#31.20 - Resetted

It will be a long time before we ever see its like again
The Blake exbihition
Dante flees from the three beasts

That's everything reset now. I know exactly what I'm doing this week and I'm going running tomorrow morning. I'm getting up at 4 to write. I'm going to complete my lesson plans for the week and for tomorrow tonight. So it's all awesome.

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It is tomorrow now. We watched Wonder Woman last night. It was pretty dreadful. For some reason everyone loved it. I did not love it. Neither myself nor my sons loved it. I wonder is this because we three have left out a whole genre, a subspecies of films which were targeted at women and therefore have no familiarity with the tropes and expectations. For one, the protagonist - Wonder Woman was such a poor actor - but they all were so poor. It was a bit like a porn film where the acting is so poor because that it not the point of the film. The point of a porn film is to see the actors have sex. The point of this film was to see Wonder Woman in her teeeny tiny skirt. Ironically, the part where she and the male protagonist - Steve Trevor get together you don't see that. I wonder if the whole thing was kept so shallow because it was supposed to be comic book shallow. It was SUPPOSED to be superficial and idiotic. Ugh. Anyways. That was a total waste of time.

Gal Gadot is not a good actor. The entire island of the Amazons was really very VERY boring. The things I told the boys about the Amazons were far more interesting than what went on in the film. It was so so so boring. In the end we just sat in there until it was over. At no point did the film ever improve. Nope. None. It was terrible. It just sat there like a damp rag.

t depresses me how awful things are - in terms of people spending money and wasting it. I'm pretty sure that it took Homer no money at all to put the Iliad together. I think this has got to be my ambition. To create great art for very little. Because art is not about money - it is about being alive, it is about being a human being, it is about taking our place is the life of this world. I am actually sick and tired of people using money as an excuse. It is BORING.

Yes sure, you need a lot of money to make a nuclear power station but to write a song for the joy of it? It has corroded people. I understand as much as the next person why you would want to stop people from exploiting artists, but there also has to a point where artists also say, yes I create because I love it. This is my gift.

Anyway, the idea of an artist is a stupid one. We are all artists. We are all capable of producing art. Being creative.

GOD - it is SO NICE to turn up here and write. FINALLY, once again.

Today, after I come home I am doing the laundry. Actually, I will do it now. After all my whinging, It only took me a couple of hours to get everything done. So fucking typical. I put it all off because I think it will take forever and it takes no time at all.

I got into bed last night, delighted with myself. And slept so well. It was glorious.

Also, when I don't write I notice that my sense of self starts to disappear. I begin to trust in myself a whole lot less. I become really idiotic. I feel like I have done nothing. Then I have to pull myself together and realise I have done plenty. But when I am writing this sense of self stays centred. I don't know how people do it if they can't write. And there are two types of writing for me now - my blog which I can share with the public - I try to be as honest as possible - and my journal where I work out the deepest darkest thoughts. Where I am being very very dark sometimes. Where I scream into my journal to get all that out of me. Where I hide my shame. It is like my confessional. And then after that I breathe a sigh of relief and get on. Somethings are better left hidden.

Waking at 4 is right. So I can write creatively. I was watching the Rise of Empires last night - it was about the Ottomans. To be honest I spent the whole of yesterday going from one Ancient History lecture to another. It began with the Battle of Issus and then I did some ancient Rome, some Ancient Persia, some Ancient Greece... it was incredible, to piece together these things. Stitching them. Realising how close everything was to each other. How we have framed this as a clash of civilisations but really it is nothing of the sort - it is just wars getting larger and larger. Ghin and I watched it together and he was also totally involved. I said, you know this was the moment when the Renaissance was kick started. Well, to be honest it had been going on for a few hundred years, but with the fall of Constantinople, Rome because the centre of Christianity.

I loved it. LOVED it. This has put me in an infinitely good mood. Right. I am going to wash the dishes and then go for my run. I can feel myself returning.