8.4.24 - Adrenaline dip

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Ghin at work

More work

Me at work

More work

Much more work

Yes more work again

Drying hammocks

It has been a busy enough few weeks... tomorrow we are back to school. What did I do? Well I organised the garage on Saturday and Sunday. I organised the coat cupboard which I go into all the time now since I can go into it. It is soooo neat and clean! I organised my forest school things. I organised the piano room which I have been using as well. I did loads of mending. I watched lots of TV. I watched sooo much TV... I have lost track the number of shows I did watch.

I ran. I ran and ran and ran. I ran 5 km everyday - except the Wed, Thurs and Fri when I came home and collapsed. I am now down to 40 mins for 5 km. I'm going to get down to 30 mins for 5 km and then I'll bring it up to 6 km. I am stretching every time after the run. I am fitting into outfits I haven't fitted into in years.

I have also decided I am not going to watch stupid videos about narcissism which I stupidly watched which made me start to think, am I a narcissist? I did use that one phrase, no one will love you as much as I do - not in a manipulative way, but as a statement of fact. But by and large I really don't think I am a prime sized asshole. I don't manipulate people. I hate it when I am being manipulated so I don't do it to other people.

But yes, I am no longer watching videos about it, as it makes me insane.

I have not drunk now for... I don't know anymore to be honest... almost 4 months? And it is only just now I am getting back my life...

I feel myself again. I don't ever want to feel that way again. That out of control anymore. It is pointless.

I rewatched Apocalypse Now again... well it might as well have been for the first time. The film has been remastered and restored and looks amazing. But also the acting and directing - it was a time when people were taking risks and really putting them out there. People were actually being hurt while they were filming it and the actors were channeling all the injustice and stupidity and rage and confusion and disappointment of the Vietnam War. What war is ever good? Why are people such assholes?

Israel is losing the war - after so many Palestinians have died. They are something else these Israelis. They really cannot understand what it is they are doing wrong.

Right ... time to do some school work. I have loads to do as well by way of banking and admin. 

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