#293 - #317 (24): Hecate (Crossroads)

It was tough waking up today. Tough. It felt like the end of the week instead of the beginning. I just lay on in bed still so much of sleep in me. I was thinking of mica - those flakes I would find in the sand in Malaysia or Singapore. Thin pieces, like a nail, translucent. Easily broken. I felt like mice. Or I thought of the edge of an oyster's many layers, that - THAT. I must have coffee in the morning. It is the one thing that helps the day to begin. It feels like the day is set, a gem in a clasp. Ready to be worn.

I am trying to manage too many things. Now that I am no longer tethered to an absolute, to a commitment I am now lose, I am free form. I have let it go. And I have let go too much. After twenty years of complete giving - a life which is composed of Herculean sacrifice and effort - having done everything on my own, here I stand. At a crossroads, as Hecate suggests.

I felt good last week but I can feel the Full Moon starting to knock me for six again. It will be fine. It will be fine. It will be fine.

Everything is a mess. Currently the entire debate is about the vaccination and needles not being aspirated a term I have only just learnt so the vaccine goes straight into the blood and creates these clots. This is probably why there is a lottery. Now asked to aspirate the needles, health care professionals who give the vaccine are refusing to do so. So all the myocarditis, pericarditis, the aneurysims, etc they are a product of the vaccine being administered wrongly - possibly. See, this is why I waited. I waited for people to end with the hit and miss. Personally genetically it is neither here nor there for me. Because my genetic breeding potential is over. That is done. However, for the boys - who have received the vaccine... well... actually if they stop breeding it won't be so bad since the planet has gone to fuck any way.

The irrational crap that people are now spewing out about climate change - for me it has always been a red herring. The real issue - like the rubbish around identity politics and call out culture, the most simplistic, narccisistic, idiotic version of SJW ship - is equality. Income equality, dignity, respect and equilibrium for all living and non-living beings. We are all here in order to make the planet a better place. I don't know why this is so hard to understand. We are not here to buy sneakers at the cost of several hundred thousand pounds... how mad is that? To ride around cars which are more expensive than several houses. To wear crap which was made with slave labour. To eat food covered in gold. Experience junkies. Everyone behaving like their are gauche 20 somethings who have just managed to find their first tendrils of freedom. I don't know why this is so hard for people to understand. We are here to make life better for each other and if we are not doing that what is the fucking point of being on the planet? It's mental. Accountability and transparency, honesty, and correction. Only in this way can anyone grow. Can anything grow. Without any of this we might as well just kill ourselves as soon as we come out here. All these stupid COPs, these stupid meetings in which people just use it to avoid to do anything, kick cans down the road... it is exhausting. Pointless. Completely pointless. Some kind of pathetic Groundhog Day in which the end is very nigh closer and closer as we approach the brink of destruction. I used to wonder how it would all end. I now have my answer. 

No wonder people are sick and tired of the experts and elites. They have only words which cover up the self interest and puff themselves out with nonsense. I really can't be doing any of that shit. Nothing. 

So here I am just doing what I can in my corner of the world. Holding my own as best as possible. Being honest and simple. Just keeping it simple. Keeping it simple. Holding the door open for others for myself. Not getting distracted by the circus.

And that is what depresses me daily. Depresses me completely. But here we are, holding the space, doing our best. 

Right. Time to get started on the facebook page...