids are fine, they are thriving and if someone wants to tell me different, they are welcome to go. I will stand over the children and protect them with my life, even if that means having to go up against idiots. 

Just to place a marker here on the day. Then to do the lesson plan. I am completely exhausted. Mostly having to sort out parents who won't parent.  Who just don't get it. I really don't know what to say to some of these parents. It drives me insane. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. I'll do the lesson plan and then just see where it takes me.

Truly amazing film. The Brits are fucks You could have been watching The Wind That Shakes the Barley . They are twins. It was so poignant watching it in Belfast, a place which has been crucified by the fucking Brits, but not as much as Palestine - simply because the EU did step in and the Free State also part of the EU said, that's enough now. Enough of this shit. The terrorism, the corruption... even hinting at child abuse... the girl who was let go was probably raped, the boy would have been sexually abused by that captain. The implication all loaded, all there. And a million times, British writers, European writers, have spoken about their love for CHILDREN. It honestly doesn't bear thinking about - but this idea that transgression is a thing which very rich and powerful people do as a kind of initiation to bring about some kind of collective shared filthy secret... that is the point of secret societies. It doesn't matter that they don't call them that - ...

It was so beautiful yesterday - we headed to Aldergrove and we stood there in the sun shine. Every now and then someone would honk and we would wave and cheer. It was quite popular. People would honk every minute or so. And then there were people who would shake their heads in disapproval. There were a few funny things... So the three people who spoke at the demo were one Palestinian and two English people. Which seemed ironic. The second English person was a veteran who fought in Iraq who joined up when she was 20 and then realised it was a load of bollocks. However, after watching Barramulla  you can see how easily people are radicalised. The Palestinian woman spoke very well. We did a few cheers. One in Irish which I understood!! Amach hEitlean Coagh - War planes out. They even had one in Malay and Irish! Which just about sums up my life! The photo being above. After that being with Liz and chatting about everything. It was amazing listening to her life. We a...

Yesterday we had a lovely day. After having had a semi awful day due to my feeling about how life seems so fucked now. Where is anyone's place in any of this? I don't think anyone knows really. Well, I think this year is a quiet year. I have always told myself I am living a quiet life, but I'm not really living and quiet life. I need to focus on what's good for me. I am truly exhausted. No wonder Steiner said that teachers should take sabbaticals. When I am in this room, I am at peace. Truly, I am. Looking out at the garden and just admiring the stillness. I now use this room more than I use the study upstairs. It has been such a crazy year.  When I look back on it, it began with the unexpected trip to Singapore, then it was school. However... I must must must take time to take time. Right. Bringing up children is not easy, but then again, we all did not have good role models. We only knew what we knew. I have only managed...

I have to say that since school began, I have been feeling at a total loss. So much so that it has taken over quite a lot of my otherwise rather ideal life. My life is ideal. I have two wonderful sons, I have jobs I love, I know who I am and am settling into that wonderfully, I have my health, most of the time, and weirdly the world seems very obvious to me now. It wasn't always like this of course. Having a man is neither here nor there, but, like I have said, I am not willing to sacrifice my peace of mind for a project. I have enough projects. And right now the man project - I have come to the end of the road with that one. I no longer have the patience which it takes to nurture someone through their mess. If you are mess free and want to hang up, well and good. Otherwise, forget it.  There are other things like having a roof over my head, enough money to do things I enjoy, just being able to access things which mean things to me. I have never been interes...

I will never forget doing Mesopotamia for the first time. I had no idea what to expect. Like Rome, it was one of the Ancients which I had no idea about. That and Persia. I just recall being left cold by the stories... and in some ways I still feel quite disconnected to it, but really over the years, especially through Inanna and the work I have done with astronomy, I have developed an affection for it. Also I have become a better teacher and am able to guide the students more effectively. Like yesterday we did cuneiform and harvested our own reeds. We are also killing it with the maps. We are getting good at reading maps. All our work is slowly diverging INTO each other. We are being reintroduced to Fractions and it is a delight to see that most of the students have remembered what they are and how they work. We lived so deeply with them that it was just awesome.  Everyday, bit by bit, we learnt more and more... and after three weeks, it was awesome. That is the magic o...

I'm booked in for a few more gigs - one of them being this Friday - and a film on Monday. I am finally finally coming together... Well... I hope I am. Having half boiled eggs and toast - very Singaporean breakfast which has become prohibitively expensive these days. Everything is. But then food used to be very expensive. That was because it was difficult to produce and scarce. That is no longer the case. Yesterday I came home and I was exhausted. I barely watched Yellowstone . Siuban came with her granddaughter and we chatted some. I'm always aware of keeping children as adults chat. I remember just being totally bored when adults talked amongst themselves and just assumed that I would be ok listening when it was very boring for me. After that I was supposed to get Oisin but his phone had died. So I just ended up having an early night. I did look at insurance. That was good. I need to sort the house insurance as well. I'm doing ok by way of money. But just ok. The girls wan...