#49.20 - There are more things in heaven and earth than dreamed of...

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Artist unknown

I spent most of today sleeping - I was really so tired. At some point I wondered to myself, is there something wrong with me? Maybe I should get tested... but I don't want to be told I have low iron levels. Everything is slowly falling apart anyway. The entire world is falling apart.

I know I keep on saying this, but it is really happening. Our second extreme storm in two weeks. It doesn't matter, what matters are my sons. That matters.

I am not going to pretend everything is ok. I'm not going to pretend that things have improved in general since five years ago, cos they haven't. Five years ago we were mere innocents. Now we live in a world in which no one trusts each other and everyone is terrified of what appears to be a fairly straightforward virus.

I have a plan for the next year, three years and the next five years. It will take me to my mid 50s. I have this vision of what I will be. I feel tired right now, which is so unlike me really. 

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Trudi Finch

So I must overcome my tiredness. It is my exhaustion which is letting me down. I must overcome that. The iron really helps but maybe I need a higher dose.

I must start running again first thing in the morning. 

As usual bear traps are being laid in the form of laundry. It is quite something else. One puts things into the washing machine and doesn't bother taking it out. Then someone else has to use the washing machine and therefore must take the laundry out to either dry or leave it for one to take it out and dry. This has been going on for four weeks now. There is four weeks worth, a pile of undried laundry. I don't say anything for fear of being shouted at. So it is just there, waiting to be rewashed and hung out. It about sums up, it is a metaphor for one's life. It is quite something. I am really bored of being shouted at. Really bored at being made the bad guy. REALLY REALLY BORED.

This evening I will tidy up this area and the kitchen and the tomorrow after the run I'll hoover the house and catch up with the laundry. My own laundry and the boys' isn't too bad. It is ok.

Yesterday Emma and I went to the American Bar. It was so nice to hear the music being played. It was really quiet for a Friday night. Maybe everyone was getting loved up for Valentine's Day. A day i have never really celebrated for one reason or another. Yesterday was no different I guess. Except that I was there with a best friend. A good friend. 

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