#165.21 - The longest day

There is something decadent about this, the longest day of the year. How the sun swivels and the Earth stops and altogether the both gleam at each other before they fall apart again. It feels... as if it should last forever. The best film about a summer that seems to last forever is In the Heat of the Sun. Directed by Jiang Wen it captures that strange magical memory of summer... a summer that was and never was. Like so many summers of when you were young should be.

Am I frightened of anything? No, not really. A bit sad sometimes though - sad that I will never be able to fall in love that strange thorough falling in love which I was able to do so so easily all the time once upon a time. And why not? Why not indeed? What makes me think this? Because I remember the film and I remember thinking, this is what love should feel like. I feel like that all the time and that is true.

Mostly because I needed to feel like that.

And now... now I don't need to feel like that anymore. I have felt it and indeed, it is true, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. But just like giving birth, also another most wonderful feeling in the world, you don't have to keep on feeling it. I thought I would never be able to live without it and that is simply untrue.

I am not only able to live without it, but I am unencumbered by it. And it isn't just sour grapes. I mean I tried it and you have to give me full marks for trying. But I have seen what happens after the years roll back and the love then goes... but maybe for many people the love was never there to begin with. Only arrangements and pragmatic rigging and some whispered hope. Some faint idea of what this love could be and since you don't have it... and it wasn't never part of the plan, then you can't miss something or feel very disappointed by it, right?

But I did fall in love once - not just once either. But many many times and it was wonderful. But I just... don't see it as a necessary part of my life - and certainly nothing to be pursued. I am happy the way I am. 

In the languid heat of the sun there are no priorities. Everything is amorphous, everything is at the furthest extent and reaches of the cosmos. It might as well be. The exosphere might as well be the 14 billion light years away. What astronomy and quantum physics has taught us is that the idea is the extent. 

What are the minutes that form the days? What are they exactly?

Cad é? As the Irish say. 

Such a beautiful evening. One which will last forever. I suppose that's what all those memories of summers past are like... well today the Mercury in Retrograde ended and just like that I popped open the iron and other supplements and had them. There is definitely strangeness in the Mercury Retrograde phenomenon. 100%.

It is like the flinging has now reached its zenith and now it is returning, coming in. So Mercury Retrograde ends when the Solstice occurs. That has gotta mean something right?

I am not so distracted anymore... and I feel so much lighter now. I have seven more entries to catch up on. I want to think about many things now and i'm going to use the next few posts to do that. Just to catch up nicely.