#9 - #9

I cleaned the house yesterday. It took me almost four hours. It was nice to get it reset. The feeling was unbeatable. Hoovering, dusting, laundry - kitchen... and the best part of all - airing the house. Letting the fresh morning in. Also letting the birdsong in - I could hear the beginnings of spring. I cannot believe it is almost 8 am. I was listening to the conversation - a conversation - with Paul Kingsworth, Charles Eisenstein and this other bloke whose name I do not know about this thing they call The Machine and the pandemic and how the division between the people who have had a vaccine and the people who have one. It was nice to hear a middle point of view - which wasn't Left nor Right. But about ethics and how we treat each other. I have to say while I did agree with them I am also quite bored of hearing men talk. After all is said and done they have not really brought insight. The best they have done is either made me think nah or yeah. 

I spent the rest of the day just lying on the sofa after the mad amount of housework done and watching TV - The Other Woman which although because they use so many non-white actors looks quite interesting on the face of it, it is really quite dull and slightly racist. It was interesting though that the public services were portrayed as so useless. I wonder if it was because the women were not entire white. Once again as with so many films about houses, the frustration of why does she stay comes up. There is something about the haunted house isn't there? Something about the repulsion and fascination - in equal parts, in equal measure. The threshold between wondering and knowing. Perhaps that is our real horror.

So it was good to just get the house sorted... it felt great.

And to be able to clean unencumbered with all the windows opened. That felt great too.I didn't have to throw many things out. It is interesting without a sense of smell. I did not realise how much I relied on it to tell me if something was still edible or not. If something was going wrong - like a pan being left on or a potential fire... it has been very strange not having one. After a modest recovery I have gone back to having no sense of smell. It is most frustrating.

Very annoying.

It has also killed my appetite. So that is also weird. I eat, but really not very enthusiastically. It is a bit pointless. At least half or not 85% of all joy from food comes from it tasting well. The rest is survival. Perhaps this is a metaphor for life - what is the point of having a joyless life? What is the point of simply existing?

And once again I feel exhausted. Really tired... What WILL I do today?