#22.21 - The end of January

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This is the last week of January. Yesterday I got some of my mojo back. I completed the drawing of February and am now able to move on to March which has to be the salmon of knowledge and the constellation of Pisces. I thought I could do the constellation using the nine hazel nuts of wisdom. Can't there are more than 9 stars in the constellation. Well I will just keep going and see what I can find.

I realise I have been defeated. Or rather I have been proven wrong by the crowds. It's ok. If people want to just be mesmerised by what's going on they can do that. I will just keep burrowing in my little cocoon. I don't care anymore. It's ok. I will just keep creating beauty and reading and writing and dreaming. And sanity - sanity on a collective level is for another life. I understand this now.

I will just have to exist as best I can between the cracks. Try and see what tomorrow brings.

From today onwards I will only work the hours which I owe the school. I will record this carefully. So for instance, I will have to mark things - the marking will be short because it is now a quiz. But the creativity aspect of this lockdown must be my priority. And creativity means being in touch with people. Feeling like I am reaching out to friends and looking after my friends.

And the boys, of course. And then after all that, work and creativity.

And the divorce. I need that sorted today.

So that is what I am going to do this year. This is the year of the warren. The cubby hole. The fur lined inside. The beating of the womb. This is that year. The year where I look after and take care of the most immediate things I can take care of and just leave the crazy outside and not bother anymore. For the sake of my mental health I must do that or, as in the words of King Lear, I will go mad. 

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