#45.20 - Sustaining

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Image may contain: possible text that says 'No matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around. Inspired OfB ddhism เชน్ 1OB'
Yep

It will be busy today. And today is the day I get on top of EVERYTHING. This weekend is the weekend everything gets put back in place. This is it. I have finally gathered the wherewithal, the understanding, the tools, I have understood and reconciled. It is done.

I think that we tend to go through life not really questioning why we do what we do. So we end up in places which are then strange and odd. And before we know it is it over. I try not to do that. I know what I was doing the past seven years. I was looking after my sons and trying to teach. I think I succeeded somehow. And now... a new chapter is beginning. 

It has not been easy - but here I am.

My morning pep talk.

The thing is that sometimes, people appear like human beings, but then it turns out, they are not. They are human beings, but they are so broken and ugly that in order to preserve your sanity you must keep them out. You must. They appear from time to time like you could trust them, but then after you have let your guard down, the don't just enter and rape and pillage, but if at all possible they leave you eviscerated. They end up filling the entire place with shit and you are once again, left to pick up the pieces. I must never EVER forget that. Never EVER expect anything beyond the ugliness. And I know I will survive this, and my sons will survive this, and I will be able to tell the tale.

I will have lived to have seen a new day.

So, I want to think about the world and how it has changed in the intervening seven years.

For a start, the rise of tech is inexorable. This is probably the most significant part. Many of the skills which human beings were used for is now being replaced by machines. It is the next step and if it works - and why would it work? - because people are fucking useless that's why and don't believe in themselves, or have been taught to not believe in themselves - then the future of humanity is entirely in jeopardy. Or it could be a utopia. It could seriously go either way.

Or not at all.

So I have two pieces of work to do.

1. Understand what my relationship is to this

2. Understand how I am to contribute, where the contribution is going to be

3. How much I need to work towards this

I believe in the expression of anthroposophy's idea of the mission. The mission is to help each other and the Earth to spiritualise. To work with elemental forces to bring about caring and love to each other.

It is poetic, but also literal to me. We are evolving as the tenth hierarchy. We are to be at our best. I suddenly understood why I have been sneered at for my sacrifice - especially the financial one. I suddenly understand this. Why does anyone sneer at anyone? Because they threaten their sense of self, of course. My willingness to undertake the personal sacrifice in terms of money and status exposes the lie, the hypocrisy. My willingness to serve and attempts at authenticity are affronts to his vainglory. And hollowness. That is why. He thinks it is painful, it is not painful - it is perplexing and puzzling and weird. And now I know why.

It is a joke really.

A total joke.

Imagine being a complete joke. Knowing that your life is a lie. Wow. Imagine that. 

So, into this new world, it is more important than ever that I understand a True North. The really awesome thing is that everything is now available. You can learn to do anything really. It is now all available. So many things which were unique to Steiner are now readily available on the Internet. This and more. The watercolour painting, felting, forest school, the main difference is that it is missing the spiritual component and without that, it is hollow. It is critical that the spiritual component is there, it is what the difference. But that can be taught. It can be held.

So, this is me for the foreseeable future.

The plan I had is the a good one and I'll just continue that. If I carried out one tenth of it that would be awesome.

So, today, lesson planning, then school. After school I head to a caf to plan things and then I do FS things. Clean the house here. Sort out papers... next week is gonna be the big week to get everything done.

No photo description available.
Like the sun in the sky
Every day sends its light to the earth
So must my soul every day
Waking up to the right actions
To be a whole person:
In body, soul and spirit
In time and eternity.

Rudolf Steiner.
Help me to do the right thing my Angels. Sometimes I feel too tired to do this. But please help me.

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