#28 - #28

Today I saw this quote on Facebook. I have seen it many times before but it really hit home today.

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness in the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally., extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” 

~ L.R. Knost

(art by Christian Schloe)

I have never felt better about this - mostly due to the supplements, but also having avoided Elements for the past two months it feels amazing again to pick it up. I have never ever lost hope but I did lose it for a while back there in January. 

This January. The thing about being lost is that you feel like it is forever. As if you can never emerge from this monstrous mess. The thing about being lost is that you are in the dark and there is no map. This feeling of lost is not the lost you feel when you go to a new city or a new place. There the feeling is excitement, discovery. This feeling of lost was about failure. It was grieving and it was heartbreak. 

The other huge change is Ghin. Ghin is not a little baby anymore. He is 15 and he has survived some really hard times. He has started stepping away from me and I have to let him go. I let him go with a grieving but happily grieving heart. You can grieve happily. That grieving is the grief of someone unprepared even though I had prepared for it since he was born. All my choices were made for this day, this moment. All my choices have led me to place him at the centre of my life and now that centre is slowly but too swiftly leaving - I have gestated and birthed the child for another 14 years outside of me and now he is to start to come into his own. Just like preventing the birth of a child would kill the mother and baby, so to preventing this birth, wanting to hold on to it for too long will result in the death not only of the new, but also of the past. Because there is no past. There is only us standing in the stream of time.

And time rushes about us... time brings us forward and back... we are only leaves floating in its current of illusion.

It is hard to believe that more than 4,000 years ago we came up with the Mahabaratha. That scale of imagination, intuition and artistry has really not been matched in literature since. There have been some attempts but the insight and the story, the allegories and metaphors - at some point there was a group of people who came up with this glorious moment in literature. And we have been unable to match their insight. We can only ever return to it and dip in, get some kind of depth and then reemerge. Dazed. We have already done that. We have already been there. We have already seen it all. And the Mahabarata is evidence of it.

We do not need to poke around and thrash about like eejits. We have already been given insight. All we need to do is be able to listen and build on it.

Yesterday I had to hold the class more soundly. The natural restraints of being new have worn off and now they are being silly. It is ok. We can do this. They are incredible they really are. I can do this.