#287 - 314 (27)

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I now have a routine I can work with!!! Which is nourishing, not punishing. Which supports not guilts! But most importantly, which helps me get the day started and helps me get on my feet. 

It is gentle. It is non stressful. It is strengthening. It is what I can do without overexerting myself. It starts with me writing my journal in bed at around 4.30 am... or 4 am. Gary wakes me up! Then when I'm not allowed to stay in bed any longer, I come down and do this! Journalling in here. I love both types of journalling they help me to stay on track. They are practices in reflection, recording, exercises in clarification. It's like sweeping the spirit - house keeping for the spirit. The days I did not journal I felt gunge build up. And when I DON'T journal or dont feel like it is when I most need it.

Then I do my class prep, correspondence and elements. Anything that needs sorting before the day gets going. If I can I play some piano. I should do that now instead of screen time. Astonishingly there is nothing that needs watching in screen. Apparently reading something and digesting it is the best way to develop new thoughts. Who knew? Then the day begins with school and forest school on Mondays and Tuesdays. 

I am really busy trying to selling the house and other things, including the car, keeping this house clean and trying to do a million other things. Today we discover what those million other things are... oh yes and getting divorced. Nightmare. I knew it was going to be a huge hassle with Peter with whom nothing is straightforward but the good news is that he is GONE. Well as gone as he can possibly be.

I come home from anything and I am utterly exhausted. I spend the afternoons between gigs on the sofa and Gary sleeps on me. And when I come home after that, I am also exhausted. But see Wednesday is the day I have decided that I will do the bins, midweek laundry and some practical work. That practical work will be clearing the house and garage. I was going to say gardening but garage clearing is more important. 

I have gotten cooking, etc down to a fine art. There are standard dishes which we make and Ghin seems happy enough. We eat out once a week - like a brunch at the weekend or in the evenings somewhere. that is doable. I am asleep by 8 pm. I have no time for writing but maybe these morning sessions will evolve into writing. Maybe I could do the class prep in the evening - I think I must - and then I will have time to do the writing in the morning - and I could get up at 3.30 perhaps. I am more a morning person than a night person. But it does feel like the rhythm after more than twenty years of trying - I am finally understanding it. It does seem weird, but there you have it.

It feels great. Also I have managed to not drink during the week which is really helping. It helps with the exhaustion and the clarity. So it is all good. Right, time to start class planning and then elementing. This is almost certainly the rhythm... somewhere I need to work in running. Perhaps on days I don't do Forest School - like Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. In the mornings. Wednesday can be the break day. And that will help me keep the drinking down at the weekend too. Or maybe the weekend can be about walking in the mountains first thing. That would be great. I could do walking on Sundays first thing. Sounds like a plan to me... or cutting the trees if the weather is good.

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