320 - 6.9.26 - 18: Dead tired

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Well, it has hit me like a wall. I am exhausted. I am exhausted. I am now flying again, for the last time, back to Singapore - the my sixth and final transcontinental flight inside of 6 months... 6 months? Yep, six months. And two of those were a week apart. I have lost my father. I am settling my second son into university, teaching him to look after the house. I am accompanying my mother through a deep bereavement. I am without an income for the next ten months - at least. I have had to uproot my entire life... yes, therefore i am tired.

There are upsides. I am fit. I am healthy. I can take time to take time. I am going to be with family and everyone is good. Safe. I am hoping that common sense will prevail and we will not go into an unnecessary war. 

I dreamt of Pa last night. It was a super long dream. He was bringing us to eat chilli crab and I was well what will i eat then? Then we ended up in this place with houses and gardens and just it was very beautiful but also a bit weird. We had to do these 'challenges' and in the end none of it mattered... it was very weird. 

I will be glad when all the flying and moving are over.

South East Asia is burning. I mean who cares, right? Because this has happened since when? I lived there, so for the last 30 years and no one cares. Literally no one. And it isn't just the last 30 years. It has been going on since so called independence. So called because they can say all they want about independence, but really really really - it is not independence at all is it? It is fucking servitude to the world banks and the IMFs and neoliberalism. They did not become independent. They became enmeshed and beholden to the system which insists that they sacrifice everything to continue to serve colonialism in all but name. Actually it does have a name, it is neo colonialism. 

Anyhoo. 

So, therefore, I am tired. I am fucking tired. I am tired of the world and of the mess it is in. I am tired because of all the madness this year has entailed. I was already tired before that. I am even more tired now.

Right. Today. Let's see what it brings. I think I'll do all the need to dos now and then head out... we have a 10.30 deadline to get rid of the crap in the house at the dumping centre. 

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