#21.21 - Days drifting (no more)

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I don't have the energy, the wherewithal to take hold of these days, these drifting days. It is all too too easy to let them go - float one day at a time - each day a meaningless passing, each day something which is marked by the fleeing of the sun.

Disbelief is now too easy. I am tired. I am fed up. I am annoyed. I am tired, fed up and annoyed by how shallow and facile people are. How they cannot see beyond the maya. How they are so easy fooled, so easily taken in. How they are relieved about the most stupid things. How people cannot see the real point of things. So, instead of being sad about this, I need to focus on me seeing and doing and liking what I want. Creating what I want. And increasingly I am seen as eccentric or on the wrong side of history. Do I care? No. No I do not care. No I do not want to bow to any pressure. By nature I am both cautious but also certain. I act once I am certain. Before that I do not.

And so, today I now enter the new incarnation. I know a few things.

I know what I am capable of.
I have everything that I need.
I will be positive. 

Today I told Ghin, there is no point regretting the past or fearing the future. We give thanks for the past and we look forward to the future with excitement. This is what I have to do. I have to take my own medicine. And so the days will no longer drift. I will take them by the reins and create the days for myself. I will complete my drawing today and then I will do what I said - clean the house, do my school lessons... another million million things to do. Another million million wonderful pieces of life. I will not feel despair. I will feel a deep sense of ability and knowing. The knowing that I am right. I am going to bring this together.

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