#2 - #2

It has been difficult for me to find any enthusiasm for this year. Whatever I had in terms of my own resources I now find depleted and worn out. I did manage to get the divorce admin in order which is great, as well as Forest School admin so that was great. I got that sorted. And then I also managed to sort the house out - somewhat - but the Covid still had its tail - the taste has not quite returned and I am now tired by small things. Also perhaps the exhaustion has also made me fed up with everything. It kinda feels like I have been left behind - and that people are excited about stupid things. There is nothing new under the sun and yet people find the time to get excited about things which have happened a million times before.

It is true I am complete fed up with everything. I dunno where I am going to find the motivation to find anything remotely interesting with this year. It is like why would I even bother to do anything, seriously why?

On top of everything else - well... it feels like the choices I made thinking I was doing them in good faith it feels like I am being punished for them. Yes don't mind me feeling blah. Don't mind me at all. I'm sure that I will get over it at some point.

It is remarkably warm now. A strange weather. Also that does not help. So this is the state the world is in right now.

First, there is a massive gulf between the very rich and the very poor. Most depressingly people who are in charge don't seem to think this is an issue. So this will probably ride out for some time to come. That is without the biggest disappointment of the state of the world.

The second biggest disappointment is the state which the natural world is in. There is so much on it out there there is no point talking about it.

Thirdly, the entire Covid debacle - who knows where that is going. With any hope they will realise what a futile pointless exercise the entire thing was and forget it sooner rather than later. AND the whole vaccine thing will fall by the wayside. The vaccine that did not work. That would have never been able to work.

Fourthly, the rampant materialism and consumerism. Which is exacerbated by the creation of the virtual universe. This is the most depressing. The amount of effort that is going into the creativity of making life the way it is...

Fifthly, the take over of the world by the millennials. I know I have said I am annoyed with them, but I am also annoyed with the Boomers who betrayed the planet and my generation who just followed them blindly, the millennials who have no imagination - apart from their brief dalliance with all this hipster and artisan, and their obsession with Star Wars and the Marvel cinematic universe. They really are the generation that never grew up.

I don't know what the solution for the last thing is but certainly the idea that authentic also means fay and pretentious is diametrically opposite for me. I think it started as something meaningful and then got lost along the way. Maybe like the way the boomers got corrupted. That's one thing my generation never had to content with. We could never sell out because we never questioned anything. It was the great continuity for us.

Sixthly I am complete frustrated with myself. Hopefully having dug myself out of the divorce paperwork hole I will feel better about myself. The last two years have been unending frustration led by the Covid pandemic and then by Peter. What I need to do is recognise the good things in my life and take it from there.