Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

What a day! I am sunburnt! Just applied some rose water and avocado oil to the face. One side's redder than the other, giving me the fashionable 'slapped' - or is it slapper? - look. Judith took myself and the boys for a walk amongst the bluebells of Redburn country park. And what a cascade, a cacophony of bluebells. So many that the air was tainted with their sweet, gentle scent. This is what blue on a summer's day is like. It doesn't feel like 1 May, but 1 July. It's July with a nip as the wind still blows cold, cool. We marvelled at it. and at the wonder of being alone with that treasure. Far below us Belfast City with its harbour and across from us the glens of Antrim starting on its crumpled way along the coast. It was so silent. If they had put a hideous shopping mall the place would have been thronging, but because it was a marvel far greater, no one was there. Yesterday, as we whizzed through the outer ring, i blessed the many parks that surrounded Belf...

The house is a disaster zone. Police should come round a put yellow tape around it. I am trying my best to be philosophical about it. Like, the mess can be cleaned up, but time giggling witn Ghin never will be redeemed. Or, it's far more important to be linient with Oisin than to yell at him about upsetting a cup of juice. It sounds easier than it is to practise it. I told myself that i will clean the house today after Ghin goes to sleep. It's midnight and i made some progress with the laundry, but i'm afraid that Ghin woke twenty minutes into the cleaning and thought that i had kindly scheduled extra playtime. So i'm here now with him on my lap, typing, because the other thing that i told myself was i want to blog everday. Because believe it or not people read the blog daily, and it'll be nice to write anyway. because i don't even do my journal, nevermind the novel, and at the very least i could keep a decent blog...the pix is of Ghin at 2 am. It's tough be...

It was hot in Belfast today. So hot. We spent time together as family, doing family type things. Rare enough and so to be savoured. We drank frappes in Cafe Arizona, dropped Oisin to karate and dandered - a Derry word to mean walked - about the Spring Home and Gardens Exhibition where Peter picked up brochures on wooden offices which he hopes to build in QP and conservatories which we hope to build in Barnett's Road. Then we went to B&Q to buy spray paint for Oisin's cars. Transformers are all the rage now and his car and airplane were sprayed to look like Hot Rod/Rodimus/Hot Shot. As i said, ordinary enough things, but when it is done so rarely, it's savoured with delight. Peter then cleaned the house, washed the dishes and did some tidying - and i'm sure that Anna looked down and beamed at her son's sparkling porcelain. Oisin, Ghin and i then went off to Marie's and we spent a couple of hours chatting and exchanging news. Alphonso mangoes are now in season...

It has been weeks since i have written in my journal. Days pass and i notice - but not in the same way i used to notice them passing. They are now marked with the increaing alertness of Ghin and the incredible charm of Oisin. Parents love to boast about their children, it's only natural. They fall in love with them. I have deeply fallen for my two sons and each day brings a special moment - many special moments, like some untiring gifting. Over the last three days, we have had plenty of time to think about family. With Peter's mother's passing, we have individually been able to think about those closest to us and what we value most in our lives. There is no question in mine what i value. I fight hard to hold on to these. It isn't always easy. Ghin's crying can try the limits of anyone's patience - and his refusal to go to anyone else makes it physically exhausting. Not to mention my now taking to buses and no longer putting him in prams. He must be carried at al...

Spending a lazy day at home. Just me and Ghin. Here's some pixes. Ghin examining the first dandelions and Oisin with him. How both have grown!!

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-- you alone-- will have the stars as no one else has them--" "What are you trying to say?" "In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!" And he laughed again. "And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing ...

This was a pix taken before our wardobe got put up. I painted this for Oisin when he was a child and he was quite sorry to see it covered up. He such a sweetie. Yesterday he came home from Crazy Golf and said, i have something for you mom. It better be nicer than a very large spider, i said, refering to the ginormous spider i had saved for him which i had found in the bath when we got home from Donegal. He brought his hands to the front and revealed a rose, in the height of flower, which he had picked from someone's garden. I fall in love with that boy everyday. Ghin and Oisin are asleep now. It's been a difficult Easter for many reasons, but one of them is Peter's mother who is very ill. We went for a walk in Kinnegoe Bay and once again i asked for guidance from spirit. As i stood at the gates and sang to the sea with Ghin in my arms, i was reminded that preparing to become one of the anscestors was a great honour and tremendous previlge and that as we prepare for the jour...

Just some pictures because i don't have time to update.

It is time to vaccinate Ghin. Shite. The last time we wnet through this Peter and i had a great falling out. I finally capitulated and took Oisin to see the doctor. She gave him his MMR jab in his leg and within 24 hours it had swelled to the size of a cherry. I went back and she said it was a good thing i had because if i had waited any longer she would have had to operate. In this case, all he took was an antibiotic for the infection and that was the end of the vaccination debate. Oisin has only ever had one DPT and one MMR jab. In fact i'm not sure if he has had his MMR. And they come regularly, these letters telling us to go for his jabs. And i ignore them. Peter hasn't been proactive either, although he does from time to time complain about it. You take him, i tell him. You want him to get jabbed you take him to get jabbed. And now it's Ghin's turn. My instincts and commonsense, as well as all the literature i've read on it, tells me that jabbing is a dangerous...

Looking at the previous picture and Ghin looks like he has his cheeks stuffed with cotton wool ala Marlon in Godfather.

We give so much to our chldren - we really do. Mothers i know pay a kind of insurance now so that their babies will grow up happy, whole, cared for - most of all, by themselves. Oisin says that i love him, Peter loves him, Ghin loves him and he loves himself. That is important i say, it is important that he loves himself and yet...oh the surprising things that you learn about yourself when you have someone who depends so wholly on you...like now he has started taking up mannerisms which are not his, which are imitated and it's driving me nuts. The streetsmarts that you get in cartoons, in other children, it makes me want to throttle him. When did my little darling become an obnoxious twerp? Was that supposed to happen before his sixth birthday? When did he start talking back like that? And it gets WORSE???? Surely not. And this desire to throttle him? How did i feel when my mother disapproved of what i did, and yet, yet, isn't it my responsibility at some stage to stop him from...

Hi there, a whole lot of new pixes to upload but i'm not at the computer upstairs. Just came back from cafe with Ghin and he's sleeping outside. So a few things about him now. He definitely HATES the car. His sleeping in it a mere concession to us petrolheads. When he can he yells continuously and then goes to sleep. He loves outdoors. After his morning feed he loves being put outside and can sleep another hour or so. It is the only time he sleeps without me. He is voracious. He feeds up to four hours in the afternoon and then wants somemore. He loves 80s music. He loves the beach. He despises confined noisy spaces - like smoky pubs. I have never known a baby to have so many likes and dislikes. I can see trouble ahead. Babies are supposed to be simple, carefree souls. Not Ghin. Peter's mom is very ill. She has chirrosis of the liver - is tht how you spell it? - and we have cancelled the trip to Tory. Instead we'll head to Derry and stay there for a bit. Beautiful beache...

Here's Oisin in the TARDIS. Wearing pajama bottoms. Peter's sister Angela and her hubby Hugh. Carrying Ghin. Ghin has settled somewhat. I say somewhat because he still cries when i'm not there after 10 minutes - which is an improvement on the previous no time at all. I have managed to organise myself with some homemade mayonnaise which i have slathered all over my face. It's a face mask, and i'm wearing it now. I also have my head wrapped in clingfilm, under which is a whole pack of henna. I take it that Oisin has fallen asleep cos Peter has left the room and is off to the kitchen. It was a fantastic day to hold a gathering. I've decided that from now on, we are to have friends over every Sunday. It gives us something to do. If we were churchgoin' folk, we would have had church followed by visitations and food. But since we are not churchgoin' folk, we need to bring the company and bustle which church ould otherwise have given us. I cooked thai green cur...

Here's Oisin as the new Doctor. I can now retire happily. He is sucking on his ice pop and wants to say - watch out you daleks