323 - 12.9.26 - ??: The final transcontinental flight of the year

Well, it is now 24 hours since I've arrived. Time means nothing essentially. It has felt like I was in Ireland for two months. But it was only 3 weeks. The flight, 13 hours, felt like it was 5. I couldn't tell you why everything is all over the place. 

But now that I'm back here, it feels like it has put some kind of bookend to this last few months. If the last few months began when I arrived here back in March. 

March           Singapore
June              Ireland

July              Singapore

August         Ireland

September    Singapore

So actually, it's only 5 trips I have had. So only 5 sets of jet lag and transcontinental flying. That's it. So what? 5 days of flying and travelling - an entire week, if you think about it. It's not that much.

Considering I spend zero hours travelling most of the time. No time at all. I think I cashed in all those checks this year.

Well - there was a massive downpour apparently, before I got back. Which was great. And more rain this morning. Then it stayed cloudy all day after that. 

I'm so in between everywhere. 

Right. I have loads to do - loads to get sorted and stuff. I'll start slowly doing that tomorrow - after my run. And swim. I'll do some gardening and then do some tidying up.

I used to do this everyday when Pa first passed.

5 am         Blog

7 am         Run

8 am         Stretch

8.30 am    Ma exercises

9 am         Garden

10 am       Plan

11 am       Piano

12 pm       Lunch

1 pm         Nap

2 pm         Tidy up - Front Room

4 pm         Filing

5 pm         Admin - emails

6 pm         Dinner

7 pm         Swim

9 pm         Chill

I have healed - and healing does not mean back to where you were - but you are now different and able to go on. To move forward with your thoughts and feelings and your senses... to know that you are different and stronger. The breaks will always be there, but they would have healed.

All of that to-ing and fro-ing has resulted in this restless movement - a pilgrimage of sorts - being so physically worn out and occupied that there is nothing left. In a way, this flying back and forth has been a much larger equivalent of my running and swimming and walking. A much much larger version of travelling and not seeking - just travelling. 

And this, in doing this, I was able to somehow, synthesise the break, the pain, the sorrow, into something which is now - i think, it is acceptance. In the healing, I have accepted it. I have accepted what has taken place and it has taken its own place in the constellation of my own life. Pa is now a shining constellation in my universe. He has taken his place with the greats. 

Now he follows us, lighting our way, and being a part of that path, the path which is the rest of my life. I feel so lucky that he has become this most wonderful of guides - he has been able to take that place in the skies which cover our family - and I see, I feel him gleaming, immortal. 

So that mad travelling also had its own method. It has its own meaning. I did not understand that until I touched down in Singapore again. I felt like I had grown up and made this place my place. I am now standing in my own power.