#11.21 - Here we are again

I am just about done with this stupid form of doing anything. Honestly I've had enough. Pretending to be doing things when really, nothing is being done. This manufacturing of a crisis because they don't want to solve the real one: neoliberalism. 

Capitol Hill was stormed by Trump supporters. It is interesting cos after years of looking down at them they have proved that the dispossession and the prejudice and the clever clever, well that's just not gonna wash anymore. We had Brexit they now have... armed violence. Will we have armed violence too? No, we have no guns, so we will be ok. And it pisses me off when they say it is white privilege. It is not white privilege. It is a kind of laziness, making the person the other. It is people who have been derided and made fun of and neglected. It is gonna get worse because there is no unity candidate. Biden can't be that. Trump made use of the bile and resentment. Actually I don't care anymore. What happens in the US will reverberate around the world. And it will not get better. Or it will get worse before it will get better. the weird thing is that people were warned of this for years and years and years - and now, now we have this. And there is no point expecting the intellectual class to do anything. All they have done is act superior, act like they know better - but really they don't know better. They are in the thrall of big money and they can try and be as derisory as they like, it isn't going to stop the inevitable. It really is too late now - the eleventh hour has passed and we are now on a hiding to midnight.

That's fine. As long as people know that whatever they knew will now change forever. 

I have just discovered this trope of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I wonder - was I one? No, no I was not because I had too much of a personality to be one. She is probably the most reprehensible concoction of the male mind. Literally nothing like a human being, an alien. A person whom the bored man, who refuses to do anything to change himself or understand his ennui, comes up with to entertain himself. And what's worse is that the man who create this character is actually WORSE than the man who likes the typical object - the Pamela Anderson type - they see themselves are better than these men but really the function of the vessel is the same. GOD why are men so lazy? 

I have spent most of yesterday just trying to process the mess of online learning. I've literally had enough of it. I can't do it anymore. Yes, I know that I am an early digital native, but seriously, I have had enough.

I think it sort of snowed yesterday. 

Well today school and then home and then lots and lots and lots of being online and deciding what I am going to do in school. Through school. If  am to put everything on on Monday then it is not going to be as good as what I did and I am not going to chain myself to the computer this time round.

Right. That's that. It is almost 7 now. I miss the boys. I wonder how all the so called intellectuals feel now - and the people in positions of power. I am so glad that I never took up the possibility - it is just too much to know how it will end and still be part of the unholy mess. I'm so glad that I did not slave over the making of a mess. The self interest and the destruction and the idiocy. When I was younger it was about the discomfort that comes from a sense of this is not right and as I got older I began to be able to articulate what was wrong. It is the same sense which I reject the coronavirus mainstream hysteria. This is what MOST pisses me off about the entire thing - that now I have been roped in and am contributing to the fantasy, the delusion. Previously I was able to opt out of the stupid. I didn't take the jobs I was made to take, I sent my children to a school which didn't turn them into fodder, I lived a life which was pragmatically possible where I was able to choose to have the least amount of involvement in the mental, but now - now I am actively participating in the mad. 

Well I'm going to participate cos I'm being forced to and it is unnecessary. This is my entire mental block towards it. I just can't bring myself to think about it clearly because I am so angry about it all. OK, after ten minutes of being annoyed I will get on with things.