#307 - Crash

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All those years ago... I think Oisin was 13... 

For some reason yesterday I just ended up crashing. It was so weird. Just in the middle of the morning, I just couldn't keep things up anymore.

I don't understand it. I was fine a day ago after the period ended and then I just ended up - kaboosh.

After the day in school was over, I ended up just going back to Ma's and falling asleep.

Yesterday I went running, cooked, did the usual things, did the laundry and then did the class prep. I am enjoying class prep I have to say.

But it is so tiring. What I have discovered is that being positive and using the two mantras takes up a lot of energy. And because I am battling in a way on so many fronts, it is quite a lot. But what choice do I have? Not much of one really. I either choose to evolve or I stay the asshole I am. I can choose to be a better person or be a shite.

I am going to have to do a proper vulture drawing with those people who need to redo the vulture drawing.

Everything is shifting. I don't know what is right anymore. I don't know what I am supposed to do which is right.

It will be fine. I don't know, will it?

I can't wait for this weekend to rest, to crash. I've done laundry every day this week. It has been a nightmare with the laundry. I can't think anymore for some reason. Perhaps the moon. I just need to keep at it, even on days when I can't think. Even on those days. It is almost time for the run.

I have run all but 5 days this month so far. It feels like I haven't run loads, but actually it is only five days. I head out in the dark now, it has only rain twice this month in the morning - one of the first day of October that was a hard rain, and then another one last week. Which was alright. Apart from that, not a lot of rain otherwise. Brexit has affected us so badly.

Now the Republicans are coming out of the woodwork and soon the Loyalists will too. And then it will be back to the mad tit-for-tat killing which took place. Right today's pointless ramble over. God what is WRONG with me? I am just really not myself at all.

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