#162.21 - The unbearable blahness of living

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It has been a complete nightmare doing these reports. I've decided that I'm going to do four today and three tomorrow. On the plus side Gabriel's class has sold out. I'm so pleased for her. Just so awesome. I'm so glad that she is going to be able to continue doing this with us. And that people drop in and out.

I have not going running since the retrograde began. It is getting worse as well.

But I must just start the reports. I want to spend a moment though recording how sad I am. How sad I am that we aren't going to Singapore this year. I have tried to brush it off but I can't. I also feel like the entire tech thing is pickling my brain. I feel like there is a whole life out there which I am no longer able to keep up with and I feel both sad and torn - one the on hand, yes, it is a stupid thing to try and keep up with - on the other hand am I being a fuddy duddy being left behind. That I don't know popular memes that I'm missing out - it's not good like. I'm a bit worried - missing out on hashtags on Instragram. But then I also feel like it's not up to me to do that.

I wonder how people who really ARE my age feel? Or am I being left behind? Am I becoming my parents? For such a long time I sort of effortlessly just kept up. Now that's not happening anymore and I either get with it and run to stand still or I evolve in my own way.

I already know the answer to that - evolve in my own way. Go my own way.

There is a massive so called culture war going on. Partly it is the ruling old white guys who are protesting at their ascendancy being not just challenged and taken away, but also being made to be accountable. Am I glad I was not part of that - the problem which has been twenty and two hundred years in the making. I have always evolved my own way really. However there are things which I do feel very sad about - like how there are so many casualties of these wars. Some well meaning people, and some zealots. Zealots on both sides - the lack of equality and equity has led to an eruption, irrational in some parts, from those who have been oppressed. Some really daft things have emerged where the serpent now eats its own tail. 

And in this eating no one has any favours done. I once again, like I did with the Covid thing feel utterly lost in the middle. The extremities force people to take sides. There is no nuance because there never has been any. It is interesting to work at this coalface. The other thing which astounds me is how people take a good idea and then make it evolve till it is insane. So as predicted the world has lost its mind.

For instance, listening to the British Foreign something say that the EU were being intransigent and petty and should exercise flexibility. It was obscene. It was the long list of broken promises. I don't know who the UK thinks it is dealing with but it is the EU and the US. They are such bastards. Entitled and arrogant. Gobsmackingly and revoltingly audacious. What is wrong with them? Fine more minutes before i begin. But yes the unbearable blahness of living - it s what it is. I should get back to running again - it has been two weeks since I stopped. The running kept me sane.

So 10 - 2 pm - four reports.

2 pm - 3 pm - Lidl

3 pm - 5 pm - Lab

5 pm - 6 pm - chill

6 pm - 9 pm - 3 reports

Not sure if I'm doing a report for one child.

But that will be it.

Then I need to clean the house. If I finish the reports earlier  can clean the house. Clean the house and do the laundry. 

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